Total Recall
by JoMarchWrites
Summary: After an accident leaves Elliot Stabler with a mild, yet severely puzzling case of amnesia, he's left with a very mixed up version of his life. Now, it's up to his partner to make sure he doesn't completely lose his sens eof reality. But what they have to hold onto to keep him safe & happy, until he regains total recollecion, might end up being impossible to let go of once he does.
1. Chapter 1

_**This idea hit me a long time ago, but I decided to rewrite it while I was recovering from my own accident. Hopefully, it works.**_

"Sit down," Captain Cragen said the words but he knew, as he always did, she would ignore him. Especially now.

Kathy Stabler sat beside him, eyeing the other woman as she still paced back and forth. "You really should sit down, Olivia. You've been on your feet for hours, and this could take..."

"Will you all please just leave me the hell alone?" It came out as a shout, and she immediately regretted it. She sighed and sped off toward the triage counter, asking, for the tenth time, if there were any updates on her partner's condition.

Kathy turned to Cragen, then, and shook her head. "I don't know why she...she's more worked up than I am, and it's my husband in that emergency room. What does that mean?"

Cragen scoffed, knowing full well that Kathy knew the source of Olivia's panic. "Tell me again," he began, "How did this happen?"

Kathy took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she folded her hands. She squinted as she tried to remember the details, but they were foggy and fading. "He was heading out, after she called him. Some...blind asshole...came careening around the corner and the car hopped the curb...and he..." She paused, her shaking voice cracking. "I heard the crash, I ran outside and...he was at least six feet from the mailbox, which is...I guess...where he'd been standing when the car hit him. His head was...there was so much blood, I just..." and her words trailed off as she shook her head.

Fin Tutuola walked over and plopped into the empty seat beside Kathy. Her husband was his friend and colleague, but he realized in the moment that he knew next to nothing about her. "He doesn't talk about you much." It seemed an insensitive thing to say, but it was true. "He won't shut up about your kids, but he's never really talked about you."

"Excuse me?" Kathy spat, narrowing her eyes.

"I just..was trying to make conversation," Fin offered, only after seeing the scolding look his captain was giving him. He turned his head and watched for a moment as Olivia nearly brought a nurse to tears, trying like hell to find out anything she could about Elliot Stabler's condition.

Fin coughed and ran his tongue over his teeth before saying, "She feels guilty, ya know?"

"Who?" Kathy asked, but then followed his gaze and made an irritated but somber face at the pale and frazzled-looking woman. "Why?"

"If she hadn't called him..." He shrugged, allowing Kathy to fill in her own blanks.

Kathy folded her arms and sat back in her seat. "She's his partner. She had to call him, and it was his job to go. She has nothing to..." Her words froze and caught in her throat. She wondered, often, if they were more than merely partners and if there was, in fact, some reason Olivia did need to feel guilty.

Olivia, visibly shaking, walked over to the sitting group and pressed her lips together. "They won't fucking tell me anything."

"Well, no, you're not family," Kathy said, and as soon as the words flew out she realized how cruel they sounded. "I mean...not blood...you're not his..."

"I get it," Olivia nearly hissed, with narrow eyes, as she crossed her arms and turned her head toward the swinging doors, hoping Elliot's doctor would come out soon.

They felt like an eternity, the next ten minutes, but when a grey-haired man in blue scrubs finally walked toward her, Olivia stiffened. "Detective Benson," the doctor said, snapping off his rubber gloves, "He's awake and he's asking for you. You can follow me."

The color began to step back into her cheeks, but she wasn't breathing any easier. She nodded and barely noticed Kathy rising from her seat and staying in step with her as she followed the doctor toward Elliot's curtained off bed.

As soon as the striped fabric was pulled back, her knees wobbled and she nearly collapsed. "El," she breathed, relieved to see his eyes open. Her breath hitched again, though, when she saw the bandages around his head, the electrodes stuck to his chest, and it all brought back so many painful memories of moments she'd almost lost him. She tried to smile at him. "How are you feel..."

"Liv, God, would you please tell them I'm fine?" Elliot said, sitting up sharply and cutting her off. "I already nailed that fucking eye-chart thing, I can walk, I don't know why they won't just let me go home."

The doctor laughed and said, "You have one helluva nasty head wound, Detective Stabler. I'm keeping you here for observation, but I'm sure your wife will stay right by your side."

"Yeah, she'd better," Elliot said, turning his head back toward Olivia. He held out his hand to her.

She tilted her head and squinted a bit. "What?"

"Come here," Elliot laughed, curling his fingers in a beckoning gesture. "I'm fine, you're not going to hurt me or anything."

Olivia looked at Kathy, then, and saw the ire in her eyes. "Kathy, I swear on my life, we aren't...I mean, I have never...we have never..."

"Who are you?" Elliot's voice broke into Olivia's again. He was eyeing Kathy with no hint of recognition or emotion on his face. "Do I know you? Have we met?"

"Very funny, Elliot," Kathy said, rolling her eyes. "Cut the act. Olivia has to go back to work, I'm going to call my sister to keep the kids, and we..."

"I'm sorry," Elliot interrupted for a third time, "But Liv isn't leaving, not till they tell me I can go with her, and I don't even know you; there's no way in hell in leaving my kids with your sister."

Kathy's face fell. "This isn't happening."

Olivia lost the color she'd just reclaimed. "Oh, my God," she whispered, closing her eyes.

The doctor looked on, deeply concerned, and stepped forward. "Detective Stabler," he began, "Would you, please, point to Detective Benson?"

"Seriously?" Elliot moaned, rolling his eyes. "This is ridiculous! I'm fine!" He very firmly and intently pointed in Olivia's direction. "This is so fucking stupid. I've already told them what day it is, what year it is, I named all of the kids and told them my birthday, even my mother's name and address! This is pointless! I am fucking fine!"

The doctor took another step toward Elliot and grabbed the long paper being printed from the monitors he was hooked up to. "Okay, then, point to your wife."

Elliot stared unamusedly at the doctor. "Yeah, okay, I'm not exactly sure I'm the one that needs the evaluation."

"El, please," Olivia whispered to him. "Just...do it," she said softly with a slight nod.

Rolling his eyes, Elliot jabbed his fingers, several times, at Olivia. "There, ya happy now? Do you want our badge numbers and social security numbers, too?"

Olivia looked at Kathy, who was staring blankly at Elliot. "Kathy, I...this isn't..."

"I know, Olivia," Kathy said, attempting to smile. She sniffled once and nodded. "Deep down, I always knew how he felt about you, but this is...this is a pretty shitty way to find out."

Olivia walked over to the doctor, pulling him and Kathy to the other side of the room, so Elliot couldn't hear him. "He thinks I am his wife! That's not...that's not okay!"

"It's probably only temporary," the doctor said, trying to reassure both women that life would be back to normal quickly. "He's suffered a pretty severe shock, and the brain..."

"I'm familiar," Kathy broke in, "...with amnesia. My question is...why does he remember everything...everything except me?" She gave Olivia a glance. "I don't need to ask why it's her that took my place in his memory, but...why is this happening?"

"The brain is a very fragile organ," the doctor told her. "This appears to be a pretty severe case of retrograde lacunar amnesia, where the patient loses all memory linked one specific person or event. In his case, unfortunately, that person is you. We can't explain why, or how these things happen, only that, more often than not this is a temporary situation, and the best thing you can do for him is ...don't fight him on it, don't argue...until he snaps out of it."

"What?" Kathy and Olivia said together, both wide eyed.

The doctor had braced himself for their reactions, but he still jumped and cringed as he said, "Typically, this sort of memory loss lasts...no more than a week. He can't take the shock of being told he's lost the memory of which one of you is his wife, not now, it may send him into a state of panic which can result in a number of different episodes, including a heart attack."

Kathy sighed. "I was prepared for this, but I thought it'd be more of a fight," she said with a sad laugh. "I just...I can't believe he doesn't remember me. He knows his children but he thinks...that you're their mother, that...that hurts." She wiped a tear with her knuckle.

"Professional advice," the doctor said, "Let him believe what he believes, for now. You can't tell him he's wrong about it, don't stun him, it may upset him and his already injured brain could send itself into worse conditions." He sighed and looked at Olivia, then at Kathy. "This should be over soon and you can all laugh about it."

Kathy sniffled, trying not to cry. "Has he told you, yet?" she posed to Olivia. The cluelessness she saw returned to her was her answer. "Maybe that's what this is, then. his way of telling you...that our marriage is...over."

Olivia shook her head. "No, Kathy, you heard the doctor this is only tempor..."

"I'm serious," Kathy told her, cutting her off sharply. "We were holding on...we didn't even know why anymore. We agreed...we had papers drawn up, a long time ago, and we both signed them. This morning, he told me he filed them, he took them to the courthouse the day before, and it's...it's what we were fighting about when he left the house. Why he sounded so irritated when you called."

Olivia couldn't breathe. She just nodded numbly and swallowed hard, unsure of what she was feeling. "I'm sorry, Kathy, if I'd have known before he..."

"He didn't want you to talk us out of it this time," Kathy interrupted. "I guess...now we know why." She looked at the doctor. "You said...a week?"

"More or less," the doctor said.

Kathy cleared her throat and said, "So for a week, I just...pretend I don't even know him? I let him live with...her...and my kids? I mean, one of us was leaving, anyway, but this...this is how it has to happen?"

The doctor nodded. "It's the only thing that is going to do any good right now. We can't risk upsetting or confusing him. If we do, we could lose him."

"So I guess...I'm the one that will be staying with my sister," she mused, while wiping her eyes. "I'll call the kids and tell them to...prepare themselves for this." She looked at Olivia and said, "Whatever he says to you...or does...I don't...I don't want to know about it."

Olivia scoffed. "Kathy, I'm not going to let him cheat on..."

"We're getting divorced," she shrugged. "He wouldn't be. Not really." She cleared her throat again. "Keep him safe, like you always do." She nodded and gave one last heartbroken look toward Elliot. "He always told me you kept him safe, that I had nothing to worry about when he was with you." She felt tears falling and quickly swiped at them. "This proves it, I guess. He means it, Olivia. He feels safe with you, so that's where his mind went. Whatever happens with you, he..." she paused and looked at Olivia again. "He means it. Trust that. I lost him to you a long time ago. But this...this fucking sucks." She turned on her heels and headed out, knowing there was no reason for her to stay.

Confused, Olivia looked back at the doctor. "So, uh, I guess...I'm...wow." She exhaled sharply, keeping her composure, and she asked, "What are we really dealing with? How bad is this?"

"There's no internal bleeding," the doctor told her. "There's very little swelling, which is reducing quickly, and every other vital sign is pretty normal. This is the only hiccup we have, so I see no reason to keep him beyond tonight. But he wants to go home with his wife, in the morning. He...he believes that's you, Detective Benson."

"Liv?" Elliot's voice called. It sounded weaker, but hopeful, as he held out his hand to her again. "What's going on over there?"

This time, she sighed as she walked toward his bed. She sat in a chair beside him and let her hand drop into his, a melting pot of emotions swimming through her own head as she wondered what was swirling in his. When she felt him squeeze her hand, she looked at him, and to her surprise, he was looking at her the way he always did, only more certainly. Could he have honestly fallen in love with her two years ago, the way she had with him? Were they both hiding and fighting a little too long, and fate had finally intervened?

No, she concluded, it was the accident. He had amnesia. And soon, she'd be back to being nothing more than his partner

"Can we go home now?" He asked her, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles.

Her heart stopped and tears built behind her eyes. For a moment, she was almost thankful to whomever had hit him, but she pushed that selfish thought away and said, "Doctor Willings wants to keep you overnight. A few...a few more hours. He says we can go home in the morning."

He linked his fingers with hers and grinned. "You always said I was hard-headed. Came in handy tonight, huh?" He laughed softly, trying to lighten the mood.

She laughed, but then wondered what she'd do if his head wasn't so hard. Her eyes widened a bit and her heart dropped into her stomach, and she was for a moment grateful that she would be able to act on impulse, feel the things she could no longer keep bottled up, not in this moment. "Thank God for that," she whispered, more tears springing to her eyes.

He gasped and pulled on her hand, asking her to move closer to him. When she did, he wrapped his arms around her and dragged her down to his level. "I'm okay, baby," he said kissing her cheeks.

She nodded. "I was...fuck, I was so fucking scared." She wiped her eyes, knowing she shouldn't do anything to upset him. "No one would tell me anything, because I'm not..." she stopped, because as far as he knew, she _was_ and he needed to believe that. "They didn't know what to say, until you woke up, and they..."

"Breathe, baby, please," he said, his heart breaking as he watched her cry. He'd felt the same fear whenever the roles were reversed. "I told you," he took a deep breath. "I'm fine."

She nodded and smiled at him, and she knew it was happening, did nothing to stop it, and moaned softly when his lips hit hers. Every wall she'd kept up between them for the sake of his soul and his family had crumbled at once, her right hand wound around the back of his neck, she felt, for the first time in her life, whole.

He pulled away from her, his eyes clear and focused. He watched her smile wider at him, and his heart gave a strong thud. His look darkened, a smirk spread across his face. "Baby, I'm fine," he said as he licked his lips, and he hoped the meaning behind the words wasn't completely lost on her, and he moved again, kissing her slowly, catching her tears on his fingertips as a few of his own fell.

The doctor ran over, clearing his throat. "Excuse me, uh, you really shouldn't do that in here! If you get too worked up, they'll bring a crash cart in here, you know. You don't want to see how pissed off those nurses would be if they burst through here and found you two...just...fine." He jostled the heart monitor, and told Elliot he needed to calm down, trying to silence the loud, fast beeping. "You are aware that…"

"Sorry," Elliot chuckled as he cut in, moving his hands from Olivia's face, down her neck, her shoulders, her arms, wrapping them around her wrists as he pulled her hands away from him and laced his fingers with hers. "You may want to just unplug that machine, Doc. I'm obviously fucking fine, for the millionth time, and besides..." He looked up into her eyes as he spoke and the machine started beeping faster again. "When I'm with my wife, my heart rate is usually...never really normal." He pulled her closer and rubbed his nose against hers. "It's one of the reasons I married her."

Olivia tried to smile at him, but her own heart was beating erratically, too. He had just called her his wife, again, had just kissed her so deeply and soundly and there was no way anything about it was fake or pretentious, and what really made her chest ache...was that she couldn't keep herself from being absolutely happy about it.

 _ **Oh, my! This will be updated soon, if it gets positive response.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"Home sweet home," Olivia said as she pushed the front door open, biting her lip nervously as she looked around the living room. Her mind raced as she dropped Elliot's hospital duffel to the floor, hoping the kids managed to take down every single picture that had Kathy in it and remembered to put up ones that included her, hoping that her friends managed to get a good chunk of her clothes here, hoping Elliot's brother did everything on the to-do list she'd given him, and hoping she wouldn't go straight to Hell for not feeling one shred of guilt over living this lie for Elliot's sake. She turned, hearing a throat clear.

Nathan, Elliot's older brother, had come out of a side room. With a small smile, he looked at Olivia with a resolute nod, and said, "I gotta go, now that you're back, but, uh, everything...everything's good, here." It was his way of telling her everything he needed to do had been done. He slapped his brother on the back as he made his way to the still-open door. "Good to see you in one piece, asshole."

"It'll take more than a knock to the head to do me in, you dick," Elliot said, and he watched his brother leave. He took a deep breath, sighed happily, and pulled Olivia into his arms, kicking the door closed. "Kids?" he yelled loudly, and then his lips dropped to Olivia's neck.

Unable to help it, she moaned, softly, his name.

He mumbled something against her skin, something that made her moan again, and he chuckled almost evilly. His hands slipped around her waist, toying with her belt as he walked her further into the living room. "Hey! Kids! Where the hell are you?"

Like trampling elephants, the four young Stablers ran down the stairs, their faces bright and covered in relief as their eyes landed on their father. Each little body wrapped itself around him, squeezing. Their voices welcomed him home with cheerful, "Thank goodness"s and "I love you, Daddy"s. They turned, partly because they knew they had to and partly because they truly wanted to, and pulled Olivia into a tight group hug.

Maureen, the oldest, looked up at her with a shit-eating grin and said, "We cleaned, _Mom._ " She exaggerated the last word on purpose, laughing again. She had been the one to take Olivia's frantic phone call, and to her, it was hysterical. She'd told Olivia it all made perfect sense, and she'd get the other kids to play along, as long as it helped their dad.

Olivia looked down at Maureen, arms still wrapped around her, and raised one brow. "Huh? You what?" She tried to suppress the nausea that arose from being called _mom._

Maureen winked at her and told her, "We reorganized the closet in your room, moved some furniture, and vacuumed the rug…" the eleven year old explained away the slight differences in the bedroom caused by moving Kathy out and Olivia in on short notice and borrowed time.

"We ordered pizza, too," Dickie chirped, his seven year old body blasting back into his father's.

Laughing, Elliot lifted him up, swung him around, and growl-kissed him before he tossed him up in the air and caught him.

Looking on, Olivia smiled, her arms now wrapped around Kathleen, Elliot's middle daughter. This was her favorite part of him; the daddy. She watched as he made his son fly like Superman, spinning him over his head, and dropped him to his feet.

He looked over, then, and his heart swelled at the expression on Olivia's face. Something in him broke and fixed itself. He moved and kissed each child on the forehead, and then his eyes darkened, narrowed as they landed on Olivia's. His smile turned into a sultry smirk and he cupped her face, inching slowly toward her.

Her heart stopped, her breath hitched, every muscle in her body tightened, and when his lips pressed to hers, she felt as though death was claiming her soul through Elliot's warm, sweet mouth. Her arms fell away from Kathleen and, although she tried to fight against it, they wound around his neck. Her fingers filtered through his short hair, her heart drumming again, a heavy and hard beat against her chest.

"Um…" Maureen stammered, stunned. This wasn't what she thought Olivia had in mind. "Guys? Dad? Li...Mom?"

Lizzie, Dickie's twin sister, rolled her eyes and walked over to the kissing couple, squeezed her little body between them, and pushed her father away from Olivia. She looked up at her dad, her little blue eyes almost annoyed. She wagged a finger at him, put her other hand on her hip and pouted, trying to seem authoritative. "Not in front of the children," she scolded, parroting what had been Elliot's excuse to avoid Kathy's advances. "Duh, Daddy."

"Right," he laughed, licking his lips. "Sorry." He bent over and kissed her forehead. "Go upstairs and play, Sweetpea."

"Kay," Lizzie spouted, running off and up the steps.

"All of you," he said, shooing the rest of the kids. "If you have homework, get it done. We'll call you when the pizza gets here."

Olivia and Kathleen shared an equally terrified look, suddenly worried that they couldn't pull this off, and something would happen. Katie closed her eyes and nodded, whispering, "It's okay, Liv, we...we have to do this, don't we? We...we all love you for it. Thank you." She turned her head and raised her volume. "We're really glad you're home, Dad. And that you're…" she swallowed, knowing the truth. "That you're okay."

"I'm fine, Princess," he said to her, smiling. "I promise." He watched her run up the stairs after his other kids, and then he turned to Olivia, reaching for her. He tugged her into him as he let himself fall onto the couch, and he pulled her up, onto him, into his lap. "Alone at last," he said with bouncing eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes, but she smiled, and again, hating herself for it, she made herself comfortable, surprised at how perfectly she fit against him. "I love watching you with them," she told him, brushing his hair back with one hand, the other curled around his shoulders.

He kissed her sweetly. "You and the kids, baby, are my entire world," he whispered to her. "They cleaned? Really? They never do that, which…" he squinted. "What did you tell them?"

"Just...that you hit your head, you might be a little disoriented," she shrugged, leaving out the part where she calmly explained his memory loss, what he really believed now, and that they had to turn the house and their world upside down so she could play house with them until the truth came back. "I, uh, told them to move anything you might...trip over."

"I know you don't believe it, I know you're worried," he started with a sigh, "But I am...fine. Honey, I remember every fucking detail of my life...our life. Go ahead, ask me anything." He leaned back, grinning cockily, his hands smoothing up and down her legs, from ankle to thigh and back again.

After a deep breath, she spotted one of the newly framed and positioned photographs on the wall. It was a staged wedding photo of them, part of an undercover op, that someone in Computer Crimes had quickly doctored to make them appear younger. The guy had altered the dress slightly, making it seem like something a pregnant teenager would wear, just in case Elliot did, in fact, remember everything else but _who_ he'd married back then. Her chest throbbed with hurt, because it wasn't real, none of this was real. "Tell me…" she paused and took another shallow breath, trying not to cry. "Tell me how you proposed." Her eyes darted from the photo to his eyes.

"We were on a dock, watching a couple boats coming in, and…" he saw something register in her eyes, his smile widened, his hands crept further up her thighs. "The sun was setting, the sky was this...beautiful cotton-candy mix of color, someone behind us made some crack about your ass, and you...you thought I was going to hit him, but I just calmly told him to watch what he said about my pregnant wife."

A hand shot to Olivia's mouth, her eyes filling with tears. This happened, she remembered it, the guy behind them was Cassidy. They were about to go under, and she'd just been told she had to feign pregnancy to lure their perp into the trap they'd be setting. Cassidy was hitting on her, Elliot did what he always did, only kept it in character. A tear rolled down her cheek as the memory faded. She'd only asked him this question hoping it would spark something, because he never _did_ propose to Kathy. Their marriage was one of necessity, orchestrated by Catholic parents for religious atonement. She was not expecting him to tell her this story.

Elliot moved his head, his nose brushing against hers, his hands slipping between her legs. "You looked at me like you were ready to kill me, and you told me I couldn't call you my wife yet, and then I pulled a ring out of my pocket...no box, no flash...held it out to you and said…"

"Why the hell not?" she breathed, remembering the moment. It was, what she assumed was a joke, a playful moment before they had to lay themselves in the path of a serial killer. The ring he'd given her was the one she was expected to wear, along with a silver band, part of their cover. "You really…"

"I swear, I know we were young, and I know we were...in a situation we...couldn't get out of," he told her, his lips moving against hers as he spoke, his hands now rubbing against her clothed heat. "But I wanted you then, I want you now. Nothing has ever felt more right, and marrying you...was the best decision I could have made. You…" he blinked, his eyes welling up, his voice breaking. "You made me the fucking happiest, luckiest son-of-a-bitch in the world." He kissed her hard, fighting to pry her mouth open, but when he did, he saw shooting stars behind his eyelids. It felt like Heaven.

She gasped and moaned, internal protests battling her selfish streak, and then, her resolve gave out. She sunk into him, kissing him back with everything she had. As she kissed him, she whimpered, wondering why he remembered all of the details so perfectly, but why he thought it had happened eleven years ago, while she was supposedly carrying his child. Why had his brain blended their partnership and his marriage so seamlessly? She pulled her head away, her eyes still shut, and she pressed her burning lips together. "God, El," she breathed.

He kissed her nose, her cheeks, her chin, and then he said, "This is fun. Ask me something else?"

"Oh, God," she moaned, dropping her head forward to his shoulder, as she felt him pressing his fingers harder against her. She knew he could feel heat, wetness forming and seeping through her jeans, and she knew that, in his current state, that's exactly what he wanted. "Elliot...you should...the kids are…"

"Ask me," he interrupted, pushing his thumb into her a bit harder and dragging it upward, knowing he had rubbed the denim against her clit. He groaned when she bucked into his hand, and he turned his head to look into her eyes.

There was a fire in them she'd seen before, after rough interrogations or during one of their volatile fights, moments where she knew if either of them had made the move they'd end up in bed, or up against the wall. Maybe Kathy had been right, after all. Maybe Elliot _was_ in love with her, and that's why his brain retreated to its present place. She rocked against him again, willingly fanning the flame, knowing what he was waiting for, what he wanted to do. "God, Elliot," she moaned, heat building as his hand moved against her, over her jeans but hitting somewhere deep.

"Ask me," he whispered against her lips, and then he swiped his tongue along her parted mouth.

"When...when did you…" she pressed her lips together to keep from moaning too loudly. "When did you know...you were in love with me?" The question left on a breath before she could talk herself out of asking it.

His lips crushed hers, then, moving his hand faster, pressing harder, keeping her settled against him on his lap as his tongue explored and dominated. His mouth caught her moans as she came, and he promised himself that, as soon as the kids went to bed, he'd make it happen again, in a few other ways. "Fuck," he panted as she bucked her hips and cried his name. He watched her eyes roll, her head drop, her hair fall in front of her face, a drugged daze wash over her, and he groaned, the need for his own release now greater than it had ever been.

When she calmed, her breathing coming in longer spurts, her head righting itself, he answered her. "The moment I looked into your eyes, I knew. The first time, Liv. You had all of me from...from the moment we met."

Her pounding heart hammered against her chest, making it ache, and as she looked into his eyes, she knew he was telling the truth. She could always tell when he was lying, and he was more sincere than she could ever recall. She rested her forehead against his, staying still against him, as she tried to redirect her senses. Reality hit her, hard, and she let out an almost desperate sob.

She finally had him, in the ways she prayed for, and there was no way she would survive giving him up when the memories came back.

He lowered his head and captured her lips in another tender kiss, whispering, "I love you."

"God, I love you," she returned just as softly, her lips stinging with the pinpricks of truth left by his worshipping mouth. "You, uh, you sure you remember...everything?"

He nodded, moving in for another kiss. "First kiss," he said, "First...first time," he chuckled. "The first time we held each of the kids, how you looked up at me with that...exhausted smile, and we…" he choked on the words, more emotion building. "I remember, baby."

She nodded, smiling through the pain as she thought W _ell, shit, I wish I did._ She moved her hands up his arms and around his neck and she was about to solidify her soul's eternal damnation by kissing him again when the doorbell rang.

"Shit," he spat, but he kept her wrapped around him as he stood, his strong arms holding her up. He walked with her, legs locked around his waist, and he turned his head and yelled, "Pizza's here!" He carried her toward the door and pulled it open. He nodded at the surprised looking teenager, taking the two pies in one hand, the other tightening his grip on Olivia. He said, "Thanks," and then grinned at Olivia. "You, uh...can you get my wallet?" He kissed the end of her nose. "My hands are kinda full."

She laughed and shoved her hand into his pocket, wrapping her fingers around the leather billfold. She flipped it open, handed the delivery guy two twenty dollar bills, and then moved to put his wallet back, when something stopped her. She looked down, and the pictures in his wallet took her by surprise. His kids most recent school pictures, of course, were each nestled in the plastic sleeves, but the first and last photos in the bunch were of them. Together. One, taken at some stupid precinct picnic, her standing behind him as he sat on a bench, her arms around his neck, bright, wide smiles on their faces. Another, taken during a press junket, in their suits, arms crossed, looking at each other with seductive smirks on their faces.

She felt her feet hit the floor before she even realized he was putting her down, and she blinked herself out of her haze and closed his wallet, handing it to him. Without saying anything, she leaned in and kissed him, gently, on the chin. Loving him came so easy to her, and it only made her certain that losing him would be the hardest thing she ever did.

"Hey," he whispered, pulling her away from the table now filled with pizza and kids. "That's never going to happen, okay? I told you...I'm fine." His eyes searched hers, trying to will her to believe him.

She squinted and then it hit her. She'd said that outloud. "Oh, I was just…" she shook her head. "Let's eat, huh?"

He watched her walk away, stared at her as she doled out pizza to the youngest kids, blowing on each slice to cool it before setting it down on thiet paper plates. He smiled and, as he moved to take his seat at the table, swore to himself he would squelch her fears, once and for all.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"Please," Elliot rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. "Stop treating me like I'm broken. I'm fucking fine!" He shook his head and narrowed his eyes at his captain. "You know I...I've been hit harder! I mean, I've gone temporarily blind, for God's sake! You all need to…"

"Okay!" Cragen boomed, throwing his hands up. "You say you're fine, I'll take your word for it." He tossed a torn notebook page at him. "Go. Just...don't bitch at me when your head starts to hurt."

"Thank you!" Elliot snapped, and then he huffed, and rolled his neck. "You ready?" He looked across his desk at Olivia, who was staring at her left hand, playing with the silver and diamond rings on her finger. "Hey," he whispered, "You and me, job, go now." He laughed and shook his head when her eyes met his. "You okay?" he asked, tilting his head.

She nodded silently, pushing her chair away from her desk and rising to her feet. "Fine." She cleared her throat and pulled her jacket on, cringing slightly as her rings snagged on the fabric of the lining. "Damn," she hissed. She looked down at her finger again, trying to figure out why the Hell he'd kept her rings from that op, why he had them, still in the box, on the dresser in his bedroom, and why he insisted she put them on last night knowing she'd only have to take them off in the morning. Something she obviously had forgotten to do. She shook her head and walked fast, hoping to pass him on her way out, not willing to answer the question she knew he'd ask. She didn't make it.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her close, staying right by her side, and he lowered his voice as he guided her to the elevator. "What's the matter?" He narrowed his eyes. "Last night, I didn't...did I upset you because we didn't...because I had a headache?"

"God, no," she whispered. "No, you took a pretty horrible shot to the head, I didn't really think you would feel like…" she shook her head, scoffing at herself. She wouldn't know when he would feel like having sex or not, and the way he'd been acting, she was terrified of making the discovery. "Nothing's wrong, I'm...I'm okay." She tried to smile at him, and when she looked up, her breath hitched. Her heart swelled and thumped against her chest. The love in his eyes was so clear, so strong; it was fucking real. "I just forgot to take my rings off, and you know if...if Cragen…"

"Oh," he let out a relieved sigh. "Oh, honey. I saw the way you were looking at them, and I thought maybe you were starting to regret marrying me." He winked, and when he pushed the button on the wall, he leaned against it. "C'mere," he said, and he took her hand as she moved toward him. He slipped off her rings, toying with them for a moment, and then reached his hands around her neck. He unhooked her chain, the one she never took off, and slid the silver through her rings before relatching it. "There ya go," he whispered.

She smiled as she palmed the rings, now around her neck, and she slid them up and down the chain twice before saying, "Thanks." She heard the small ding and walked through the opening doors.

"You know, uh, my head...feels fucking fine, now," he spoke, shooting her a smoky glare.

Her eyes widened and her lips twitched with the desire to grin, but she held it at bay, choosing to simply slap him in the chest playfully. "Work," she scolded, "You do remember how to do your job, right?" The doors began to open and she took a breath, trying to find herself again, despite the confusion in her life.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes dramatically as he followed her out, into the lobby. "Christ, I keep telling you, I do not have any kind of memory loss, whatsoever." He grabbed her hand and pulled, hard, spinning her into him. He smirked at her surprised gasp, and he narrowed his eyes when he bucked his body into hers, and she moaned. "I remember exactly where to touch you to drive you crazy, I know that little spot behind your ear...behind your knees...the dip between your hip and your thigh. I know how many times in a row I can make you cum before you need a break, and how long I can push you beyond that...believe me. I remember...everything."

Her eyes darkened at his words and her mouth and throat went dry, her body went completely numb. She had no idea how he knew about the spot behind her ear, her knees, her hips, or how he could know how many times in a row he made her do _anything_ remotely close to cum. But she believed him, God damn it, and she needed him to prove it. "We…" her lips brushed against his as he spoke. "We are at work," she yanked herself free from his hold, licked her lips, and turned sharply, hoping she managed to shy away from him before he saw her cheeks redden and her knees buckle slightly.

He let out a soft, arrogant laugh, running a hand down his tie. "You might want to slow down," he called to her, "You don't even know where we're going."

She pushed through the glass doors, taking a deep breath, letting the cold city air fill her lungs and stifle the heat he'd caused a moment ago. She pressed one palm to one of her cheeks, satisfied that they didn't feel warm, and let the door close when he stepped out in front of her. "What the hell has gotten into you?" she asked harshly, keeping his stride as they headed past the parking lot.

He gave an indifferent frown as he shook his head quickly. "Nothing, I just...I feel different. I don't know if it was getting whacked by that car, or hitting my head on the sidewalk, or what, but I feel fan-fucking-tastic, and I'm...I'm in a good fucking mood." He grabbed her hand, linking their fingers, and let their arms swing as they walked. "I can't explain it, I mean...I know I'm always…" his eyes narrowed and his smile widened, "Always fucking on edge, hard as a fucking titanium rod all the time, because of you, but ever since the accident it's…" he pulled her toward him again, this time feeling safe that no one who shouldn't see them was near. "It's worse. I have this fucking desperate need...to be inside you, to feel you, to make you…"

"Jesus Christ," her eyes fluttered shut and her body went slightly limp as she sank into him, heat rising through and around her again, especially right between her legs. She felt the dampness form, and she couldn't even deny the reason anymore. "Elliot, we need to…"

"I know, I know," he conceded, but his hands worked around her waist, up under her shirt. "Work. Right." He stared into her eyes as he flattened his palms against her back. "Kiss me."

Every cell in her body ignited and the tiny voice in the back of her mind that screamed it was wrong was thusly bitch-slapped and drop-kicked and she moved, pressing her lips to his. Her hands shot right to the back of his neck and she moaned, feeling his fingertips curl deeper into the skin of her back. His tongue swiped over her lips and she let him in, giving into whatever part of his brain thought she was his wife.

He pushed her, still attached to her lips, up against the side of the brick facade they'd been walking by, and he nudged his left leg between both of hers, hiking up his knee, pressing it into her sex. "Fuck," he huffed on a short, surprised laugh. He kicked up deeper into her, his hands moving down her bach and cupping her ass just above her thighs. He felt her body rock, it spurred him on and he gripped her harder, holding her down on his leg, making her ride her way to a fast and furious peak.

Her small, high squeal was swallowed by his kiss. Her hands gripped the sides of his head with such strength her knuckles whitened, and the more she tried to raise herself away, the harder he fought to keep her down against him. She felt him grunt into her mouth and she realized he knew exactly what had just happened, and she bit his bottom lip hard to get his attention, snap him out of it, so he wouldn't blow a gasket and make a mess he couldn't clean up.

"Holy shit," he breathed, pulling back and letting her drop her feet. He licked his bleeding lip, stunned, but had a proud and cocky smirk on his face. "God damn, baby, we...shit. That's never happened before."

She stared at him, her lips half parted and swollen, her hair mussed, her chest rising and falling with every heavy breath. "No, uh, not...not like that." She ran a hand through her hair and stumbled away from him, stabilizing her shaky legs. She grabbed the back of a metal bench and took a few deep breaths, calming down, feeling tiny aftershocks rolling through her. "Damn, El," she muttered.

He ran a hand down her back, rubbing in slow circles. "I don't know what…I'm sorry I…" He stopped talking, seeing her shoulders bounce. "Baby, are you…" he grinned, hearing her laugh hit his ears. "Are you...you're laughing, so...what, this was…"

"Oh, my God," she chortled, throwing her head back, her bright eyes matching her bright smile. One hand hit over her heart and the other still clutched the bench. "That was...I have had dreams about you doing that, but never in a million years thought you would actually do it."

He laughed with her, then, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It was, uh, kind of a fantasy, I guess...only, ya know, in my fantasy...we were, uh, a bit more...daring." He wagged his brows at her and they shared an easy smile and another bout of laughter.

She took one more deep breath and she gave him a smoldering look over her shoulder. It hit her, then, how he knew where to touch her, how to drive her crazy. She recalled, it was a night she thought he'd never remember because they'd both downed half a bottle of Jack and a lot of vodka. A game of _truth or dare_ had taken a dark turn, and they almost took things too far. Biting her lip, she still couldn't figure out how he could possibly remember making her cum more than once at a time, because they'd sobered up before he'd even found out how to do it once.

Her head shook as she laughed again, a bit more certainty sinking in, a bit more of her heart handing itself to him. "Maybe one day, we can live out your _real_ fantasy," she mused, "But we should…" she pointed to the stoplight, the white walk signal blinking.

He grabbed her hand and ran with her, weaving between people and dogs as they headed for the center of the city, the small metallic building that looked more like a diner than a police station coming into view. "Why the hell does Tucker need to see us, anyway?" He voices the concern out loud.

She squeezed his hand, fear setting in as she came to the conclusion that it probably had something to do with them, and the charade she had to keep up to prevent him from virtual insanity. "Dunno," she garbled, her lip between her teeth. She held her breath as Elliot pushed through the doors to One Police Plaza, and her heart stopped when Ed Tucker, IAB Sergeant, met them at the front desk. She tried to pull her hand out of Elliot's, but it only made him grip harder.

He turned to meet her wide eyes and asked, in a whisper, "Baby, what's the problem?"

She twisted their hands and shrugged. "Tucker...um...us, should we…"

"Oh, please," he scoffed, not letting her finish. "I can hold your damn hand, it's not like he's watching while I'm fucking bending you over a desk."

"Not that it wouldn't be a great show," Tucker griped, "But please, don't. At least, not my desk." He held out his hand and shook Elliot's free one, and nodded politely at Olivia. "I need the two of you on…" he paused. "How's the head?"

"Perfect, I wish people would stop asking me that," Elliot said with a hard huff. "You need us on what?"

Tucker noticed the panicked look in Olivia's eyes, and he tried to convey his acknowledgment of the situation with another nod, and said, "A case. One we can't seem to crack on our own, and I need you two because...well, the prick is in your unit, and it's…" he sighed. "We realized, it's personal."

Elliot brought Olivia's hand up with his as his nails scratched his chin. "Personal, how?"

"I don't know how to tell you this," Tucker started, and he smiled slightly when he watched Elliot kiss Olivia's knuckles before dropping their hands again. "Elliot, you getting hit by that car...it wasn't an accident."

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"So how do we play this?" His voice was a whisper, his eyes boring into hers as they stepped out of the elevator. He kept his hand on her lower back as they walked down the hallway.

"Before or after I kill him?" she asked, her mouth flat and jaw clenched. She was serious, her anger and hurt rising like the tide, but part of her wanted to thank the bastard. His attempt to take Elliot out of the game gave her the life she'd dreamed of for the last few years.

He kissed her cheek, whispered something into her ear, and pulled back before they rounded the corner and came into view of someone else. "You get into his system, I'll ask the right questions, and Tucker will owe us another fucking favor when we're done." He sat at his desk, winked at her as she moved toward her chair, and exhaled, relaxing into the job he had to do.

"Shit," she uttered under her breath. "Coffee." She shook her head and bypassed her rolling leather seat to head over to the table near the staircase, which housed the foam cups, coffee pot, and a few mix-ins. She made two cups with creamer and some of the pink sweetener, and when she turned to bring them over toward Elliot, she was stopped by the one person she didn't really want to see.

"You look hot in that." Cassidy pointed and waved his finger at her, indicating her figure hugging suit.

She raised an eyebrow and moved in an attempt to get around him, saying a quick, "Thanks." She held in a gasp when his body stopped hers, and she looked up into his menacing eyes. "Excuse me," she said with a plastered on smile.

Cassidy chuckled as he moved aside, but he watched her walk toward Elliot, licking his lips.

"Okay," Elliot began, an icy glare in his eyes as he reached out to take a cup from Olivia, "I think I like your plan, let's kill him."

She rolled her eyes as she sat down. "Relax," she said, sipping her coffee. "He wouldn't be so forward if he knew…" she bit her lip and shook her head, knowing that Cassidy, and everyone else, knew the truth, and what she was about to say was the lie that she was starting to let herself believe. "Anyway," she sighed, starting to run a search on her computer, and opening her database program. She took a breath and tried to log into the system with Cassidy's credentials, and she chuckled. "You've got to be kidding me," she said, raising one brow.

Elliot lifted both and asked a silent question.

Laughing again, she told him, "His password is ' _Password123'_ with a question mark at the end." She licked her lips and looked back down toward the monitor, filtering through the recently opened files and recent search terms. "Nothing out of the ordinary, for the most part, except…" her eyes widened. "Your personnel file...and mine. Shit."

"So, Tucker was right," Elliot scowled.

Olivia kept clicking, moving files, and deleting ones Cassidy shouldn't have been able to access in the first place. "Why the hell would Cassidy have…"

"You heard Tucker. He said it's personal," Elliot interrupted, brining his coffee to his lips again. He sipped, swallowed, and said, "He's after my job, we've always thought that. It kills him that I'm technically his superior, that I'm a federal contact, and you and me, babe, we get the glory even when the case isn't ours." He took a sharp breath, letting it out with irritation. "It's also no big secret that he wants you, and maybe he thinks with me out of commission...even if he didn't kill me, if I was in the hospital, or had broken something...he'd be able to step in and...well, as your partner, he'd get you alone." He leaned forward, dropped his cup to his desktop, and lowered his voice. "He knows the only way he'd ever get that close to you...is over my dead body."

"And that was almost Monday," she whispered back, unconsciously trembling at the thought of what could have happened if the car hit him harder, if he'd fallen with more of a direct hit to the head. Her eyes welled up and she shook her head as a hand flew to her mouth. There was no stopping it, she didn't even have the wherewithal to try. Her shoulders bounced as she sobbed, panicked breathing making her cries breathy and quick.

"Honey," he gasped, rising fast, and he ran around their desks to her. He pulled her up and into his arms, yelling over his shoulder, "Yo, Cap?" He pulled back and looked at her again, cupping her face. "I'm fine, baby," he whispered. "I'm right here, okay? I'm fine."

She nodded as Cragen came running out of his office, and she ignored the confused and slightly angry look Cassidy was giving them.

"What happened?" Cragen asked, narrowing his eyes at the rather new and too-intimate display in his squad room. He felt his heart race the longer he stared, one of his best detectives, the strongest woman he knew, was having a complete breakdown in her partner's arms. "What the hell happened to her?"

"I...I don't know," Elliot said, tilting his head. "Maybe it's the accident...what, uh, what happened to me, I mean...she's been trying to be strong about it, but…maybe this is her finally..." he shook his head. "I need to take her home."

"Go," Cragen nodded, not liking the lie she had to live, but hating the truth even more. "Yeah, go," he repeated, not wanting to see her cry anymore. "I'll, uh, I'll take care of your...case."

Elliot nodded once back at him, and he kept one arm around Olivia as he guided her out of the squad room, through the hall, and veered left into the stairwell. "Okay," he breathed, knowing on one could see or hear them, and he pulled her to him and kissed her. His hands brushed slowly through her hair, his moving lips catching the tears on their way down her face. "Baby," he whispered, "Breathe."

Her body quaked against his as her arms flew around him. "I can't...I couldn't have...I don't know what I would have done if…" she sniffled and she tried to make sense of the mess in her head, the truth behind her words blurring behind the reality that she had no honest claim to him, and he wasn't really hers to lose. "God, Elliot, when I got that phone call...and they told me you were unconscious, I...I couldn't breathe, I couldn't feel anything...I went cold and then I went numb, and then I…"

He kissed her again, stopping her words, stopping her panic. Moving his fingers slowly up and down her back, he slowly kissed away her tears, silence filling the spaces between steadying breaths and quieted sobs. He pulled away from her and let his head rest against hers, and he brushed her nose with his as he whispered, "I'm never leaving you. Never." He nudged her playfully with his nose again, bringing a smile to her face. "You've been holding that in for a couple of days, huh?"

"You have no idea," she chuckled. "We should go back into…"

"Uh-uh," he refuted, shaking his head. "I said I was taking you home, I'm taking you home." He dragged his hands down her body, twisting and grabbing one of her hands. Linking their fingers, he pulled her down the stairs fast, and once he pushed the exit door opened, he told her, "It's only quarter after twelve, we can stop for some real fucking coffee, get home, change out of these suits…" He paused, seeing a hot dog vendor rolling his cart into place a few feet away. He smirked and he turned to look at her. "Do you remember...it was your second week with the unit, and we came out this way to get a cup of coffee, and you said you had a craving for a chili dog with relish on it."

"You asked me if I was pregnant," she laughed, remembering the almost jealous look in his eyes when he asked, and the relief that flooded him when she said no. She moved with him, past the vendor, toward the parking lot.

He chuckled again and continued. "The look on that guy's face when you made him make it for you," he tugged her closer and kissed her cheek. "You took a bite, and some of the chili sauce ran down your chin, and you were so worried it was going to get on your shirt…"

"But you…" she furrowed her brow as she remembered the rest of it, stunning herself. "You licked it off, told me you were only protecting me, like a good partner."

He shrugged innocently. "I wasn't allowed to be anything but your partner, we were at work." He scraped his teeth over his lower lip, narrowing his eyes. "I hate it sometimes, you know?" He fished his keys out of his pocket and unlocked their sedan. "That I can't kiss you, that for at least ten hours a day, I have to deny that you're my wife, and the cases that last days...they kill me." He stopped them just beside the rusty brown car, turned her toward him, and gave her a serious look. "Through it all, there is never a single moment when I forget, when I lose sight of you, when I don't ache to hold you, kiss you...tell you how much I love you," he spoke, his words begging her to trust them. "You and the kids...are always on my mind, in my heart…" it was his turn to cry, a single tear slowly running down his left cheek.

She brushed it away, praying that somehow, the life he remembered would be the life she could give him, and some part of her hoped to God that whatever part of his memory took off running would never come back. She had a feeling she wouldn't be the only one devastated if he regained total recall, and forgot how happy he felt now, with her. She kissed him again and, though she knew that what it implied wasn't morally right, she whispered, "Forget the coffee. Take me home, baby."

He grinned at her, sniffling, and he opened the passenger side door for her. When she was settled in, he slammed it shut and ran around to the driver's side, got in fast, and peeled out of the parking lot as though he were embarking on a high speed chase. He drove out into the street, angry drivers honking as he got in their way, and he weaved in and out of lanes, keeping one lead foot on the gas.

"You want to get yourself into another accident?" she teased, shocked at how recklessly he was driving, but knowing what was going through his head, and why he was so eager to get to Queens, as fast as possible.

"Please," he scoffed, "I know what I'm doing. I've driven crazier, but I'm always careful, right? I'm just…" he swallowed the words as he swerved into another lane, speeding toward the bridge. "I was thinking…"

"Dear lord, we're in trouble," she joked, watching his eyes and face contort at her mockery. "What were you thinking?"

He flew through the bypass lane and zigged and zagged his way over the bridge, not concerned with the drivers giving him the finger or shouting out their windows at him. "The twins...they're seven already."

Olivia's heart stopped, she knew what he was about to suggest, about to offer. "Uh, yes, yes they are." She swallowed the grapefruit sized lump that had formed in her throat, and she prayed she was wrong, that he was only going to talk about throwing an unforgettable eighth birthday party for them, because if he said the words she feared he would, there would be no going back, even if he ever did remember the truth.

"Maybe, uh, maybe we should…" he blinked once as he slapped his blinker downward and changed lanes again, ready to turn off the exit. "You want them, right? More kids? We should...I want another baby, baby."

Her eyes blurred and then refocused on his face, the goofy grin and sparkling eyes, the excited joy in every feature completely knocked her for a loop. Inside, she was screaming, her heart ripping apart, half of it leaping for joy and wanting to shout _Fucking God, Yes_ while the other half tore itself to shreds with its own teeth out of guilt and loathing. She bit her lip, conflicted. If she said yes, she'd have to sleep with him, with the intention of getting knocked up, and hope that he would still want to be a part of the child's life if his memory came back, and he didn't hate her. If she said no, she'd have to explain why, and no conceivable lie would make sense, the truth could literally kill him.

He cleared his throat, taking her silence as an answer. "Well, I mean, it was just a thought," he said, sounding disappointed. "We, uh, we're never...we've never been careful, and the other kids...they came almost one right after the other, they're all only two years apart, I'm just…" he bit his lip. "We should have already had a couple more by now, so I...I thought, if we actively, you know, tried…"

"You think there's something wrong?" she asked, concerned now. He had a point, why hadn't he and Kathy had any more children after the twins, if they were leaving it up to God and not taking any precautions against it? But then, she remembered a conversation, a few years back, after a couple of beers and bad karaoke, when he let it slip that he wasn't even sleeping with Kathy anymore. Her heart thumped. Maybe this is exactly what he'd wanted, after all. "El?"

He shook his head as he pulled into the driveway. "No, no, I just...I think with the stress at work, the hours we've both been pulling lately...we haven't given it a fair chance. We haven't really taken our time in the last five years, since you started at the unit. It's been rushed, between cases in the cribs or in the few hours the kids are asleep and we know we're getting a call. We have had to be so fucking quick, and we, uh...we used to have all the time in the world, so maybe we need to set aside a couple days a month, get that back," he blinked. "What do you think? Do you...want to give it a shot?"

She looked into his eyes and saw that spark of sincerity again, he was asking her, with every fiber of his being, to have his child. She opened her mouth but was saved from answering by her ringing cell phone. She gave him an apologetic look as he turned off the car, and the pair got out of the car as she answered the call with a short, "Benson."

He whispered a harsh, "Stabler," at her and stuck his tongue out at her.

Rolling her eyes and chuckling, she replied, "No, um, not yet. I'm sorry. I'm...excuse me? I'm not exactly enjoying it, either! This fucking sucks! How dare you even...oh, yeah, right, this is all my fault! You're divorce is...I really…" she blinked, realizing she was yelling, seeing that he was staring, and she headed toward the side of the house and lowered her voice. "Yes, I love him, you know that, Kathy, but this is not how I wanted any of this to happen. No, God, I didn't mean that I wanted it to happen at all! No. It's...it's going to kill me, and from the way he's been talking, it's going to kill him, the second he…" she gasped when Elliot ripped the phone out of her hand and brought it to his own ear.

"Hello? Um, who is this?" He listened. "Who? Oh, you...the woman from the hospital? How did you get this number?" He shoved Olivia back toward the porch steps, goading her up them. "Well, whatever, you upset my wife and I have no idea what you could possibly have to…" his eyes narrowed and he gave Olivia a confused look. "You're in a book club?"

"What?" she scoffed, her flummoxed expression mirroring his as he opened the door.

He pushed the painted oak door inward and quickly keyed in the alarm code. "This woman says you're in her book club and you stole her copy of _Gone With the Wind_? You hate that book," he told her. "You hated the movie even more, you kept throwing cheese puffs at the TV."

Olivia let out a loud laugh, loving that he remembered that night, one of their first movie-nights at her place. "Jesus," she wheezed. "No, uh, I'm not in a book club. You'd know."

"Don't call her again," Elliot spat into the phone and then he hung up and handed it back to her. "You, uh, you never told me...why she was at the hospital."

Olivia choked, and then she said the first thing that made sense, the truth. "She's the one who found you, outside. She's the one who called Nine-One-One, so I guess...she wanted to see how you were doing." She took a breath as she took her jacket off and hung it on the rack. "You probably scared her, you know, you're pretty intimidating, so she...made up some excuse about a book…"

"Block her number," Elliot told her, cutting her off as he peeled his own suit jacket off, tossing it over the arm of the couch. He moved fast, then, and scooped Olivia up into his arms. "I don't want her upsetting you again.I think she's got a couple of screws loose." He kissed her once, long and slow, and her moan sparked something in him. "Baby," he whispered, and then he carried her up the stairs. He kicked his bedroom door open and dropped her down onto the bed, and winked at her as he pulled off his tie. "You never answered me, honey," he whispered, a dark tone to his voice.

Her heart was racing, her palms were starting to sweat, her knees began to shake. "Um, what was the question?"

He tossed his tie over his shoulder, then slowly unbuttoned his shirt, letting it fall away. "Are you ready…" he shrugged the fabric off completely, letting it fall to the floor, and then he crawled over her and nimbly flicked open the buttons on her shirt. "To have…" he slowly dropped soft kisses to each bit of exposed skin, sliding the cotton off of her stomach. "Another baby?" He held her gaze as he kissed he spot just above her belly button, and then dipped his tongue into it, making her back arch.

Her head fell back against the pillow, her eyes slid shut, and as he worked the clasp on her black pants open, she moaned out her answer.

Grinning slyly, he began to pull the black slacks over her hips, his heart beating fast in his chest. He pulled her shoes off with her pants, and then righted up onto his knees. "Liv?" he called to her sweetly.

She let her eyes flutter open, training themselves on his, and she shivered slightly. "Hmm?" she replied, watching as he shoved his pants down and kicked them off, and then began to move over her again.

When he met her nose-to-nose, he kissed her slowly, moving his hands to her chest. He let his thumbs graze her silk-covered nipples, moaning as they beaded and hardened at his touch. "You're so fucking sexy," he whispered, "So beautiful." He teased her, flicking at her nipples through her bra, and when she gasped, her back arched, and he took the chance and reached a hand under her. He unhooked it, blindly, and slowly slid the straps down her shoulders and pulled the garment away from her.

He felt her freeze, stiffen, and tremble beneath him. He pulled back and looked down, letting his eyes take in all of her, and he beamed brightly back at her. "Baby, you are...absolutely perfect. You take my breath away, always, but seeing you...like this...you have no idea how gorgeous you are, how incredible your body is, how…" he smoothed his palms along the curves of her breasts and then tweaked both of her nipples with his fingers. "How fucking erotic you look when you're like this." He trailed his hands lower, gripping her silk underwear, and almost as if he was asking permission, he raised one eyebrow.

Her nerves were shot. She had never wanted anything more in her life, she had never wanted anyone as much as she wanted him, but it seemed wrong, it felt as though it was happening under false pretenses, that once he got his memory back he would regret it, regret her, but the look in his eyes told her the truth. She took a shaky breath and nodded once, and she watched as he dropped his gaze to her body, licking his lips as he slid the panties down her smooth legs. She gasped at the fire in his eyes, the desire, and when he looked back at her, she was stunned to see tears in them. "El?"

He shook his head, not trusting words, and he closed his eyes as he pulled himself back up to his knees and worked his way out of his boxers. "We have time, now," he whispered, finding strength to speak, "I want to show you...how much I love you. No rush, just...just us…" And he stared into her eyes as he slid along, pressing his lips to her stomach again, and then her hips, her inner thighs.

"Oh, my God, Elliot," she whimpered, realizing what he was about to do, where he was heading.

He looked at her still, and he let a soft kiss fall to a patch of skin just above her bare, slick pussy. "You love me, don't you?"

"Oh, my God, yes," she said breathlessly as she nodded, her body on fire, nervous excitement coursing through every vein. "You know...God, you know I love you. So much." Her left hand moved to the back of his head, filtering through his short hair, her right shot to her neck where it began to play with the rings on her chain.

He smiled at her, tears still milling about in his eyes as they darkened, and he lowered his head and began to lick, long laps, upward, delving deep between her folds. He moaned at first taste, as if he'd never had something so incredible on his tongue before, and he began to work her over with fervor. Eager, he sucked her flesh into his mouth, let it go again, licked up and down and then flicked the tip of his tongue over her clit.

"Holy shit," she panted, her back arching, her hand twisting his short hair before flattening at the back of his head. "Elliot, baby, oh, my God."

He gave a proud and satisfied moan as he closed his lips around her clit and suckled, loving the way she rocked her hips against him and pressed his face deeper into her. He let her go with a soft pop, and he licked his lips as he moved. "You taste," he breathed, "So fucking amazing." He dropped soft, wet kisses along every inch of her body as he worked his way up.

"Elliot," she whispered as she let her eyelids close, unable to wrap her head around what was happening, but unconcerned with consequences. "I love you," she said to him again, and when she opened her eyes, he was hovering right above her, looking right at her. She watched it happen, and then she felt it, as his tears dripped onto her cheek. She reached up and swept them away, sniffling, realizing she, too, was crying, and suddenly the fear and worry disappeared.

He wanted this as much as she did, he loved her as much as she loved him, and the entirety of his brain, body, heart, and soul knew it to be true. "I love you," he whispered back to her. "I'm here, and I'm fine, baby," he breathed to her. "And I love you," he said, and he inhaled slowly, holding his breath for a moment, and when he felt her arms hook around his back, he pushed himself into her, and exhaled with a low moan of her name. He bent his head and kissed her as he thrust, and he whispered to her, over and over, as he kept a slow, deep pace.

She dragged her nails up and down his back, making him grunt, and then slipped her hands away from him to meet his palms at the mattress. She worked her hands under his, linking and curling their fingers, and she looked into his eyes again. "You promised," she cried, arching her back as he hit a perfect spot inside of her. "You...you can't leave me, now."

He shook his head and kissed her again. "Never, baby," he vowed, sniffling away the last of his tears, and he picked up the pace only slightly, keeping his word and taking his time. "Oh, my Liv," he whispered against her lips. "I love you."

"I love you," she returned, feeling her muscles begin to tighten in a way they never had before, burning so intensely.

He felt her tightening, causing his eyes to roll and his head to fall back. When he dropped it again to look at her, his jaw fell and he gave a shocked, open-mouthed grin. "You feel...so fucking perfect. Hot, tight, so wet...for me, right?" He bent his head and kissed her. "Always just for me, baby. The only one. Ever."

"Fuck, yes, baby," she agreed, and it wasn't a lie. He was the only one who had ever loved her like this, taken and given so much, brought her so close to the edge so fast, made her feel powerfully loved.

And as they worked to bring each other to a hard boil and thunderous explosion, two cell phones rang, and were ignored. It would take a few hours, a few long, sweaty, passionate hours for them to check the messages that Ed Tucker and Captain Cragen were leaving for them, their words changing everything, all over again.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

Olivia was silent, deadly quiet, as she dressed in the bedroom. She ignored Elliot's attempts at conversation, unintentionally. She honestly did not hear him trying to talk to her. Her mind was still in the shower where he made love her a second time, as deeply as he had the first, unaware that he was changing her entire world, believing it was as it had always been.

"Baby?" he called, louder, a slight annoyance and bit of worry in his voice.

The word snapped her out of her haze. "Huh?"

He smiled at her longingly. "You okay? You, uh, you haven't heard a single thing I said, have you?"

She bit her lip as she gave him a silent 'no,' shaking her head, and shrugged apologetically. "Just have...a lot on my mind." She pulled a grey long-sleeved sweater over her head, letting her hands run down to her stomach, wondering if by some miracle he had gotten his amnesiatic wish. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"What are we doing?" he asked, something almost regretful in his words.

Her head whipped toward him, her eyes wide. "El?" she questioned, assuming he had remembered, that he questioned being half naked in the room with her. "What?"

"I mean," he moved closer to her as he tugged his tee shirt on, and he wrapped his arms around her. "Are we heading into the station, meeting Tucker at the scene? What are we doing?" He kissed her softly.

She let her head rest against his as she offered another shrug. "Oh, uh, I guess...Cragen can wait, we should probably head to the park. Tucker scares off all the rookies if we leave him…"

"What's the matter, honey?" he prodded, cutting off her words and nudging her with his nose. "You're...something's off."

She scoffed. Yes, something was off! Her deepest fantasies were finally realized, and she couldn't share the excitement and newness of her shifted universe with him. All of her sweet midnight dreamings had been fully realized and she wasn't allowed to bask in the shock or revel in the afterglow the way every cell in her body begged her to, because though he was a very willing participant in it all, it wasn't _new_ to _him_. The romanticism of their first time together lost a bit of the magic, a bit of the perfection, because, although he cried with her and made it as incredibly powerful as she'd dreamed, even more so, there were still pieces missing. "I'm fine," she whispered, and she turned her eyes up, looking into his, and suddenly all of the doubtful remorse was lost. Gone. She saw validity in his eyes, the truth behind the vaguely meshed memories, and she felt her heart pound. "I would just...really like to…" her hands slipped lower on his back, sliding down his jeans, cupping his ass, "Get back in bed."

"Oh, is that so?" he teased, kissing her and snapping playfully at her lips. "I could always call Cragen and…"

His words were killed by the shrill ring of his cell phone. "Shit," he spat, and he kissed her again before reaching into his pocket and answering the call. "Stabler," he almost growled, bucking his hips into Olivia, who had squeezed his ass. He raised an eyebrow and smirked at her, shaking his head, and into the phone he said, "No, I don't think that's a good idea. We, uh, we're happy. Very. More than anything," he spoke, looking deeply into Olivia's eyes. "I'm absolutely sure. Bye," he ended the call and crashed his mouth into hers, kissing her with a moan of her name that sounded like a loud prayer.

She hummed as she pushed him back, chuckling. "Who the hell was that?"

He grinned at her. "Some schmuck asking if we were happy with our cable provider," he told her. "But you...I just thought, damn, you looked like you needed to be kissed." He let one hand slip down her arm and latch with her fingers, tangling them. He tugged her over to their nightstand, grabbed their badges, and clipped hers on her hip before locking his own into place. "You always look like you need to be kissed," he whispered as he stared at her again. He kissed her softly, giving a light moan, and led her out of the bedroom and into the hallway. "Hey, Nate," he said to his brother, who was sitting on the couch reading a trashy magazine.

"Well, if it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Smith," Nathan quipped, smirking. "Off to save the world?"

"Yeah," Elliot nodde, "And could you get rid of that piece of shit?" he flicked the magazine as Nathan tried to turn the page. "We have little kids, and the last thing I need to explain to my seven-year-old son is why boobs come in so many different sizes."

Nathan laughed. "Relax," he moaned, "The little guy will never even know I got it. Besides, uh, I took this out of the box of these you have in the basement."

"Excuse me?" Olivia's eyes shot toward Elliot as her brows rose along with her temper, until she realized there was no legitimate reason for her to be so annoyed by such a typical male behavior.

"He's lying," Elliot said coolly, shaking his head. "You know damn well the only boxes in the basement are Christmas decorations, all the kids crafts and stuff from school, and old college textbooks," he told her. "Not to mention, I haven't so much as thought about buying one of those fucking magazines in…" he let his eyes travel down Olivia's body and back up, slowly, taking in every curve. "God. Years." He pulled her roughly to him, ignoring Nathan. "Since I met you," he said, sweeping his hands over her back as he kissed her again. "You have no idea how fucking sexy you are, baby. You have this...fucking killer body that could make every girl in every one of those pictures cry." He let his teeth clamp gently down on her bottom lip, he tugged on it playfully, and then moaned as his eyes rolled backward. "Fucking Christ, Olivia, you drive me crazy," he complained through gritted teeth, moving back from her and pulling down on the denim crotch of his jeans. "Hopefully, can calm down before we get there," he chuckled. "And you…" he pointed to his brother. "They need to be at school, on time, and they're not allowed to…"

"I know," Nathan rolled his eyes and held up a hand. "No TV until their homework's finished, no candy or cake before dinner, if you're not home by seven, feed them. I'm not new at this."

Elliot chuckled and waved, pulling a very confused Olivia out through the front door. "You know my family's fucking whacked out if _he_ is the one we trust with the kids," he joked, unlocking the car. He looked at her, seeing the question mark on her face. "What, baby?"

She bit her lip and shook her head, knowing anything she said could be damaging to him, but she wasn't sure why Nathan was so agreeable to things, and why he acted as though coming to watch the kids in the middle of the night was a norm. She brushed it off, figuring Nathan was just as worried about causing Elliot more pain as she was, and got into the car.

Elliot sighed and closed his eyes, worried, as he, too, sat and settled, and then started the car. "Honey, uh, did…" he paused and let out a hard breath. "Did something feel...different...last night?"

She froze. Her heart stopped. This was it. This was when he got it all back and flipped the hell out. "Yes," she answered honestly, her voice barely a whisper. "God, I felt...everything. It was like…"

"The first time," he nodded with a soft smile. "I thought...I thought it was just me," he confessed with a slight laugh. He grabbed her hand and held it over the gear-shift, and he took a relieved breath as he pulled out of the driveway. "That guy...before me. The one with the bleached hair and nose ring, that you only dated…"

"To piss off my mother," she finished, looking at him with astonished eyes and a dropped jaw. "How the fuck do you remember that? I mentioned him to you, like, once."

He licked his lips. "I remember, you told me you thought you were gonna have to marry him just so your mother would leave you alone. But then...I came along, and your mom told you…"

"He's the one," she gasped, recalling a conversation she had with him only a couple weeks after they'd met, when he crossed paths with her mother. It was a moment she'd almost forgotten about, so how and why did he remember? "God, she started planning the wedding before anything was even...well, I mean, obviously we weren't…"

"She knew," he interrupted her. "She knew, baby, that I would love you, take care of you, for the rest of our lives. It took her, what, five minutes to figure it out?" he chuckled. "My mother...my mother said the same thing. It was my dad…" he blinked quickly a few times, rolling his shoulders. "My dad, uh, well, you know what he was like." He caught her eyes and smiled at her. "We proved him wrong, didn't we, though? We're happy, we haven't had a single fucking problem, ever, and we have the most amazing kids, working on another one...I have never raised a hand to them or you, and I will never, I promise."

"Why are you…" she breathed. "Where is this coming from?"

"I saw the look in your eyes," he told her. "When you got that message from Tucker. A cop...a good one...goes home drunk, confused, rapes his own wife after knocking his son around...it…" he squeezed the bridge of his nose as he stepped on the brake and stopped the car. "I swear, on my life," he sniffled, unable to fight the tears anymore. "Baby, never. I will never…"

"Shh," she soothed, unhooking her seat belt and throwing herself over the console to hold him. "I know, Elliot, that is one thing you will never have to worry about me _ever_ believing, I know you." She brushed away his tears. "I know." She held his pained gaze for a moment and then kissed him, fiercely. She threw her moral composition out the window, completely, because if his emotions were running this high, then this was the life he fucking wanted, and she was going to give it to him, with everything she had. She pulled away from him when it became too hard to breathe, and she brushed her thumbs under his eyes. "You know, I never...not once, not for a single second, thought you'd ever do anything like…"

"I'm not my father," he interrupted her, his voice breaking on the whispered words. "You're not your mother, and I am not my fucking father."

She looked at him, quiet again, and some small voice in the back of her mind told her that he was saying this all to convince her having a baby, right now, wasn't a mistake, but he shouldn't need to qualify or convince if he believed that they'd already had four children. Maybe his injury was healing, the bruising leaving confusion in its wake but not yet enough recollection? She pushed the thoughts away, empathy seeping into every muscle as she watched him slap in irritation at the tears still falling down his face. "We are nothing like them," she whispered, honestly. "We are so much better than they could ever have hoped to be, and we...we don't owe them anything, we did...everything we have done...we are who and what we are, not because of them, but because of…"

"Each other," he finished with a soft nod. He looked into her eyes with such a penetrating gaze it seemed to reach her soul. "It's always been you," he let out on a breath. "You and me."

His words made her heart pound harder and her lips curled into a real, sweet smile. "I love you," she told him, the only words that formed, that made any sense.

"I love you, baby," he returned, kissing her one last time before shaking his head and grumbling, "We have to go out there, don't we?"

"Tucker could make our lives Hell if we don't," she joked, her hand on the car handle. "Hey, uh, what did Cragen say? The message he left you?"

He cleared his throat and reached out a hand, pulling a piece of fuzz off of her sweater. "Nothing, just...um, Cassidy...denies being the guy behind the wheel. But we didn't think he'd confess, right? They still, uh, they know it was him, so it's...open and standing."

She ran a hand through his hair and kissed his cheek. "I'm so sorry," she gave, her voce shaky as the words tried to form on the air, and the apology held so much more than regret over a disgruntled co-worker.

"Don't be," he chuckled, his mood seeming to suddenly shift. "I'm not. I got a couple headaches, but other than that, nothing. He wanted to fuck up my life, and it didn't happen, did it? What did that fucker really get away with?" He winked at her and got out of the car, slipping into the professional detective demeanor.

She bit her lip as she followed him, hoping they could make it through the day, through the case, and get home. She smirked as she resolved to give him exactly what he wanted, and make their life, now, so incredible, that if he ever did get his memories back, he'd be too in love with her to leave her.

She just didn't realize how easy it would be to make him happy.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"Liv," a small, whispered voice hissed from behind her, giggling when she turned around wide-eyed with a hand over her chest. "Sorry,' the child apologized. "Did, um, did he say anything about Mom? Er, Kathy, or…" the child broke off, biting her lip.

Olivia took a calming breath, lowered her hand, and turned, resuming loading the dishwasher. "No, Maureen," she sighed. "No, he, uh...still doesn't remember the truth." She slammed the washer door shut, punched the buttons, and turned sharply. "And please don't start on me about how I must be so happy about all of this. I got that enough from someone else, trust me, this isn't…"

"Hey, easy," the young blonde held up both hands and looked stunned, almost scared. "I wasn't even going there." She took a step closer and rested a hand tentatively on Olivia's arm. "We know this is just as hard on you as it is...well, as it was...for us." She smiled at the slightly shocked and possibly sick look Olivia was now giving her. "Yeah, I said 'was,' you heard me. We see it, you know. We all do. This is real, and we know it...it's not all because of a knock on the head."

Olivia's answer was a bitten lip and raised eyebrow.

Maureen ran her hand down Olivia's arm and then took her hand. "He's been in love with you for so long, we all knew it. Even Mom. That's part of the reason they got divorced." She shot a glance toward the kitchen doorway, hoping her father was out of earshot. "Seeing how happy he is with you, it...well, you need to understand we can't remember him ever being like that. A smile none of us have seen, unless he was with you, the laughing, the way he looks at you like you created the universe...the way he kisses you when he thinks we aren't looking, the way he does it even when he knows we are...that all means something. Doesn't it?"

Olivia ran her free hand through her hair as her other one tightened its grip on the girl's hand. "Yeah," she whispered with a nod. "You sure you're only eleven?"

Maureen laughed. "I take after my Dad. And I learned a lot from you, too." She took another breath. "It's real for him, for...all of us."

"I'm not just going through the motions, here, either," Olivia told her. "I'm not going to lie to you, Maur, I…I love..."

"Duh! That's what I'm saying here," Maureen interrupted with a smile. "It's okay if...even when he starts to remember, if you...this is hard, okay, give me a minute." She took a slow breath, licked her lips, cleared her throat, and said, "He and Mom...they're done, anyway. You got to those papers before he did, but we know they came in the mail, so...would it be so wrong if you stayed? Truth is, we all...we really do love you, and having you here, full-time momming us instead of the bits and pieces we got between cases or on weekends...we're used to it, now. It's more than any of us remember getting from...well, before...and...Dad isn't the only one who's been ridiculously happy lately." She looked down at her hand in Olivia's and suddenly felt guilty. "I just...I know it sucks for Mom. I wish this happened differently, but we aren't upset about it anymore. We just have to tell him that, when he remembers."

Olivia sniffled, the girl's words hitting her heart and soul. She let the tears slowly trickle down her cheeks as she whispered, "But what if he remembers, and he hates me for lying to…"

"You haven't lied to him," Maureen told her, interrupting again. "The accident just forced you to be honest with him. With all of us. You did it, thinking his brain would explode or something, only adding to the list of times you saved his life, but none of it has actually been a lie. We all know that."

Olivia heard hit heavy footsteps and dropped Maureen's hand as she quickly turned around and wiped her eyes.

"Hi, Daddy," Maureen chirped innocently.

Elliot moved over to his daughter, kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, contented. "Hi, sweetie. You helping Mom with the dishes?"

Maureen nodded against her dad's chest, then pushed away. "I'm going to tell Kathleen to take our hampers into the laundry room, and I'll get Dickie's, but I have to find my nose plugs from summer camp before I go into his room." She blinked and screwed up her face, contorting it in confusion. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're going to do the laundry?" he asked, sounding stunned, his eyes wide and his smile broad.

"Dad," Maureen groaned, rolling her eyes. "You know Mom doesn't do laundry. Please, the first time she loaded the dishwasher, she broke out in hives. Laundry might kill her." She shook her head and walked out of the kitchen, hearing her father's loud laugh fade as she moved.

He let out one final chuckle and leaned back against the counter, and then moved again to pull Olivia into his arms. "Dinner was fabulous," he said, bending his head. He kissed her slowly, deeply, and when he pulled back he looked into her brown eyes, grinning at the love he found in them. "What's for dessert?"

She took a deep breath and pressed her hands against his chest. "I think there's ice cream in the…" her words were stopped by his, this kiss deeper, sharper. Her fingers curled, twisting the fabric of his shirt in her hands. Unconsciously, she bucked forward, rubbing her heat against his already pronounced bulge. She caught his moan in her mouth and let one of her own echo it, gasping when his hands moved down her body to cup and grip her ass.

He bucked right back at her, harder, holding her tightly against him, practically forcing her to feel it all as he ground into her with a soft grunt. They were getting a bit carried away, but he didn't seem to care at all, until a loud whistle hit his ears. He had no intention of stopping as he grinned against her lips.

Her yelp and abrupt shove didn't give him much choice, though, and she turned to see Nate in the doorway, grinning smugly and licking his lips. "If I had a dollar for every time I walked in on you two…"

"Can it, asshole," Elliot shot, tossing up his middle finger as he ran his other hand down his face in a futile attempt to calm himself down. "If you know how to walk into rooms, you can figure out how to walk out of them, can't you?"

Nathan chuckled again. "And miss this amazing opportunity to embarrass you?" He shrugged. "Liv always gets caught in the net, but, big brother, I set the trap for you and you always walk right into it." He laughed to himself as he walked over to the refrigerator. "Besides, your daughter is coming back this way. Figured I had to walk in on you before she did. I didn't want to cut it off so soon, it was just getting heavy."

"You were watching us?" Olivia fumed, then, her blush giving way to ruddy anger. "Jesus, Nathan!"

He grabbed a can of beer and held up his hands like a criminal being caught. "Oh, forgive me, officer," he joked. He put his arms down and popped the can, taking a long sip. "You two are hot. Always have been." He turned to leave but Olivia grabbed his arm and pulled him into the dining room, ignoring him as he said, "Oh, maybe now you want to see what it's like with a different Stabler!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Olivia hissed in a heated whisper. "You have been saying things that are only going to make him believe…"

"You're the one who said we needed to play along," Nate interjected, pointing at her with his can of Bud Light. "Now, I know my brother, and I have heard all of his crazy fantasies about you...because, Benson, he has them. A lot of them." He grinned. "Lucky bastard gets to fulfill them now, doesn't he? I say shit he has to believe! Forgive me for trying to keep him from having a stroke!"

Olivia gnawed on the inside of her cheek. "You just...you say things and he...he reacts like he remembers, like he knows what the hell you're talking about, but it…"

"Because I'm pulling shit from dreams he's had, fantasies he used to tell me about at the bar, watching the ball game. Third inning ain't even over and he starts in about how he envisions his life so differently, what it would have been like if he met you before Kathy." He sipped his beer while staring into her eyes. "Things I bring up? He remembers, because they're real in his head. Little snippets of the life he used to dream about." He exhaled sharply. "His brain is fucking playing hide-and-seek, and it found the safest place to hide. You, because you take up all the fucking room in his head, anyway. And his heart. It was easy for him to wake up and believe you were his wife because even before that bastard mowed him down, it's what he wanted." He took one more long sip of beer. "He was planning this fucking cheesy ass speech, for when Kathy left his ass for good, he was going to try to win you over, had the kids practicing some ridiculous poem he wrote for you." He smirked. "Friend of yours whacks him with a fucking sedan, he flies into the mailbox, lands on his fucking hard ass head...did him a favor, because no one wanted to see…"

"I did," she whispered, smiling slightly at the thought of Elliot putting so much time and effort into asking her out, and now, Maureen's words made much more sense. He'd already told the kids what he wanted. "What else did he tell you, Nate? If this is my life, now, too, I think I deserve to remember some of it the way he does."

Nathan's left eyebrow rose mockingly, he sipped his beer, turned slowly, and walked away from her, whistling the theme from 'The Love Boat' as Elliot pushed by him to get to Olivia.

"Maur has the first load in the wash, I told her to help Katie get the twins into…" he paused, looking at her. "What did he say to you? Did he tell you about…"

"Why is he still here?" she asked, the stoic look on her face more inquisitive than reverent. She remembered him telling her all about Nate's issues, his fourth job loss in as many months, and complaining about having him in the house because it had caused even more fights with Kathy. "You said he needed a place to crash until he got back on his feet, it's obviously been longer than you planned…"

"It's been easier, hasn't it?" he asked, cutting into her words. "Not having to find a sitter in the middle of the night, not having to trust the alarm, or leave the kids alone when…"

"Yeah, it has, but…" she started, but she stopped short of asking why his brother had been there if Kathy was going to be, the consequences dire. She shook her head, not knowing how she was supposed to put the pieces of her own confused memories together, now, to protect his. "Just...talk to him about respecting us a bit, huh? You're doing him a favor and he…"

"He is my little brother," Elliot laughed, looping his arms around her waist. "He's supposed to be a pain in my ass, and for the last eleven years, that has, unfortunately, been a pain I share with you."

She rolled her eyes, but she smiled, and she let him lead her around the table, through the living room, to the staircase. "What were you saying about Maureen and Katie?"

He kissed her neck, nibbling on her skin as he pushed her and goaded her up the steps. "They're getting the twins ready for bed, we have to go in and tuck them in, but the baths, the PJ's, and storytime...all taken care of, because I wanted…" he paused, held her in his arms, and pushed their bedroom door open. "To do this," he finished, swinging the door inward and watching her reaction.

With wide eyes and a dropped jaw, she stepped into the room and looked around, the scattered rose petals and lit candles filling it with a red glow. "What...how did…"

"He's a pain in the ass, but he's good for something," he quipped, closing and locking the door behind him. "Are you forgetting what today is?"

She shook her head, still amazed, and she took a deep breath, the vanilla scent filling her lungs. "It's Thursday," she said, "The twenty…" she blinked, turned, and smiled at him, "The day we…" she was going to say _met._ It was the day she started at the unit, the day she became his partner, met him in Cragen's office. But in his mind, they'd met, fallen in love, gotten married, and had four kids before she got the job. She could feel her heart pound in her chest, drumming against her ribs.

"Happy Anniversary," he said, and then he pursed his lips and wagged his head from side to side. "Kind of," he chuckled. He crooked his finger and she obliged, moving toward him. He tangled his fingers in her hair, combed through it over and over, as he looked into her eyes. "I love you," he whispered. "That day...changed everything for us, didn't it? I got to be your partner, your protector, at work, too. We got closer, so much fucking closer...the trust and love it...it grew...and it deepened...because we…"

"Don't," she whispered, pressing a finger to his lips. She shook her head and smoothed the pad of her fingertip along his lips, and she gasped softly when his hands began to play with the buttons of her shirt. She closed her eyes, feeling his fingers brush her skin as they worked away the fabric, her head fell back, allowing him to latch his mouth onto her neck.

He moaned right after she did, his desire burning the more he heard the pleasure course through her, and he promised himself no one would ever touch her, no one would ever love her the way he did, only him. "I love you," he whispered, a bit of her flesh in his mouth.

"God," she wheezed, wiggling her hips to help him smooth her pants down. "I love you, too," she replied, and she let her mouth fall open again when she felt his hand slip between her legs, two fingers slipping through her rapidly wettening folds. "Elliot, Jesus," she moaned, her hands gripping his back.

He chuckled knowingly, groaning as he attacked her pulse. He knew she was peeling his clothes away, too, and he moved to help her but refused to move his hand. His shirt would have to stay on until he got what he wanted, until he coaxed what he hoped would be the first of many orgasms from her.

Fate, it seemed, had other plans, and just as he had her riding his hand and moaning into his ear, his phone rang.

"Gonna have to fucking wait," he declared, shoving two fingers into her and working them into fast, waving motion. "Come on,baby," he begged. "Cum, for me, right now."

She let out a soft growl, her hands gripped, under his open shirt, and her nails dug into his bare back. "Oh, my God, Elliot," she panted, feeling her body begin to burn and quake. The shrill ringing of his phone became an opponent in a race, the finish line right ahead. "Oh, fuck, baby," she groaned, rising up on her tiptoes, her back arching slightly, and her body giving into her lover.

He gasped and moaned, then, too, feeling her tighten and pulse, her juices coating his fingers, small droplets running down his wrist. He moved slower, letting her calm slightly, but not stopping, as he kissed her slowly and dug in his loose-pants pocket for his phone. "Stabler," he answered the call, only one ring before voicemail kicked on, and he sighed sadly, licking the seam of Olivia's lips and slapping her ass. "We, uh, we'll be right there. No, I already told you, I don't want to...just drop it, okay? It's fine. You got the answers you needed, and the trail's cold, so just...drop it." He hung up and looked at the naked, panting woman slung over his shoulder.

"I can't move," she mumbled. "I can't feel my legs."

"Was hoping you'd be telling me that a few times tonight," he joked. "That was Cragen. We have to go, we got…"

"You yelled at him," she interrupted. "Why?"

He pushed her up a bit, helping her steady herself, kissed her again, and began to pick up her clothes for her. "He doesn't know why I didn't fight harder to hold Cassidy," he sighed. He pulled her bra straps up and clasped it for her, letting his fingers graze her skin as they had done when he undressed her. "We don't have anything to go on, he said it was part of a sting op, that he never even meant to hit me. Account the money came from is closed, he has no idea who really…"

"He could have killed you," she snapped, her eyes narrow. "I know, we talked about this, but how could you just…"

Elliot kissed her hard to shut her up, running his hands down her legs and pulling her pants up. He let her go and licked his lips. "Tucker investigated, there's nothing that confirms or denies his story, so for now we just...let him think he got away with it."

She folded her arms and stared at him. "If someone ran me over with a car…"

"I'd kill him," Elliot said, nodding, "I know that's what you want to do, but baby, wait. I have plans for that bastard, and he will get what's coming to him." He kissed her again as he buttoned her shirt for her. "But, for now, I want to watch him stew in anticipation, watching us, knowing he will never have you the way he wants, having to hear you tell everyone you're having my baby…"

"I'm not," she said, stopping him, rolling her eyes. She dropped her gaze and fixed his shirt and pants, then, taking a breath and wondering if, maybe, she was.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of characters plotlines, and settings is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"This is not…" Olivia let out a shaky breath, her closed eyes twitching and burning behind her lids. "This is not how this should have happened," she whispered to no one, a tear leaking out from her right eye. She squeezed them shut harder as she sniffled, her hands curls around the bathroom sink. She tried to breathe evenly, but her body had other plans. "This wasn't supposed to happen," she sobbed, and she swiveled her body just in time to plop down on the lidded toilet seat; her knees had buckled and she would've fallen to the floor.

The last month replayed itself like a montage in her mind. Moments of her and Elliot in bed, things he said to her, things he made her feel, the way he touched her, loved her. Moments in Cragen's office where he'd yelled at her for letting this go on too long, telling her she needed to tell him the truth because the cost of lying to him would be far too great now. She recalled their heavy workload, cases that put strain on them as usual but how much easier it was to overcome the horrors with each other, how much more open they were, how much more comfort they were able to give each other.

Scenes of Sunday breakfasts and family movie nights forced a smile, she could hear the kids all calling her "mom" with no hint of pretense or sarcasm, Nathan pitching in around the house and acting less like a jerk and more like a brother-in-law, even applying for jobs so he could help with the bills. She shook her head, not sure how or why this was playing out the way it was, why his memory still hadn't come back even though countless tests and check-ups had proved there was no sign of injury or bruising, not anymore.

With a deep breath, she shook away the memories, the overheard phone calls that didn't make sense, the evens from the past that Elliot spoke about that never actually happened, and she pulled herself back into the moment, into the present, into the world of trouble she lived in now.

Her hands caught her head as it lolled forward, tears coming in heavy streams as harsh cries seemed ripped from her throat. She shook her head and wondered what would happen in a week, in a month, in three months, in nine. What would happen when he remembered everything? Now, it wasn't just her that would be tossed aside, discarded, discounted. She turned her red and still-teeming eyes toward the clear plastic cup on the soapdish, the long thermometer-like device staring back at her, a ridiculously dark and clear, blue plus sign on its face.

She'd dreamt of this moment for so long, wrote about it in journals and letters to Elliot she'd never sent, and now, here it was, her dream come true, wrapped in a nightmare so terrifying it gave her a rash and a migraine. "What have I done?" she asked herself silently, and she drew her hands down to cover her stomach, swearing it felt rounder and swollen already. "I'm...I'm so sorry," she spoke to the tiny being beneath, already regretting letting it down.

A soft knock on the door made her head pop up and her hands move away, stunned into silence and stillness, she blinked, letting the last of her tears fall. The knock grew a bit louder, and she wiped her eyes with her hands, then swiped her hands down the front of her NYPD t-shirt. She cleared her throat and rose off of the toilet seat, her hand and arms shaking terribly as she debated throwing the test into the trash. She couldn't, and, sighing, she reached to unlock the door.

As soon as it clicked, it swung open, and a panic-stricken Elliot stared back at her from the archway. "Baby," he said, "Is everything okay? You've been in here for…"

She shook her head, tears springing back to life, and she hurled herself into his arms, mumbling "I'm sorry," over and over again, as if it was the only thing she knew how to say.

He pushed her away softly, gently, and bent his knees enough to look into her strained eyes. "What on earth are you sorry for? What happened?" He went white, a look of pure fear in his eyes. "You...oh, God, you...you're leaving me, aren't you?"

"No!" she sobbed, her head shaking wildly. "God, no, no! I just...well, you're...you're leaving me." Her voice wavered as her body quivered, and her head dropped again. "Eventually." She tried to swallow her cries, closed her eyes to stop her tears once more, and she took a very slow, very deep breath.

"I am never," he said firmly, "Ever...leaving you. You are my entire world, Liv," he sounded desperate now. Desperate to say it, to make her believe it, to understand that it wasn't hyperbole or metaphor, but honest truth. He kissed her forehead, the pads of his thumbs moving without prodding to sweep under her eyes and down the tracks of her tears along her cheeks. "I am never...how could you even think…you were crying in the bathroom for an hour because you think I'm leaving you? Honey, whatever I did to make you think..."

"Elliot," she breathed, stopping him, her breath undulating as she sank into resignation and the acceptance of whatever consequence came her way after she told him, because she had to tell him. She'd already kept too much from him. As though she was indicating a dead body at one of their crime scenes, she turned her head away from him and curled all but one finger, pointing directly at the cup and stick on the sink.

He turned to see what she was pointing at, his hands still on her. And as the weight of what it was settled over him, his grip on her tightened, his body tensed up.

She readied herself for the explosion, the anger that would spew forth, knowing this moment would indeed trigger some metaphysical reaction that would force his brain to rewire itself and hand him back the truth of his life on a silver platter, along with the refusal to have anything to do with this baby.

What she was ready for and what she got couldn't have been more vastly different.

Her eyes opened wide in shocked reaction to his loud, whooping holler, and the room blurred before her eyes as he lifted her and spun her around so fast it felt like a carnival ride. She sniffled again, but stared at his face as he set her down, and she had never, in the years she'd known him, seen that particular expression. She tilted her head, confused, as tears freely rolled down his cheeks and got caught in the dimples of the purest smile she'd ever seen on his face.

"Baby," he said though his happy cry. "We're having a baby." He pulled her into his arms, wrapped himself around her tightly, and ran his fingers through her hair as he laughed such a perfect laugh. "My baby is having my baby," he whispered, and he rocked her in his arms as he struggled to keep his own balance. He pulled back to look at her, and blinked only once before crashing into her again, this time his lips finding their home on hers.

His tongue swept over the slight seam of her mouth, taking entrance when she gasped and moaned. His hands roamed her body, down her back, up her thighs, around her waist, linking together at the nape of her neck as he goaded her into the bathroom wall for stability, not trusting himself to keep them standing in his current state.

"El," she breathed into his mouth. "Hon...honey," she attempted, still feeling somehow wrong in calling him by pet names. She pressed her hands into his chest, urging him to back away. Her pained eyes looked up into his, and once she saw the unadulterated love and bright sparkle in the blue eyes gazing back at her, she finally let herself smile. "You're...you're not…"

"God, baby, this is what I fucking wanted," he told her. "What we wanted. I thought it would take a while, a month or two, but...we...I mean, yeah we're working for some kind of world record lately, but...when...I mean, how late are you, when do you think…"

"The, uh, our...first time," she interrupted, and catching herself, she licked her lips. "The first time...since the accident."

He blinked, his smile somehow grew, not only brighter, but more victorious. "So, you...that's, um, six...six weeks?"

She nodded, biting her lip, a thousand questions flooding her mind, a million memories hitting her at once, and so many questions asking themselves, though she wasn't sure she wanted the answers.

His lips curled, the grin growing smug now, and he bent his head again. Before he kissed her, he whispered, "Bullseye." He winked at her and pressed his lips to hers again.

She sank into him, giving into the emotions, his happiness finally pulling hers to the surface, and she laughed into his partly opened mouth.

They kissed, pressed against the wall, for a long while, taking it all in, until Elliot pulled back to breathe. "Honey," he panted, "This is what we wanted, we talked about this, why would you think I...how could you possibly think, after everything we went through to get where we are, that I would ever leave you and our kids?"

Scraping her teeth across her lip, she shrugged. "Hormones," she lied, knowing it was a plausible excuse, one that he'd accept.

"My beautiful girl," he chuckled, "I worked too fucking hard to make sure we have this life, the life we deserve, we both...we have both sacrificed and fought and through it all, held onto each other. I'm never letting you go," he told her, and he kissed her again.

She returned his kiss with eagerness and the heat and love filled the room, almost stifling them now. "Before we…" she gnawed on her lip a bit, her eyes glinting. She chuckled when he wagged his brows and nodded, eager to celebrate. "Before we tell the kids, which...God, I don't know what they're going to say," she rolled her eyes and exhaled. "We need to decide...what we're telling Cragen."

Elliot looked at her, confused. "We...shit, I…" he looked into her eyes, for once a grave and serious expression on his face. "I think we...we've proven we can do the job, right? I mean, the last five years, we haven't so much as kissed at work." He smirked. "Well, that anyone knows about." He chuckled and took a breath. "Well, Tucker knows, we should...we should tell Cragen. Everything." He didn't see her face fall into a pained grimace because he had slid down her body to nuzzle her stomach. "Hi, little one," he cooed, his palms slipping under Olivia's shirt to cup her body. "Daddy loves you, so much."

She stared down at him, amazed, touched beyond words, and now, deliriously happy. She brushed her fingers through his hair and smiled when he looked up at her, both of them crying new, slowly trickling tears. "Okay," she nodded. "Tomorrow, we…" she gulped, but the look on his face quieted the fear and gave her assurance. "We'll tell Cragen."

He pushed himself up and dragged his palms up her sides to cup her face. "He's going to feel so stupid, all those times he threatened to fire us if we got too close, when he had us in his office threatening reprimands for fraternization." He laughed and kissed her sweetly. "When he finds out we were married when he hired you, his entire perception of how we work is going to change." He kissed her again and then opened the door, pulling her out of the bathroom.

She heard him yell for the kids, but she was still stuck on what he'd said about Cragen. It was true. His perception of how they do their jobs was definitely going to change. It's exactly what she was afraid of.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of characters plotlines, and settings is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

Cragen looked up from his mountain of paperwork when he heard the soft knock on his door. "Yeah?" he called out, expecting the mail boy. But when the door swung open, the plastic blinds clicking against the glass pane, his two most effective detectives stepped into his office. "What happened?" He shot to his feet and ran over to loop an arm around Olivia. "What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," Olivia spat, swatting his cold hands away. She didn't realize her nausea and nerves were so obvious, or that she wore such a sick expression as she walked into the room. "Really. I'm okay." She sat down fast, taking one of the leather chairs near the wall.

Elliot eyed Cragen warily. "We just...there's something we need to…"

"You got your memory back," Cragen said, a small grin attempting to pull at his lips. He straightened up and began to speak fast, his hands gesturing excitedly. "Thank God, so look, nothing that happened with the two of you will…"

Elliot, a pointed expression on his face, held up one hand and shoved the other in his pocket. "Sorry, What? My memory? Fucking hell, can we just drop that fucking accident? I wasn't hurt! My memory was and is fucking fine!" He flipped his hand and then ran it down his face. "Shit, man, we came in here to tell you…" his tense and offended frown turned slowly into a bright, warm grin, and he dropped into the chair next to Olivia.

She held her breath as he reached for her hand, and when he grabbed hold, she squeezed back. Her face turned up and her eyes landed on his, the sheer joy and absolute emotion in them made her heart thump, and she gave him a quick nod.

Elliot looked back at Cragen. "She, uh...she needs to take it easy for a while." He grinned and rested his other hand over his heart. "Say, the next eight months."

Cragen's features seemed to age immediately, and he sank low, sitting on the corner of his desk. He knew the look, he knew what it meant, and all he could do was close his eyes and say, "Oh, no," as he sighed. He threw his focus toward Olivia. "You let this happen. You took this too damned far, and now you're in trouble. Was it worth it?"

Fiercely, Elliot dropped Olivia's hand and shot to his feet. "Trouble? Oh, Captain, you...you don't get it. She wasn't breaking a rule, okay? We were not violating your sacred SVU code." He looked back at Olivia, and he couldn't tell what the tears in her eyes meant, only that he needed to tell Cragen now, before the man could insult her again. "Cap," he breathed, looking back at the older officer, "You didn't know this when you hired her...because you….you wouldn't have hired her. We…" he licked his lips. "We've been married since our senior year of high school. We have kids, Cap. Four of them. Well, five, if you…" he laughed happily as he thrust a hand in Olivia's direction.

Cragen's left eyebrow arched painfully high as he screwed his head and shot Olivia an annoyed, aporetic look. "You're fucking kidding me, Olivia." He sounded like a disappointed father.

"Hey," Elliot barked. "Don't pin this all on her. We thought long and hard about telling you when you called her about this job. She said there was a reason you may not want her here, and she warned you that things would be personal, for a couple of reasons."

Cragen blinked. He remembered the conversation, but he also knew, now, that it had been related to Olivia's mother, her rape, and Olivia's tragic childhood as a result. "You honestly…"

"We wouldn't even be coming to you, at all, if we didn't need to tell you about the baby," Elliot explained, and he backed up and sat back down, taking both of Olivia's hands in his. He looked into her eyes again, his face bright now that his mind was back on her and their child. "There was no way I could pretend the baby wasn't mine, no way in hell I would let anyone think…" he cleared his throat. "What they would think." He chuckled and shrugged as he looked up at Cragen. "We hid it well, huh? Didn't get in the way, not a single…" he hummed. "Okay, the one time with Plummer, but I didn't see you making any moves to give her what she needed so I pulled the protective husband card and…"

"I can't listen to this," Cragen interrupted. He blew a hard breath out through his mouth as he stood up and moved around to the back of his desk. He opened a drawer, picked up a thick file, and handed it to Elliot. "Before you make any more mistakes, and before you let yourselves get deeper into a pile of shit you can't get out of, you need to read that."

Olivia went white as she watched in horror as Elliot flipped open the file. "El, don't…"

"Why did you give me my jacket?" He clicked his tongue and flipped a few pages. "I think I know everything that's in here. Why am I…"

"First page, Stabler!" Cragen yelled. "Read the first fucking page! Spouse's name, insurance beneficiary, emergency contact!"

Elliot turned back to the front of his file, and his face spiraled into a watercolor painting of confusion and uncertainty. "Why...why did…"

"Elliot," Olivia whispered, her shoulders slumped as one hand curled around her belly and the other reached for his shoulder, stopping just shy of touching it. "I can...I can explain. Or I can...I can try to…"

"Why didn't you fire one of us, if you knew the whole time?" Elliot asked, handing the folder back to Cragen. He relaxed back into his seat, pulling Olivia closer to him, and laying one of his hands over the one of hers on her stomach.

Cragen and Olivia shared a perplexed look, and Olivia exhaled as Cragen flipped to the front page of Elliot's file.

Cragen was stunned, seeing Olivia's name in every place that Kathy's should have been. This was supposed to be a way to stop what he considered utter nonsense. "Son-of-a-bitch, how the hell did…" he looked up sharply and then back down. He flipped pages, frantically looking for the original form, wondering how the hell it had been switched out, and why.

"And you," Elliot looked at Olivia, two fingers of his free hand under her chin, "Don't need to explain anything to me. Especially not why you didn't want him to know, but baby, he really can't do anything to us. It's not his call. Besides, we're his best team, he can't…"

"What do you mean it's not my call?" Cragen threw Elliot's file down and growled a bit, his initial plan had backfired.

Elliot stiffened a bit and looked at Cragen. "If Internal Affairs doesn't have an issue, and the commissioner doesn't have a…"

"Commissioner," Cragen coughed, his eyes now wide. "You...you told all of this...this fairy tale to the fucking commissioner?"

"We just assumed Tucker would've sent the necessary information to him. That's what IAB does." Elliot sighed. "Look, we're tired of…"

"Is this some sick joke, Stabler?" Cragen laughed bitterly as he moved toward his detectives. "You two thought you'd end your little charade by giving me a heart attack? What, you had one of your pals in HR reprint your file, the night shift sneak into my office and swap out…"

"Captain!" Olivia yelled. "No! Not…" she bit her lip and tried to give him as meaningful a look as possible. "Nothing about this is a joke. I'm pregnant." Her lips curled when she said it out loud, the truth in the emotion clear. "We told you, so...can we get back to work?"

"I'm not letting…" Cragen stopped short and whipped around to look at Elliot. "Level with me, huh? Have you even bothered to talk to Kathy since this bullshit started? What the hell did you tell your kids?"

Elliot stared at him blankly for a long moment, and then stood up and shook his head with squinting eyes. "Who the hell is Kathy?" He reached back blindly and grabbed Olivia's hand. "We told the kids this morning, they're excited as hell, Cap. You should've seen Dickie. He did a little dance and sang this cute little song about being a big brother." He laughed and brought Olivia's hand to his mouth, kissing it softly. "We're happy about this, and we...we really need you to be, for us."

Cragen gnawed on his lip as his racing heart tried to communicate with his worried mind. He looked at Olivia, and behind the fear, and the flashes of anger directed at him for what he'd tried to make Elliot realize, he saw how happy she was. Another sigh escaped him and he shook his head. "I need to wrap my head around this, okay? For now...you two...paperwork's waiting."

He watched Elliot kiss Olivia again, watched as the two detectives dropped their hands and left the office. He dragged a shaking hand down his face and shook off the fumes as he sat down at his desk and picked up the phone, hoping the person he was calling could give him answers, and a way to clean up the mess he had a hand in making.

Before he finished dialing, though, he heard a crash and a scream coming from the squad room. He dropped the phone, leaving it hanging and beeping, as he bolted out of his office. His heart stopped as he took in the sight, Olivia on the floor cradling an unconscious Elliot as Munch spoke to emergency response on his phone.

"What happened?" Cragen asked breathlessly.

Olivia slapped Elliot's cheeks lightly and quickly and smiled when his eyes fluttered, but grimaced again when she looked over at someone sitting in Elliot's chair. "Ask her!"

Cragen turned his head and then closed his eyes in gross realization. "Kathy," he sighed, opening his eyes. "What the hell did you say to him?"

"Nothing," the scared blonde said fast, standing now, watching helplessly as Olivia tried to get Elliot to sit up. "I just...he saw me, he looked right at me, I waved and down he went."

Elliot moaned, unaware that several people were staring at him, and he grabbed Olivia's hands, pulling them off of her face with a grunt.

She froze. She panicked and thought the worst. He remembered and he wasn't the man he had been for the past two months, she'd be raising this baby alone after all. Holding her breath, she watched him. "El, I…"

"Baby," he moaned, trying to lift his head. He got to his knees and pulled Olivia up to hers. "Shouldn't have been on the floor with the baby." His voice was low, his words mumbled.

Tears slid down her cheeks from her open eyes and she let out a relieved laugh. "You're okay? I mean...are you...are we…"

He answered her by kissing her hard, running his hands down to her stomach. "I don't know what…" he shook his head fast, his lips trilling. "I just lost my...balance, and…" his eyes grew wide. "Shit! Did I pull you down with me? Did I hurt the baby?"

"Baby?" Kathy gasped audibly when the word left her mouth as she stared at Elliot, wrapped in Olivia's arms on the floor of the squad room. "What baby?"

"No," Olivia told him, ignoring Kathy. "No you...you fell and hit your head on the desk and…" She looked at him, her hand resting on the back of his head where he'd knocked into the metal. "Are you hurt? You can't take another head injury. The doctor said you...you needed to be careful."

"Liv," he whispered to her, cupping her face and wiping her tears with his thumbs. "I...I'm fine, I'm just…" he wobbled and lost balance again, tightened his grip on Olivia, and shook his head fast again. "Dizzy."

Without taking her eyes or hands off of Elliot, Olivia shouted, "What's the twenty on that bus, John?"

"They're here," Munch said, moving to help her get Elliot off the floor. "On their way up."

Watching the scene before her, Kathy grew confused, upset, and scared. She couldn't help herself, and just before they got him fully to his feet, she shouted, "Elliot! Look at me! Please!"

Elliot's head turned limply, and his eyes flickered with minor recognition. "Do I...do I know you?"

"Yes! God, yes!" Kathy cried, adding a short laugh. "Yes."

Losing balance yet again, Elliot gripped Olivia and Munch a bit tighter. "Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah! Hey, Jefe?"

Cragen felt his heart race. This is not how he wanted Elliot to remember. Not at all. "What, kid?"

"Take her statement," Elliot said, stabilizing himself while the EMTs rushed into the room. "She's the one who saw the car...the one that hit me." He plopped into the stretcher the medics laid out for him, and he brought Olivia's hand to his lips, as he'd done so many times that morning already. "Maybe she remembers something new we can use." His eyes rolled and his head dropped back to the flatbed. "Ow."

Olivia squeezed and patted his hand and then shot apologetic looks toward Kathy and Cragen, nodded her thanks at Munch, and walked alongside Elliot's stretcher as they wheeled him out of the squad room.

 _ **Peace and Love.**_

 _ **Jo**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of characters plotlines, and settings is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"Liv!" Munch yelled, running toward her with Cassidy close behind him. "Liv, is he okay?"

Olivia gave Munch a hug and shot Cassidy a wary glance before nodding. "He's okay, they said it was his nervous system reacting to a huge shock, which was, I guessed seeing Kathy. The doctor said that's going to happen until…" she closed her eyes. "Until he remembers."

Cassidy pushed Munch aside and looked at Olivia's face. "Look, Olivia," he breathed, and then he lowered his voice to just above a whisper. "I need to tell you...before you hear it from Tucker," he coughed, looked at her a bit longer, and said, "I'm sorry. I made sure I was far enough away, I hit the mailbox, I thought he was...and he dropped, I didn't…"

"You hit him with a car!" Olivia snapped at him, shaking her head. "You can't just apologize for…"

"Listen to me," Cassidy interrupted, "What I'm trying to tell you is…"

"Detective Benson?" The doctor got her attention and smiled. "He's asking for you."

She nodded and shot a hateful glare toward Cassidy as she followed the doctor through the wooden doors, leading to the recover rooms. She was ushered into Elliot's room, an uncomfortably familiar sight coming into view. If she had a dollar for every time she'd seen Elliot in a hospital bed, she could retire early.

"Hey, you," Elliot spoke, his voice almost seductive. He held out a hand and beckoned her to come to him.

She smiled slightly and slipped her hand into his, and then gave into the feelings swirling inside and bent her head to kiss him. "Stop scaring me, it's not funny," she chided.

Elliot chuckled and shrugged, and then looked up at her. "Sorry." He brushed the back of his hand across her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Nauseated as hell," she told him, "But I don't know if it's nerves, the baby, or both." She kissed him again and tried to hide her agitation as she said, "Cassidy's here. He, uh, told me he thought he only hit the mailbox, that he…"

"I don't care what he said," he spat, letting his head fall to the pillow. "Sign me out of here and let's get…"

"El," Olivia stopped him, her eyes narrow and focused on his forearm. Her hand gripped his hand tighter and she pulled gently, bringing his arm closer to her. "What...What is this…" her voice trailed off as her finger traced the black ink of a word, etched forever into his skin.

Confused, Elliot tilted his head. "My tattoo," he said plainly, raising one eyebrow. "You've seen it a million times." He watched her carefully as she seemed to study the globe, wing, and anchor, her lips in a flat line. "What are you...what are you doing?"

She looked up at him. "My name," she whispered. "You've got my name...on the ribbon around the…"

He nodded slowly, "Yes, honey, you've seen that thing every day and night since..."

"How," she breathed, sitting up straight, wondering for the first time if maybe she was the one with the brain injury. "Elliot, how? You got that...so long ago… and I wasn't even…"

"Liv," his voice sounded suddenly dry. "Are you okay? You…Cragen...the guys at work, why does everyone keep forgetting shit? Or telling me I have..."

Olivia silenced him with a kiss, and then sighed heavily with a sunken head and closed eyes. "There's something you need to know, and I don't know how to tell you, or what's going to happen when I tell you."

"If you're going to tell me anything that's going to break my heart…" he moved one hand to her belly and the other squeezed her imploringly. "Keep it to yourself."

"No," she assured him, sighing, "This baby is a thousand percent yours, so...so am I, but...the thing is..." she paused. This was it. The moment of truth. It had to be. "Baby, the way you remember your life…"

"Knock knock!" Nate pushed open the door to his brother's room, holding it for the kids. "They got a little impatient," he shrugged.

Elliot laughed as his kids crowded around and tried to hug him over the bedrails and wires. "Guys, guys," he chortled, "Easy!"

"What did the doctor say?" Kathleen asked.

Maureen questioned, "Are they just making you wear a helmet from now on?"

"Is Mom leaving now?" The panicked question from a tiny blonde drew hard silence from the room. Quiet, all, but for the beeping of Elliot's heart monitor, which was now very rapid.

"Lizzie," Elliot began, "Honey, why would you ask…"

"Because the man outside told us you know...everything…" Lizzie looked up at her father, and then at Olivia, and tried so hard not to cry as she said, "He told us that you hit your head again, and that you...you didn't want...Mom...anymore."

Elliot's heart rate sped up even more, the beeping frantic, and with a grunt, he ripped the sensors off of his chest and pulled his finger out of the grip. "Okay, for the record, I will always want her, your mother is not going anywhere, ever! What man outside?"

"Your boss," Dickie said. "Captain Cragen. We told her not to listen to him, but...he really scared her, Dad."

Elliot licked his lips and looked up at his brother. "What the hell did I do to piss him off," he mumbled. "Can you take them back outside for a minute?"

"Yeah, we, uh, we will go get some chips or something from the vending machines," Nathan said with a nod, and he goaded the kids back out the way they came.

Slowly, Elliot's head turned toward Olivia, who had fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. "Don't cry," he begged, pulling her into him. "Please, baby, don't…" he ran a hand over the back of her head and kissed its crown. He waited until she stopped shaking against him and then spoke. "Do you remember...the night after we locked up Richard White?"

She sniffled and nodded, her head rubbing against the thin cotton of his hospital gown. "I know...I know I was possessive and overprotective, the whole time. The night we got him, after what he said to you...I was still on edge, and I know I got a little stifling when we got home," he chuckled.

She sniffled once again but looked up at him. "No, you…" she smiled, recalling the night. He'd taken her home, refused to leave her alone, stayed in her room, in her bed, one hand aiming his gun at the door, holding her until she fell asleep. She'd chalked it up to him being his usual stubborn self, but now she knew it had meant so much more. "You were wonderful."

He grinned at her. "When I was sure you were asleep," he ran his fingers through her hair, "I went downtown, to this little shop next to an all night taco place. I walked in, sat in the chair, and told the guy, 'I know names are a tattoo no-no, but my girl is I for me, for life,' and I got your name inked onto the anchor. Semper Fi. Forever. Honestly, honey, I thought you knew."

She shook her head, unable to believe that he'd done something so crazy, when they weren't even together. The damage it could've done to his marriage, to his family, to their jobs, was inconceivable. But then she thought, if she hadn't ever noticed, then neither had Kathy, which is why it was never a major problem, and why she never knew until now. She leaned in and kissed him slowly. Pulling away, she nuzzled his nose a bit, and then said, "Cragen probably thinks I'm leaving because he thinks we're in here fighting about Kathy being..."

"I swear," he interrupted, taking a breath before speaking fast, "I have no idea who that woman is, other than a witness to the accident. I'm not cheating on you, I never have and never will, so if that's what Cragen thinks, if he assumes that's why she was at the station, or why I…"

"Shh," she said, pressing a finger to his lips. "I know, so...whatever Cragen thinks isn't our problem." She dragged her finger down to his chin and kissed him slowly. "But I'm going to kill him for scaring the kids."

"Not before I do," he told her with a laugh. "What, um, you said Cassidy was telling you something?"

"And you said you didn't care," she quipped.

Elliot took a deep breath. "He probably wanted to tell you...they, uh, they found out where the money came from, the payoff for him running me over."

She instantly tensed, her nostrils flared, and she snapped a hard and fast, "Where?"

Elliot cupped her face, kissed her softly three times, and said, "The New York City Police Department." He blinked and held her still, knowing she was filling with rage. "Tucker is trying to match the account number to the department's records. It's closed, but there still has to be a history of it somewhere. He's looking, no matter how many times I beg him to let it go."

She softened a bit at the tone in his voice, and she brushed her cheek against his right hand. "Why do you do that?" she asked. "El, someone tried to take you out, I think you'd want to know who…"

"Because whoever it is, baby, wherever this investigation leads…" he shrugged, "We don't need this, I don't want us wrapped up in a trial or have to tell the kids someone we trusted tried to kill me. We finally got to the perfect place with Nate and my mom, the kids haven't fought Or given us any problems, we're having another baby, we are fucking awesome! I don't want anything to fuck that up. Thank God Cassidy wasn't really trying to hurt me, he missed…"

"On purpose, I know," she said, nodding. "It was someone we work with? Someone we know?"

He bit his lip and nodded. "That's what Tucker said," he told her. "Get the doctor, please? I really just...want to go home." He kissed her and watched her get out of her chair and leave the room, closing his eyes as she shut the door behind her.

Olivia found Elliot's doctor in the hallway, smiled as she pulled him aside, and said, "If he's clear, well, he's asking to go home."

The doctor nodded with a smile of his own. "Of course, I will get his…"

"Just...one question," she interrupted, worry washing over her. "The memory loss he suffered...from his accident...he still has no recollection of his wife, uh, ex-wife, now, I guess, or history of…"

"Detective Benson," the doctor spoke, holding up both hands, "I warned you that it could take a rather long time to get his memory back. Seeing Kathy for even a short moment caused enough of a shock to knock him for a loop, so there is still cause for concern. Physically, he is absolutely fine. There is no bruising, no bleeding or swelling, and as far as we can tell, no nerve damage. If he did, in fact, suffer any cranial injury that night, it has, in a medical manner of speaking, healed. I think it's time that you consider the fact that the memory loss resulting from that fierce blow to the head may be permanent."

A harsh gasp and muffled cuss came from their left and they both turned to see Captain Cragen staring at them, looking simultaneously relieved and infuriated. The doctor noticed the tension building between Olivia and Cragen and said, "I will be right back with the discharge forms," as he slipped away.

Olivia crossed her arms and tilted her head. "Did you have to tell the kids that I was leaving them? You scared Lizzie out of her…"

"You mean, you're not?" Cragen asked, stunned. He ran a hand over his head and exhaled slowly. "Liv, just tell me...how his file got changed, how you let yourself get into this...mess."

"I can't explain how my name got edited into his jacket," she huffed, "But for the record, the only place my name is now that it wasn't before is next to…"

"I know," Cragen moaned, rolling his eyes. "When I find out who went into that office and…"

"Captain," she said, stopping him, "You know, we have to update those things every three months, maybe he filled out a new form when he told me he wanted a baby, figuring they'd give us both more coverage for a planned pregnancy."

Cragen's eyes widened, his jaw slacked slightly, and he sputtered as he said, "He...he actually wanted…"

"He was pretty fucking insistent, yes," Olivia said, "And I'm too in love with him to deny him anything! Besides, he thought I was his wife! What was I supposed to do? Tell him I had a headache? Mysteriously have cramps every night for two months?" She rubbed her hands down her face. "I didn't go into this thinking, 'Gee, I can't wait to sleep with him,' okay? I didn't take this whole thing as an opportunity to get the man that got away! I was told that if I denied anything, he could have a stroke or something, so I didn't argue! Christ, on top of that, he once told me he hasn't even slept with Kathy much in the last five years, so I was pretty sure he wasn't going to expect…"

"Calm down," Cragen intruded, seeing that she was getting increasingly frustrated and upset. The speed and volume at which she spoke were escalating and he, though he hated to admit it, didn't want Elliot to hear her. "I'm sorry. I'm...I didn't know how serious this was." He looked from her to the door to Elliot's room and back again. "He's okay?"

"Aside from him having the memories of our perfect life that I don't," she said bitingly as she nodded. "He's fine."

Cragen swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "Thank God." He looked at her, then, and smiled. "So there's really a baby in there, huh?" He playfully poked at her stomach.

She couldn't fight the smile that begged at her lips and she let herself laugh, dropping her guard. "Yeah, there is," she said, and for the first time in a long while, she gave her captain a genuine smile and laughed. "I'm having a baby."

Cragen closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Olivia and sighed in resignation and relief. "That's one lucky kid," he said, "It's got parents that would do anything for it, and for each other." He pushed her away gently and looked into her eyes. "I know I've been taking this whole thing badly. I worry about you, both of you, and I don't feel right that you're building a life with him based on a lie, that if he ever remembers…"

"I'm scared, too," she admitted, "But it's been this long, and even seeing her didn't jostle anything except his balance." She licked her lips. "Kathy, uh, she decided that she's going to spend time with the kids after school, and while we're at work, and if he never remembers, he...he never has to know. That's what Kathy came to the station to tell me. She wasn't even there to see him, she was there to see me. She knows that we...we're...happy."

Cragen hummed. "Easiest divorce ever," he chuckled. "Nothing to fight over or take to court if you can't even remember the woman you're divorcing." He eyed Olivia. "Munch should've been so lucky."

Olivia laughed but then stopped, she stilled, and a chill ran down her spine. She looked at Cragen and knew, once she took Elliot home, she had a very important phone call to make.

 _ **Peace and Love.**_

 _ **Jo**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"Hey," his voice was dry, his eyes wide-open as he stared at her. The bandage over his hand where they'd had his IV was peeling a bit, but he ignored it as he grabbed for her. "Who was that?" He nodded down toward her phone; he'd been watching her talk, watched her have a conversation with someone as she signed his discharge papers, and he saw her hang up.

"Oh," she swallowed once. "No one, um, no one important." She leaned into him, letting her head drop to his chest. She let out a deep sigh, and it seemed as though the weight of the world lifted off of her shoulders. "I love you," she whispered, listening to the rhythm of his heart beat. It grew fast when her words registered, and she looked up at him. "You okay?"

He grinned. "I get a little excited, you know, every time you tell me that." He bent his head, kissed her sweetly, and he brushed her brown hair back as he looked into her eyes, trying to reach her soul, it seemed. "I love you, too, baby." His hands slipped down her body, grazing her curves, bending at her angles, and came to rest just above her navel. Tears filled his eyes as he stared down at his hands, cupping the place he knew the life they'd created together was growing, thriving.

She wound her arms around him, then. "El," she breathed. "What's the…"

"Nothing," he sniffled and shook his head. "I'm happy," he shrugged, and the way his jacket hung off of his shoulders made him chuckle. "I'm really...really fucking happy. I don't know, I...I feel like...happier than I've ever felt, the most fucking incredible feeling I've ever known." He kissed her again and when he pulled away, his tears were dry. He swooped up his coat and gave her a playful nudge. "Let's go home, huh?"

She nodded and walked with him, wrapped in his arms, through the hall and the wooden doors, out into the waiting room. The kids rushed at them, while others simply stared. The hugs and kisses were plentiful, and Olivia managed to slip away from them to catch Cragen's eyes. "False alarm," she spat at him in as harsh a whisper as she could muster. "He didn't fucking fake amnesia to expedite his divorce, but thanks for planting that damn seed of doubt in my head."

Cragen sighed. "I knew you'd check," he whispered back. "I was hoping for a different answer." He rubbed his forehead, his rolled up sleeves loosening as he moved. "I, uh, made a phone call of my own, waiting here." He jutted a chin toward Elliot. "Had his prior HR records pulled, sent to my e-mail," he turned back to her. "Who the fuck do the two of you think you're messing with?"

"Excuse me?" Olivia narrowed her eyes and glared at him, more offended and annoyed than she could remember in recent history.

Cragen scoffed. "You were in the same damn place in his old file!" He pointed a finger at her. "You, your name, on every fucking line that it is now, including spouse, so tell me how the fuck did that happen?"

Olivia's eyes widened, then, small creases forming under her eyes and larger ones in her forehead. "I...Captain, I...I don't…" she licked her suddenly dry lips, her heart racing and her lungs tightening. "Why? How?"

Cragen went white. He rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "Calm down," he whispered. "Please, relax, I thought you…" he shook his head. "Panicking isn't good for the baby."

At those words, she stilled. She took a hard breath and blew it out even harder, and she took another, deeper one. She nodded, telling him she'd calmed, and she turned away and said, "I'm gonna get him home." She didn't look at him at all as she moved, she simply said, "See you at work, Captain Cragen."

Cragen watched her leave with regret, confusion, and a bit of pride in his eyes.

The ride home was filled with the kids yammering at Olivia and Elliot about their day at school, overlapping each other and growing in volume, until Olivia turned around in her seat and held a finger to her lips. "Daddy's head still hurts," she told them.

There was silence after, but a comfortable one. When the SUV pulled into the Stabler driveway, the children wordlessly got out and headed up the stone steps to the door, but Olivia grabbed Elliot's hand over the console before he could even unbuckle his seatbelt. "Look at me," she told him.

He did, with a smile on his face. "Beautiful," he said, stretching his arm out and up, brushing the back of his left hand against her cheek. "So damn beautiful."

She returned his smile and leaned into his hand a bit, nuzzling, blushing. "El, I mean it, just...look at me, for a minute, and tell me if any thoughts or…"

"Oh, I have thoughts," he licked his lips and let out a low, sultry chuckle. He saw the seriousness on her face and cleared his throat. "Um, what is this...what's the matter?"

She eyed him carefully, only blinking once. Silent. "Do you remember….anything, um, strange?"

He narrowed his eyes. "We had a fight," he said, tilting his head down just a bit. "We were undercover...husband and wife, again, duh," he let himself laugh. "It was...late when we got the call. Later than Cragen would usually give an order like that. I told you and you got...mad. Upset. Both?" He squinted a bit more. He moved to finally undo his seatbelt and then twisted in the seat to face her fully. He grabbed both of her hands. "You said you were tired of us having to do that, you know? Pretend to be married. You asked why...you asked why no one else could go." He popped his head up. "But why would you ask me that?"

She turned her lower lip up and shook her head with a small shrug. She never asked, in fact. This was an argument he had, thought. With Kathy.

He scratched the side of his head a bit as he thought. "I remember...telling you that it wasn't an act, ever. That we may have had to tell a few people it was all pretend, but that I loved being able to just be...us...really us."

She gasped softly. He'd told Kathy that, and now, so many things made sense. "We could," she nodded.

He licked his lips again and gave her hands a squeeze. "When we got to the op-house, the garden had all of these, um….fuck, you love the fucking things," he snapped his fingers a few times, fast, trying to find the word. "Dahlias!" he spat, his eyes lighting up. "Yeah! And I picked one, snapped it off the bush, and slipped it into your hair and…"

"Kissed me," she whispered with a smile. "You said...you told me that it didn't matter who was watching, when, or why, because all they'd see is two people who were…"

"Madly in love," he finished for her. He leaned in and kissed her gently, slowly, and when he pulled away he whispered. "You never complained about going under with me again."

She laughed at the memory as she finally pulled her hands away from him and pulled the key out of the ignition. "I figured I needed to get used to it," she shrugged. "Cragen sends us out to play the happy couple every chance he gets." She got out of the car and met him around the front, and she took his offered hand. She let him lead the way, up the steps, into the house, and the moment they made it into the foyer and closed the door, his lips were on hers again. She moaned, ever-so-slightly, into his mouth.

He growled, the vibrations landing on her lips, and he pulled her closer as he dragged her across the room and dropped them both onto the soft couch. He registered the sound of a throat clearing and rolled his eyes as he pulled himself off of her. "Can I help you?" He turned to look at his son, raised an eyebrow, and waited.

"I know you've already decided what you're eating for dinner, but what about the rest of us?" The boy folded his arms and tried his best to imitate the exact expression on his father's face.

Olivia pressed her lips together to keep her laughter in, but her entire body shook beneath Elliot's.

Snickering himself, Elliot poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue. "Italian. You know where the menus are."

"Thank you," Dickie said, giving a two-finger mock-salute. He then bowed a bit and waved his hand. "Carry on, parents."

Olivia and Elliot laughed as he trotted off in search of the take-out menus, but Olivia's smile faded almost immediately. She wasn't Dickie's parent. She wasn't really their mother, but God, she felt like it. She wished with everything she had that the way Elliot remembered his life was how it all really was. She was broken out of her sad spell, her head shooting up at the sound of his voice. "What did you...what did you just ask me?"

He rubbed his nose against hers, letting his lips graze over her mouth as he spoke. "I asked you...to marry me." He smirked. "Well, again. We weren't really the ones that got to plan it the first time. For our anniversary, baby. I want to renew our vows. Do things the way we would've done it if we weren't fucking eighteen and flat broke," he laughed and kissed her again, slowly exploring her mouth with his tongue. His hands found their way to her body, to her hips, to the juncture of her thighs. He applied a bit of pressure, making her moan a bit louder, and he gave another low laugh.

Her body reacted to him, her hips rocked into his hand, her nails dug into his shoulders. "Elliot," she wheezed, trying to stay still and quiet, knowing any of the kids could walk in at any moment. "El, baby, you should…"

"Is that a yes or a no," he asked, the words bare breaths falling like hot coals on her lips. "Marry me, Liv. All over again. Make me the fucking happiest, luckiest son-of-a-bitch in the world, one more time."

She came as she nodded, her mouth open, her forehead pressed against his, her hand curled tightly around his neck, her body rolling against his in slow waves. "Yes," she heard herself whisper, half unconsciously. Her eyes darted up to his, taking in the gloriously satisfied and smug smile on his face and pure, unadulterated love in his eyes.

"Kissing you," he breathed out, "Fucking does the most amazing things to me. I kiss you and I have to...need to…"

"Dad!" Maureen yelled from the kitchen. "We're ordering from Vincenzo's, what do you and Mom want?"

Elliot looked over his shoulder, still breathing a bit heavily as he answered, "I want veal parm, over linguini, and get your mother an order of chicken piccata with a side of hot sauce and fried zucchini!" He saw Maureen stick her head out from the archway, the phone propped on her shoulder and a horrified look on her face. He threw his head back as he guffawed and yelled, "She's pregnant! That's what she gets every time she's pregnant!"

Olivia tilted her head, looking at him with a surprised smile. She'd never been pregnant before, but what he'd ordered for her sounded delicious. It was hitting every craving she had, and the thought of it made her stomach growl slightly. She licked her lips in wonderment, then. There's no way he was simply ordering what Kathy had always ordered; Kathy was allergic to both capers and zucchini. She just couldn't figure it out. How did he know?

He turned his head back toward Olivia. "So, you...you said yes," he shifted a bit and sat upright on the couch, and then pulled her into his lap. He looped one hand around her neck as he guided her down a bit so she was laying out flat, the other of his hands drawing slow, cute patterns on her stomach. "Where do we begin?"

She blinked, and then she smiled. "What would you have done differently?" she asked, letting her right hand drift up to his head where she began scratching lightly at the nape of his neck. She watched his eyes flutter, heard him moan, and asked, "What do you want?"

"Baby," he whispered, lowering his forehead to hers as his eyes closed completely, "I have everything I want, right here. You, the kids, this new...incredible little life," he splayed his open hand over her belly. "But if you're talking about the wedding…" he took a breath. "I want someone to give you away, willingly. Not fucking throwing you at me the way your mother did."

A snort escaped her. She recalled the moment he must be remembering, Serena had to be picked up at a bar in Queens, not too far from Elliot's house. He'd driven, knowing Olivia couldn't in her state of mind, and when they got there, Serena had sobered somewhat, but not enough to get herself home, though she'd tried. When Serena had tried to stand, she'd wobbled. Olivia had run to help steady her, but Serena'd shaken her off. She'd said she didn't need help and gave Olivia a shove toward Elliot. Serena looked at Elliot, dead in the eyes, and said, "She's all yours. Here. Take her."

"Baby?" Elliot nudged her with his nose, snapping her back to the present. "What do you think?"

"Sorry," she whispered, leaning into him. "What do I think about what?"

He kissed her softly. "Getting married at the beach. At my mother's house?" He kissed her again. "Small, just us and...well, a priest of course. I think Father Bryce would do it a second time, but man, we'll have to put up with his whole sermon about you being pregnant before getting married, again." He laughed, and then he kissed her again.

"I think," she took a breath. Marrying him. Legitimately. With a priest and his mother. "I think that sounds...perfect."

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

It was close to four in the morning when their phones rang, one right after the other, beckoning them to a townhouse in Midtown. She was up and dressed and waiting for Elliot, who was shaving in the bathroom.

It gave her time. Time to think, to process. She scoffed at herself as she looped her watch around her wrist and latched it. The mess she made of her life was starting to hit her. She ran one hand through her hair and the other over her just-beginning-to-show belly. "Fuck," she spat, her eyes shut tight.

She lurched forward, and knowing she'd probably knock him over, she hurled herself into the bathroom and just made it, throwing up as soon as her head bent over the toilet.

With a half-shaved chin, he was beside her in seconds. "Honey," he whispered, pulling her hair back and rubbing slow circles between her shoulders. As he felt her body heave again, and heard her gag, he reached one hand out for the bottle of mouthwash and said, "Easy honey, I'm right here."

She let out a soft moan and let her head loll forward as she flushed the toilet and gratefully took the bottle of Scope from Elliot. She sipped, sloshed, stood up on wobbly legs, and spat into the sink. She turned slowly, looked at him, and with tears in her eyes, she said, "I'm sorry."

"What? Baby, sorry for…" he was cut off by her running out of the bathroom. He cursed under his breath and wiped the leftover shaving foam off of his face before running after her. "Liv!"

She was almost to the front door when he grabbed her, spun her around and kissed her, hard. She whimpered and fell into him, the love she had for him battling the guilt that had been eating away at her for the better part of a year. Her trembling hands made their way into his hair and the tears that rolled down her cheeks landed on his shirt.

"Please," he whispered, "Tell me this is hormonal and that you're not leaving me."

She chuckled on a cry, sniffled, and said, "Not willingly, no." She blinked and looked up at him, and she inhaled his scent as he wiped her tears away with his thumbs. "I just...God, El, I can't…" she sobbed again and brought the back of her hand to her mouth. "I can't do this anymore."

Elliot pulled her into his arms. "This is only going to last a few more weeks," he told her. "The nausea fades, you know that, after…"

"I don't!" She yelled, it was loud enough to have him

Back away a bit. "I don't know what this like, okay? I'm dealing with this for the first fucking time, on my own, and I can't even…" she shook her head. "Forget it. I'm sorry. Hormones, right?"

He closed his eyes slowly, one hand shooting up to run the side of his head. "Baby, what...what are you talking about?" He opened his eyes and took a step toward her. He reached for her, hoping she'd let him.

Exhaling, she slipped her hand into his. She took a deep breath and thought; what had he really taken from her? He had been reacting to every moment, giving in to every craving. He was there for every single first, every new experience. In fact, he was acting more like this was his first child than her. She squeezed his hand and exhaled again. "I'm okay. I'm just...tired, and like you said, this nausea…" she licked her lips and looked at him. "The twins are almost eight. I'm a little...out of practice." She shrugged and saw the light return to his eyes. She met him halfway, kissing him eagerly, and returning his sweet whispers and promises.

Her phone rang as they finally opened the door to head to their scene. "Benson," she spoke, and as she listened, her brow furrowed. "Wait, back up, who signed off on that?" She held up a finger, telling him to stop asking her what was going on, and she nodded when he opened the car door for her. "Are you sure? You double checked? Check again! That can't be...that can't be right!"

"Liv," he called, halfway into the driver's side of the SUV. "What the fuck? Who are you talking to?"

Olivia eyed him carefully, shaking her head, then spoke into the phone again. "Thanks. No, I'll have him call you to proceed, if he wants to. Yeah. Goodbye." She hung up and glared at Elliot, But it wasn't him she was mad at, not at all. "That was Larkin, with TARU," she scraped her teeth over her lower lip and squinted slightly. "He was the one following the trail, tracking the money…" she paused, not wanting to slip and say anything that would destroy him the way she almost had back in the house. "The payoff from….your accident. They traced the account back to…"

He saw her eyes, the fire in them, a look he'd only seen right before she'd needed to use excessive force to protect herself or him. "Baby, who?"

She shook her head as she got into the car, slammed the door, and quieted the gurgling in her stomach as he got in on his side.

He grabbed her hand, squeezed it, and said, "Honey, I promise, I won't react how you…"

"You're going to kill him," she whispered, "Everything we have now...we kind of…owe it to him."

His brows knitted together, but she looked at him with a resolute seriousness in her eyes. He exhaled and relaxed his face, loosened his jaw, and but his lip as he nodded. "Who?" He started the car and backed out of the driveway, and then said, "Baby, come on, we've been through enough because of this asshole, so now that we know who it is, we can…"

"Cragen," she said dryly. And then she let out a bitter laugh. "That's why he so unsupportive of this," she wagged a finger between them. "You know, I was starting to think you paid Cassidy yourself, that you wanted a way out of your marriage and a way to get to me, but then I realized you'd never do something so fucking ridiculous, not without letting me in on the whole damn thing, because you fucking know I'd have gladly jumped into this."

He gave her a questioning stare, one of his eyebrows high and arched. "What the fuck are you…"

"God damn it, Elliot, I'm not a fucking idiot!" She snapped at him then, turning to look at him fully. "Give me some fucking credit! I'm in this with you, obviously! I'm not going anywhere and I'm not mad at you, but please, just…"

"In what?" He asked the question with genuine fear in his eyes.

She noticed and her face fell. Her assumptions were wrong, it seemed, and now she just felt more intense guilt. "You...you're not…" she took a breath. "God, Cragen. He did this. He caused all of this, and that's why he's so fucking pissed off at us for…"

"Cragen, you're sure?" his low voice interrupted. He pulled the car over just behind a cruiser, but he stopped her from getting out. "Hey," he pulled on her hand and tugged her over to him. He clutched her face with both of his hands. "We don't have to have a huge renewal of its not what you want. We can do something smaller, just us, maybe Judge Crawford would do us a favor. If that's what's got you so…"

"No, El, it's not...it's not that," she shook her head and she stared into his eyes.

"Do you remember...five, almost six years ago," he brushed her hair back and smiled, Love clear in his eyes. "Cragen gave us that cold case, we had three days to solve it before the statute was up. We kept asking him why us, why we were the ones that had to go without sleep, battle compromised evidence and witnesses who couldn't remember shit." He kissed her lips once. "Day one, you wore this...deep red turtleneck," he smirked, "Hiding a hickey I'd given you. And I wore a tie, the same exact color."

She smiled and nodded. He really did remember everything about her, every moment, every conversation. So he played head-swap with her and Kathy in a few million places, so what? It only proved he loved her more than anything, anyone. "Yeah," she whispered.

He tugged lightly on the collar of her shirt, a button down the same color of the sweater he was remembering. "I remember thinking...every time I looked at you...how badly I wanted you, how beautiful you are, how this color brings out all the browns in your hair and your eyes." He kissed her again. "And I remember Cragen telling us...it wasn't his call. The Morris Commission demanded he put his best on it, and like it or not, it was us. Maybe he got tired of us being too damn good."

"What?" She couldn't help herself, she leaned toward him and kissed him again.

He kissed her deeply, and then pulled away with a small laugh. "We're constantly up for raises and promotions, that can't be in the budget, right? Shit, and baby, maybe he lied. Maybe he knew before we told him, and he was just pissed off that we got away with it for so long. Point is, he didn't hurt me, he didn't split us up, and he didn't stop this…" his hand pressed over her stomach. "He didn't keep us from creating this little life, and God help me, he won't keep us from the next one, or the one after that, because I think I have fucking proven to everyone over and over and over that nothing is fucking ripping us apart and no one fucks with my family."

She nodded and smiled at him, and then said, "We'll deal with him later. Right now, we have work to do." She kissed his cheek before getting out of the car.

Elliot watched her go and then his eyes darkened. They narrowed and his jaw tightened again. "Yeah, baby," he spoke to no one. "We will deal with him later." He got out of the car, making sure it was locked, and ran to catch up to Olivia as the gears in his brain started turning. "Bastard," he hissed, making a resolution to get the reasons from Cragen, and plotting a way to both punish him...and thank him.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"I'm not quite sure what you're thanking me for, here, Elliot," Cragen's voice was pillowy and his eyebrows were so closely knitted together it was hard to tell there were two.

Elliot grinned, smugly and a bit snidely. "You know," he said with a pout and a single nod. "Not taking any sort of action against me and Liv in the last five years. Not making her work with someone else, or transferring me." He chuckled. "I mean, seriously, thank you for that. Our careers are what they are...because of each other, and Liv was right, we wouldn't have what we have if it wasn't for you."

Beyond the door, Olivia closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. That's how he took the words she'd said as their day at work had begun, and it further proved he wasn't faking or lost in pretense. She turned her head to listen a bit harder, hear a bit clearer.

"Elliot, there was nothing going on between…"

"If that's what you need to tell yourself to keep from feeling any bitterness, I get it," Elliot interrupted. But then he tilted his head. His warm expression turned cold, his eyes darkened in a rather evil way, and he stood up. Moving just a bit, he faced Cragen head on, crossing his arms. "But you could have. You could have easily had me moved to another unit, another precinct. Aren't you the one always saying that we're constantly getting transfer offers? You never, not once, told us about any of them. You, what, wanted me gone in a more...permanent way?"

Cragen's brows suddenly separated and shifted, widening his eyes as his jaw dropped. "You...shit, you…"

"Know," Elliot nodded and licked his lips. "Why? What could you possibly have hoped to gain? Ripping me away from Liv? From our kids? You'd put the sweet little eight-year-olds that consider you their grandfather through the hell of losing their father?"

"Shit," Cragen spat, rubbing his forehead, and he dropped his voice so low Olivia couldn't make out what he was saying. She only heard Elliot's angry response. "That doesn't fucking make it okay! Out of commission for what? You needed me out of the unit for a while, all you had to do was ask!"

Cragen yelled back, but Olivia had to move. Her heart couldn't take anymore, and she noticed someone walking through the door. She cleared her throat and walked toward the woman, and she said, "Hi, do you need…"

Turning around, the blonde looked around the room and then smiled as she pulled off her dark sunglasses. "Hey, Liv. I don't see him, is he..."

"Kathy," Olivia exhaled. "He's with the captain in his office. What, um, what are you doing here?"

Kathy looked around and sighed. "I just...didn't know where else I'd find you. I needed to ask…" she reached a hand into her purse and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "Do you know anything about this?"

Olivia took what Kathy was offering, slowly unfolded it, and her heart jumped into her throat. "No, I...I had no idea, I swear. This is…"

"I was going through the boxes, seeing what I could donate or throw out. My apartment...is a lot smaller than the house." She chuckled. "But I love it." She shot a look over toward Cragen's door again, knowing she'd need to leave as soon as it opened. "I just wanted to be sure, you know? Nothing ever happened...this is just…"

"I have never seen this before," Olivia assured her. She read the letter again, she heard his voice saying the words.

 _I am the luckiest son-of-a-bitch in the world, baby. Every time I hold our children in my arms, I see you. You're in the way they smile, the way they laugh. Their happiness, Liv, is just like mine. It's all you. Today, our twins are four. Four, baby. Lizzie has your sass, Dickie has your attitude, and they both have your strength. I thank God for you, my love. My sweet Liv._

It was written to her on the twins' fourth birthday; she'd only been his partner for just shy of six months. He really had been fantasizing about her as long as they'd known each other. She read to the end, taking in every word, and she smiled. "If I had, I...I would have it. He never...he never gave this to me."

Kathy blew a relieved breath out of her mouth and nodded at Olivia. "I thought so, I just...here." She pulled a stack of sealed envelopes out of her purse. There were some thin, some thick, and they were wrapped together with a red ribbon. "There are...well, I thought maybe you'd like to have them, now. Now we both know...he's wanted this life with you for a long time. You take care of him, and the kids...and maybe someday, you can introduce me to him as your...friend. I could be, uh, Aunt Kathy." She laughed and saw the slightly pained look on Olivia's face. "I don't blame you, and I don't hate you. I know why this has to be the way it is, and it took a while for me to realize…"

Olivia waited, but she saw Kathy's eyes tilt downward, an almost guilty look on her face. "For you to realize…? What?"

Kathy cleared her throat. "I guess I can admit this now, no harm being done," she flicked open the arms of her sunglasses and readied them in her hands. "After the divorce, um, you know, before the accident anyway, I was going to leave. Liv, I was going to go...anywhere else, start over. I wasn't ready to be a mother, not when Maureen was born...and when the twins came along, it was all just...too overwhelming for me. I was suddenly a mother of four! Being away from Elliot, out of that house, seeing the kids on a part-time basis, you know, it gave me the time to figure out that for most of our marriage, we were just trying to make it work out of obligation. I don't think I ever loved him the way that you do. The way you always have. It was a life neither of us ever really wanted, and it made us hate each other."

"Kathy," Olivia whispered, tears in her eyes. She reached out a hand but dropped it as she said, "You know he loved…"

"No," she laughed and shook her head. "No, he didn't. We were just both trying to prove to everyone else that we didn't make a mistake, and whether you want to believe this or not, him getting hit by that car saved all of our lives. And he gets to live without the knowledge he committed a mortal sin. He doesn't ever have to remember being trapped, or miserable. He will wake up, every day for the rest of his life, only remembering you by his side through the good and bad, for better or worse, and judging by those letters, he has the happiest life in the world. I can admit I loved him enough to give him that. So do you. You love him more than I ever have, or ever could, because if the tables were turned, here, I wouldn't have gone along with his amnesiatic fantasy at all." She laughed. "I would have walked out of the hospital room, unconcerned with what kind of consequence it would have brought."

Olivia laughed and sniffled. "Yeah, I...I didn't even bat an eyelash, huh? Just...let him believe…"

"What his heart believed all along," Kathy slipped her shades on and rested a hand on Olivia's shoulder. "He wrote it all down in those letters he never gave you, so he didn't lose his memory. He just confused the wife he had with the one he wanted, and things are...now...the way they should be." She nodded once and walked out of the squad room, just as Cragen's door opened.

"Come on," Elliot said, taking angry and fast steps toward her. "Got a call, our warrant's in, we have to go." He grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the doors, but then he stopped. "What are…" he smirked. "You have those...here?"

She looked down at the stack of letters in her hands, ones he wrote to her as if she were his wife, the most wonderfully romantic and beautiful words she'd ever read. "Yeah, uh, they were...in my desk," she lied, but she looked up. "I want to take them home. Re-read them."

He bent his head and kissed her softly, and then took the letters from her. "We'll leave them in the car, okay? We have work to…"

"What did he say?" she asked, cutting him off, searching his eyes.

His lids dropped as he sighed and shook his head. "From the moment he questioned Cassidy," he scoffed, "He was behind it all. He thought…" he waved a hand. "Grab our coats, honey." He waited until the jackets were in her hand and tugged her through the doors of the squad room.

She moved with him, heading toward the elevator. "He thought what?"

He hit the button on the wall, and then he handed her the letters as he helped her on with her coat. "He thought that I needed to get out of your hair for a while, but he couldn't fire me without due cause, and he couldn't just ask me to take a month off, I wouldn't have taken it." He put his own coat on and made a grunting noise as he pressed his lips together. "Someone asked him...to find a spot for him in this unit, just temporarily. Some higher up needed to house someone here. There was no room in the budget for a fifth lead, and he thought...paid medical leave would have been a better…"

"Stop," she said, pressing a finger to his lips. She couldn't listen to Cragen's justification anymore. "Like you said, we have work to do, and we…" she swallowed. "You didn't get hurt, not...not seriously. He didn't take you out, there's no strange asshole parked in your desk, and we are working better than we ever have, here and at home. So all he really did was...make us happier. His plan backfired, didn't it?"

Elliot grinned as his hands slipped around Olivia's waist, running over her stomach. "Yeah, it did," he leaned in and kissed her, and as the elevator doors opened, he blindly guided her through them. When he pulled away, he kissed her forehead. "I need to call Tucker."

"You're taking action?" She looked up with him, narrow-eyed.

He looked down at her. "Baby, I don't think...I don't think it was just because someone wanted my job. I saw the way he was looking at me, I know how he feels about...us. How fucking angry he was when we told him about the baby. I think this has more to do with you. He didn't want me away from the unit, he wanted me away from you. He still does."

Olivia shot him a worried look, clutching her letters tighter to her chest. The one she'd read in the squad room re-played itself in her mind; Cragen almost took away the chance for those written-down fantasies to be realized. But, despite his efforts, he's the reason they became reality. She swallowed hard and took a breath. "Why would he…he went to bat for you, El. The Morris Commission...he defended you, convinced them that..."

"Man," Elliot shook his head fast, and when the elevator stopped, he pressed a hand into the wall. "My head...hurts all of a sudden."

She moved fast with widened eyes. She shot one hand to the side of his face. "God, are you…"

He nodded, grabbing her hand and kissing it. "Yeah, baby, I'm fine. I just...maybe it's the stress of dealing with Cragen up there." He pulled her out of the elevator, and then he linked his fingers with hers as they walked to the car. "We should call Nate," he said, his free hand fumbling in his pocket for his car keys. "Tell him to order take out for the kids tonight, this one's gonna take us a while, and if I have to talk to Ed after hours…"

"Yeah," she said, offering him a smile. "You sure you okay? You don't want to go back in there and lie down? Munch and Fin can…"

"No, babe, it's probably nothing," he assured her, and he opened her door for her when they reached the sedan. He winked as she sat and closed the door, but as he walked around the car, he rubbed his temples. He ground out a curse and rolled his shoulders, and then squinted hard.

Something wasn't right. He was remembering something, a conversation he had overheard one night at the station. Cragen was talking to someone who's voice he didn't recognize, about Olivia, he recalled something about her mother, and he remembered Cragen looking at him just before he walked away. "Shit," he hissed, rubbing the back of his head again. He got into the car, and after buckling up, he turned to look at Olivia. He watched her smile at him, the smile he always saw when he looked at his children, and he leaned over the console and kissed her deeply.

"What was that for?" she asked, grinning, once he started the car.

"I love you," he told her, and he pulled out of his parking spot to head down to the courthouse, on their way to their suspect's house. "Funny, kissing you like that...my headache's gone."

She smiled at him but then turned her head and stared out the window as he drove. She was trying not to feel exuberant, trying not to be overjoyed that he had, in fact, always wanted this with her, and had written it all down. She dropped her gaze to the letters and knew, the memories he had, the life he believed he lived, was all there in her hands. She'd finally be let in on the wonderful things he always talked about. "Oh," she dug in her pocket for her cell phone and shot a quick text to Elliot's brother, rather than calling him, and when she hit 'send' she let her head fall back against the seat.

"You okay, honey?" he asked her, pulling over to the side of the road. He put the flashers on and slapped the portable blue light on the dashboard. He parked and looked at her.

She let the letters drop from her hands to the floorboard, and then returned his gaze. "I am absolutely incredible." She kissed him softly, then followed his lead as they got out of the car and strode up the courthouse steps.

Once through the large carved oak doors, he held up his badge to the security guard, who nodded and waved them both through. "Hate this place," he mumbled, tugging on his black wool sleeves.

She chuckled. "So do I," she agreed. "But it's a part of the job, right?"

He rolled his eyes and nodded. "Unfortunately," he chuckled. He led her down the hall and stopped outside their ADA's office door. He cracked his knuckles as Olivia knocked, and when the woman opened the door they both grinned politely. "Uh, sorry. Did Carmichael move her…"

"Quit," the bespectacled blonde said, pushing her glasses further up on her nose. "You're stuck with me. That gonna be a problem?" She looked at Elliot and said, "Wasn't exactly peaches and cream working with you last time."

Olivia gave Elliot a quizzical look and a sly smirk. "Yeah, well, you were pressing down on a traumatized victim," she said.

"Who became a vengeful...what do you call them? A perp," the lawyer said, nodding once at Olivia. "I assume you want your warrant."

Elliot ran his tongue around his teeth and gums in an effort to keep his temper in check. "Good assumption, Cabot."

Alexandra Cabot moved away from her door for a moment, and then returned holding the document, its blue cover and seal in place. "What's the magic word?"

"Arraignment," Olivia laughed, ripping the warrant out of the woman's hand. "Thanks," she nodded. "We'll let you know when we…"

"I know," Cabot said, waving them off before she slammed her door on them.

Olivia and Elliot shared a knowing look, and then quietly laughed as they headed down the hall, back toward the front doors.

"Hey, Liv...wait…" he said, stopping her and grabbing her hand. When she turned to look at him, he turned his head to look at the door next to him.

Her eyes landed on the nameplate, and she raised one eyebrow. "Seriously? Now?"

He shrugged with a smile and a small nod. "We're here, we got a few minutes, why not?"

She licked her lips, and then they broke out into a broad smile. "Go ahead, El. Knock."

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

Three in the morning, nothing but the bright street lamp filtering in through the drawn curtains to light up her lap, cold coffee forgotten on the table, and a pile of open and read letters on the sofa seat beside her.

They weren't all just fantasy, some of them mixed their reality into their narration. He wasn't simply writing her unsent confessions of love, she realized, he was writing a book. For her.

One of the first letters revealed his plan, to write them one at a time, stamp and date them, keep them in a box and leave the box to her in his will. It was all for her, in case anything ever happened to him so that she would know how he felt, how he'd always loved her.

No, as she read the most recently written one, dated the day before his accident, she'd realized his plan had changed. It suddenly included giving the letters to her himself, because he'd had a feeling Kathy was leaving him, and he'd planned to let her go.

She sniffled, wiped away a tear, and turned the letter over on top of the pile. She lightly traced the edges of the paper with her middle fingertip, smiling down at them as she sniffled again. His words, innermost thoughts, darkest fears, deepest secrets, intimate fantasies, all there in permanent ink, for and including her.

He'd taken artistic liberty with the most powerful moments of his life, superimposing Olivia over Kathy time and time again, until the entire plot line of his life no longer included that particular character at all, and instead intertwined with her own. She felt a tear roll down her left cheek, her free hand coming to rest on her stomach where she knew a new little life was growing. "Elliot," she whispered, shaking her head, and his voice from a few feet away startled her.

"Right here, babe," he whispered into the dark room. He moved toward her sluggishly, rubbing his temples with both hands, and he blindly dropped onto the couch beside her.

She placed the moved letters back into their box before he sat on them and shifted closer to him. "Another headache?" she whispered, moving her hands to his forehead, rubbing the pads of her fingers into it gently.

He nodded and moaned in response to her ministrations, letting his hands drop. "What are you doing out here?"

"Couldn't sleep," she told him. "I was just…"

"Crying," he interrupted. "Why?" He scooted closer to her, moaning again and looping an arm around her. "What's the matter, baby?"

She shook her head and tried to take a deep breath. She couldn't tell him that signing that simple piece of paper, in his mind a simple renewal but in hers, an official proclamation of marriage that had terrified her. She couldn't tell him that she was scared out of her mind, that one day he'd wake up and hate her, and their child. She couldn't tell him that she figured out who Cragen owed a favor to, that Tucker had called her to explain, that the Chief of Detectives was personally opening an investigation into the entire thing. No, she couldn't tell him any of it. Instead, she kissed him softly, whispered, "I love you," and rubbed his forehead a bit harder.

"Why were you crying?" he asked again, dropping his head and moaning once more. Turning slightly, he saw the box on the coffee table. "Oh," he chuckled. "Reading them made you, uh, little emotional, huh?"

"More than a little," she admitted. She pressed into his temples and moved her fingers in deep circles. "This is the third headache you've had…"

"I think it's the same one," he mumbled, turning his head again. He twisted his body to lay on the couch with his head in his wife's lap. He closed his eyes and said, "Came and went, but same fucking headache. Talking to Tucker...made it worse. Who the hell does he think…"

"Shh," she quieted, continuing to rub for him. Bringing up Tucker now would make her unable to keep what she knew to herself. "Relax. Please? Just...relax."

He sighed, nestled in between her thighs, smirked, and said, "How'd I get so fucking lucky?" He didn't let her answer. "I mean, honestly, no other son-of-a-bitch on the planet has a woman like you. So strong, beautiful, romantic...tough, fearless...loyal, passionate…" his voice got lower, softer, the words more mumbled as he listed the qualities he felt she possessed. "Amazing mother, incredible wife...brilliant, powerful cop...mine."

When he stopped talking, she moved her fingers along his forehead, tapping and rubbing in hopes of taking his headache away. She felt him relax, his body sank deeper into her lap and the couch, and she exhaled slowly. She carefully slid out from beneath him, replacing her lap with one of the decorative pillows, and let him sleep while she put the letters away and cleaned away her coffee mug.

Thoughts drifted to her long, hellish day as she placed the black box of beautiful letters on the top shelf of a bookcase. The conversation she had with Elliot's doctor came first, his given diagnosis of _lacunar amnesia._ The doctor said it wasn't an event that was forgotten, however, it was a person. Kathy. Elliot's brain healed but the damage had been done, and as of yet, there was no way to tell if he'd ever remember. After rinsing out her mug and dropping it into the dishwasher, she heard Tucker's words play in her mind: _This looks like it could be part of a cover-up. Cragen thinks Elliot knows something he shouldn't; tried to take him out, but figures he won anyway because he can't remember fucking shit. On top of that, he had a personal reason for this. Something bigger at stake; I don't know how to tell you this, Benson, but…_ She shook her head, the pain of the words too strong to relive, especially at such an ungodly hour.

She quietly walked back into the living room, yawned once, and as slowly and carefully as she could, she flattened herself out next to Elliot. Almost immediately, she felt his strong arms wrap around her, his body shifting as he turned on his side to make more room. She felt him kiss the back of her head and drop one of his hands to the swell of her stomach, and her heart thumped a bit harder. She let her head fall back against him and let the sleep that finally approached take her away.

Waking up to the sound of rude, blaring ringtones was even more nettlesome, owing to the trivial amount of sleep on a small, lumpy couch they'd gotten. Olivia moved first, sliding herself to a sitting position and rubbing the cramp in her neck as she reached for her charging cell phone. "Benson," she groaned, the name coming out like an exhausted complaint. She eyed Elliot, who was rubbing his eyes with one hand while answering his own phone with the other. "Yeah, he...he is. Fine, why?"

"Stabler," he mumbled, scratching his chin. "Of course, I know where she is, she's here. Right next to me. Uh, because she's my wife, where the hell else would she be? Jesus." He rolled his eyes and then blinked rapidly, something his caller said shocking him alert. "What? Are you...are you sure?"

"I honestly don't know," Olivia said on a shaky breath. She stood fast and paced, back and forth, her hand running through her hair, her eyes twitching as her rings caught on her strands. "I haven't been there since…" she sent a hazardous glance in Elliot's direction. "Since the, uh...since the thing." She bit her lip and then said, "Everything that really mattered was brought here, as soon as…"

"What?" Elliot's voice boomed, drowning out Olivia's call altogether. "What the hell does that mean? Someone's after...why would she have been...you know what? No. This doesn't make any fucking sense. There has to be some kind of…" he stopped talking. His eyes closed. He took as deep a breath as he could and then he spoke a bit calmer. "You find out, and then you tell me everything."

Olivia had already hung up, and as she watched him end his call, she moved toward him. "I'm guessing...we were both called...about the same thing." She scratched his chin lightly, something she had discovered was comforting to him, and she dropped her head into his chest.

He wrapped her up, closed his eyes, and whispered, "Guess so." He kissed her forehead, swallowed hard, and said, "I don't...I don't know why someone would go looking for you...anywhere but here." He smoothed his hands down her back. "Especially there, that place was ours for what, two months? Over a decade ago? Doesn't make any…" he brushed it off. "Obviously, it was someone else's place, but no one was home, thank God, and…"

"Yeah, Munch told me," she said, stopping him before he could start connecting faded dots. "He also told me, we, um...we have to meet Cabot at the house. There's an issue with O'Brien's…" she paused. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I need you to promise me something," he said. His voice was low, serious, and the look in his was severe but filled with nothing but love. "Liv, baby, I'm serious."

"Anything," she told him without hesitation. "If that's not crystal clear to you by now, then…" she shrugged. "What is it?"

He licked his lips. "I have this feeling...with everything going on with Cragen, now this," he held up his phone, "Cabot's going to try her usual shit. She's holding a couple of grudges against us, and she'd do and say anything to get under your skin, you know that, don't you? You have to promise me, you won't let anything she says get to you. If she comes onto me, if she makes those lewd jokes about us...just let it all go."

She nodded, knowing what he was warning her against, knowing what he was worried about. "Everyone else knows...the truth, now," she said, and a light came back into her eyes as she grabbed his free hand and pulled him toward the stairs. Memories of Alex hitting on Elliot relentlessly, right in front of her, flooded her mind. "We certainly don't have to hide this from her anymore. In fact," she pulled him closer when they reached the landing, and she kissed him deeply. "We can rub her fucking nose in it."

Elliot smirked at her, kissed her again, and then gave her a soft shove toward the bedroom. They helped each other dress, taking time and sharing sweet kisses and teasing touches in between, and for a moment, they'd forgotten about everything.

Cragen's vendetta, Tucker's unusual concern, someone breaking into Olivia's apartment and ransacking the place, it all took a place on the backburner as they caressed, touched, loved.

As Elliot pulled away from a long, slow kiss, he smiled and whispered, "I love you, Liv. I always have, I always will." He kissed her again and sighed, knowing without a doubt that she felt the same.

His eyes darkened and he chuckled. People in his life were messing with him, with his family, and now, they were going to pay. He squinted, then, almost as soon as the vengeful thoughts crossed his mind his head began to ache. "Honey," he said, still holding her, but when he opened his mouth to ask her the question, he changed his mind. He smiled at the look in her eyes, the love in them, and he tugged lightly on her grey sweater. "This is the one you wore...the morning after," he licked his lips. "The first time after the accident…" he pulled her close and kissed her hard, nuzzling her nose with his and giving her a soft laugh. "Who'd have thought a plain grey sweater would be one of my biggest turn-ons?"

She chuckled and narrowed her eyes at him. "I can not believe you remember what I was wearing…"

"Think about what you're saying," he laughed with a roll of his eyes. "Baby, when it comes to you, I remember everything. Every goddamned thing." He winked at her and moved, leading her out of the bedroom.

"You do," she said, realization hitting her. A wicked smirk grew across her face and she shook her head. "You certainly do."

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"Undercover stint last year," Olivia said, curling paper lunch bags over top and handing one to each kid. "I was faking a pregnancy to catch a...bad guy," she blinked and looked at Maureen. "The man took us to an italian restaurant and, playing the part, I ordered…"

"Chicken piccata with hot sauce and fried zucchini," Kathleen said with a triumphant air of realization. "That's why Dad said…"

"Yes," Olivia said, interrupting with a laugh. She smoothed a hand over Maureen's head, kissing the girl's cheek. "There's the reason. Your father and I haven't been having kids without your knowledge. This one..." she pointed to her belly. "The first one. Just, uh, don't tell your father that." She made a wide-eyed face and shook her head, rubbing noses with the eleven- year-old.

The kids gave a chuckle and Dickie shrugged. "Bye, Mom." He climbed up on a chair to kiss Olivia on the cheek and grabbed his bookbag, heading out the door to meet his uncle by the truck.

"Uh, well, thanks, Mom," Kathleen lifted her lunch bag and shook it a bit. "It's official now, right? You're married?" She looked on as Olivia nodded and then did as her brother had done and kissed her cheek. Before she moved away, though, she asked, "You're taking him to the doctor, right?"

Olivia closed her eyes and bit her lip, nodding again at the girl who was now, as she stated, officially her daughter. "If I can get him out of bed."

Kathleen looked up the stairs, her eyes glowing with worry for her father and the headache that wouldn't go away. Sighing, she walked out of the kitchen and through the living room, making it out the door just as Nathan honked the horn.

Olivia turned her attention toward Lizzie and Maureen, then, and tapped her fingers on the counter. "Are you two going to school? If you're not, there's a mountain of laundry in there that I'm certainly not going to touch."

"We're going," Maureen said with a light laugh, clutching her binder a bit closer to her chest. "I just...there's something that's been bugging me. Us," she jerked her head to the side, in Lizzie's direction.

"You're both too young to wear makeup," Olivia told them in a manner betraying that the conversation had been had more than once.

"Not that," Lizzie said, rolling her eyes to showcase her seven-year-old dramatics. "You haven't named the baby!"

Olivia looked down at the sweet little girl and she cupped her chin gently. "Sweetie, we don't know if it's a boy or a girl, yet. I guess, uh, we'll pick a name when we find out."

Maureen whined and stomped her foot. "Not fair!" She whipped her braid a bit as she huffed. "We're just so excited, and it seems rude to just keep calling it 'the baby,!"

Olivia laughed over the sound of Nathan's impatient horn-honk and kissed Maureen's nose. "Why don't the two of you think of a nickname, then? Something you could call the baby, no matter what it is."

Maureen and Lizzie shared an intrigued gasp and then ran through the house before their uncle could honk the horn again.

Laughing to herself, Olivia walked over to the door, closed and locked it, and then turned to lean back against it. As she looked around the living room, she realized how much it had changed since Elliot's accident. Not just wiping any trace of Kathy from existence, but the furniture itself. Elliot had spent Sundays after church painting and fixing wobbly legs. What couldn't be repaired or refinished was simply replaced. The couch was reupholstered, and the ratty armchair that followed Elliot into the house from his childhood bedroom was finally laid to rest, giving way to a leather chaise lounger.

She took a few steps toward the large, comfortable cushion, loving how it had become "their" spot. Whenever the family spent any time in the room, Elliot would wrap himself around her, flatten them out on the chaise, and hide them under a huge, soft blanket. It didn't matter if they were watching a movie or simply keeping the kids company while they finished homework, it had become habit, one she hoped would never be broken.

"Hey, beautiful," Elliot's groggy voice called to her from the bottom of the stairs. He walked over to her, his bare feet sinking into the carpet, and pulled her into his arms. He moved with her, rocking her and trickling his hands down her body until he was cuping her ass with both palms. He started humming, then, making it clear he was dancing with her. He let his lips press into whatever skin they landed on, her neck, her chin, her shoulder, her ears. "What time's our meeting with Novak?" he sang to her, not willing to let the moment go.

A soft moan eked out of her as he kissed her neck again. "Eleven-thirty," she groaned. He was biting at her neck now, driving her mad with need. "Thought you had a headache."

"Went away," he mumbled with a bit of her flesh in his mouth. He licked a trail up to a spot behind her ear while his hands grabbed the cotton of her black pants and yanked down hard, but he whined against her lips when they didn't fall away as he'd hoped. "Fucking zipper," he garbled, slipping one hand to the front of her pants.

Chuckling, she staved him off and looked at him. "You made me call Cragen and tell him you had a horrible headache, we're an hour late to work already. You want to give him more of a reason to…"

"He doesn't know my headache went away," he interrupted with a maniacal smirk, walking his fingers back to the zip of her pants. He slowly slid it down, staring at her with darkened narrow eyes. He licked his lips salaciously, arcing his hand forward and down between her pants and her underwear. He moaned, it sounded guttural and feral, twisting his wrist and stroking her through the silk. "Hot," he whispered, pressing harder against her. "Wet."

The heated breath from him landed on her lips and made her shiver as she moaned louder, feeling his fingers curl under her silk underwear. She gripped his shoulders and jerked her body upward when he pushed two fingers into her, his other hand still on her ass, supporting her. "Elliot," she keened, arching her back.

"Mmm, right here," he said as he nipped at her lips. He moved his fingers, twisted and crooked them, and slammed his mouth into hers as he guided them back to the chaise. He fell, pulling her with him, and let out a victorious growl when he felt her hands working rather quickly to unbuckle his belt. He worked his fingers faster and when she pulled herself up to shove his pants down, he fell into a trance. Watching her rock and buck against his thigh as his hand worked her to climax made every nerve in his body spark and crackle. With a thrash, he kicked off his pants wildly and dropped his head back. Her hand felt like Heaven wrapped around his dick, and when she stroked, he popped his head up and bit his bottom lip hard, staring into her eyes.

It became an erotic contest, who could force whom over the edge first. It was a game she was losing, she determined. Her back curved and her throat let loose a long incantation. His name, a Latin prayer, and something vulgar in a language she wasn't even sure she knew. With a frenzied shake of her head she clenched her thighs together and pulled herself up, away from his hand, and then lowered herself back down as she guided him into her. The noise that came out of her mouth was a house-blend of relief and intense satisfaction, with only the slightest bit of pain. She hurled herself forward and kissed him hard, her hips starting to roll.

He filtered his hands through her hair, moaning into her mouth every time he felt her pussy slide off of him, seething when she engulfed him again. He was stunned into near paralysis, only bucking his hips slightly to get deeper every time she lowered herself to him. She took the reins and he submitted, giving her control.

Intense and unexpected, yes, but never unwelcome. She could feel him pushing further into her with every thrust. Her body adjusting to his full size and girth sent electric currents through her, in all directions. Her hypersensitivity and escalated hormones magnified every sensation tenfold. "Elliot," she whimpered, "God, baby."

As the word 'baby' left her lips, he streamed his hands from her head to her belly, one hand protectively shelling it, the other running lower to thumb at her clit. "Baby," he whispered, kissing her. He worked harder, then, more desperate for her to cum because the thought of her glowing and growing with their child turned him on in more ways than he knew there to be and it made his dick throb. "Honey," he coaxed, flicking his thumb rapidly and slamming his hips up against her opposite thrusts.

Her body fell to his, tensing and burning as the power of what was taking over worked its way from the tips of her toes to the pit of her stomach. She clenched, tremors ripping through her, and she screamed his name loudly, almost violently into their kiss.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, baby," he spat on harsh gasps, the way her body clamped and convulsed around him triggered him and he came with such ferocity that he was certain the neighbors heard his roar. He held her down, keeping her pressed against him. He could feel himself pulsating, her vibrations and the way each spasm sucked him in a bit deeper, and he couldn't help the crass curse that flew out of his mouth and into hers.

She quaked against him, bringing her frantic kiss down to a simmering languidity. Her hands cupped his face and her hips rocked one final time as a sort of curtain call. "If I wasn't already pregnant," she respired, caressing him, "That would have done it."

He grunted and thrust again, making them both moan, and then he slowly eased her up a bit. "Jesus, baby," he combed her hair back with his fingers and gazed into her eyes, "We are the fucking luckiest couple in the world because no one...no one else has a fucking love like this."

She agreed and kissed him again, and then slowly peeled herself off of him. "Damn right," she breathed. She slipped off of the chaise and on wobbly legs, she moved and picked up their clothes. She turned back and saw him, leaning up on his elbows, already fully erect again, staring at her with hungry eyes. She winked at him and held his gaze as she slowly pulled on each bit of her outfit that he had torn off.

"So fucking beautiful," he said to her, licking his lips. He scooted off of the cushion, stood up, and walked toward her. He cupped her face, looked deeply into her eyes, and asked, "Do you ever wonder?"

"What?" She handed him his pants and shirt, but noticed he made no move to put them on. She ran a hand down his chest slowly, and then kissed his lips. "Wonder what?"

He grabbed her hands and stilled them. "What our lives would be like if we weren't together?"

She pressed her lips together. The truth was she didn't have to wonder. She knew what life was like when he wasn't hers, when he was just a fantasy. She couldn't tell him that. "I've had nightmares about it," she said honestly, because she did have terrible dreams where he remembered his old life and wanted it all back.

He chuckled and brought her hands up to his lips, kissing her knuckles. "Nightmares, huh? So you don't ever feel like...like somehow being with me is keeping you from…" he paused and took a deep breath. "Keeping you from something better?"

She shook her head, leaned into him, and kissed him softly. "It doesn't get any better than this," she whispered. "You are all I have ever wanted, and this...this house, our family," she brought their joined hands down to rest on her belly, "Is everything I have ever dreamed of, you have to know that." She rubbed her belly, making his hand do the same. "You know everything about me, you remember every detail about me...so you...you have to know that."

He nodded and kissed her again. "I love you," he said to her. He smiled and kissed her once more. "I need to go upstairs and change, or we're going to be late."

"Whose fault is that?" she teased. She watched him shrug playfully and run up the stairs, and then she closed her eyes. "The night we hunted down Brooks. You brought the bastard to his knees, made him beg for his life...and then you cradled that little boy in your arms and made him feel so safe," a tear rolled down her cheek. "We got back to the house and instead of running the interrogation, you stayed in the squad room and played checkers with him until his mother came to pick him up, and then you...you took me up to the bunks, made me get in bed, and you...you thought I was asleep but I wasn't. You kissed my cheek and told me...you didn't know why but…"

"I love you," he whispered, behind her. He wrapped his arms around her, both hands on her tiny almost-bump, and he buried his head in the bend of her neck. "I've always loved you."

She smiled, leaned back into him, and nodded. "You ready?" She sniffled and wiped away the few tears that had fallen in her reminiscence.

He made an affirmative noise, pulled her with him toward the coat rack, and grabbed his and hers off the hooks. "What even made you think about that?" He had heard her talking to herself.

"It was…" to lie or tell the truth. "I fell in love with you that night." She smiled at him. "All over again."

He smiled, kissed her, and said, "I intend to make you fall in love with me, baby, at least once a day." He cupped her chin and held her steady. "I promise, I'm never going to give you a reason to regret me. Us."

As he led her out of the house, she couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that something had shifted, and that his headaches meant more than they realized.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"Near as I can tell," Doctor Willings closed Elliot's chart and shrugged as he took off his glasses, "they're nothing more than tension headaches. Are you dealing with any abnormal stress?" He looked at Elliot and waited.

Elliot scoffed lightly, folding his arms. "No, no, you know, I just found out my boss is trying to kill me, someone broke into the apartment my wife and I lived in when we first got married, we're having a baby, and we keep getting junk mail delivered to the house for someone named Kathy," he rattled off dryly. "What do I have to be stressed about, huh?"

Willings chuckled, then exhaled. "My advice, here, is very cliche." He handed Elliot a small brown colored plastic bottle of pills.

Olivia raised an eyebrow as she noticed the label. "Take two aspirin and call in the morning?"

Willings made an apologetic face at her, nodding, and then dragged her over to the side of the room. He lowered his voice as he said, "I can tell that you're worried. I assure you, these headaches are not severe, and they don't…"

"You heard him," she interrupted. "Some woman named Kathy? He still has no fucking idea that she used to be his wife, that ninety-percent of the life he thinks he has is a bunch of bullshit, what am I supposed to do if he…"

"Detective Benson," Willings spoke, interrupting her. He cleared his throat and folded his glasses into the pocket of his white lab coat. "I have been with the two of you from the beginning. If he hasn't recalled anything by now, odds are slim he ever will. If you refuse to believe that, then the only other possibility we have to take into consideration is that he does remember, but he thinks he's in too deeply now, that you'll walk away with his child if…"

"That's ridiculous. I know him. He would never do that," she cut him off, firmly, adamantly, and folded her arms.

Willings grinned. "I know he wouldn't, so you see, what we are left with is exactly what I have been telling you for months. That part of his memory is gone, replaced, and other than having to deal with a few uncancelled magazine subscriptions, you have nothing to worry about." He flipped Elliot's chart under his arm. "Trust me, I'm a doctor," he told her, and he turned and left the room without looking over at Elliot.

Olivia stepped back to him, reaching him as he dropped off of the examination table. "How's your head?"

"Told you," he said with his classic smirk plastered on his face, "Hasn't hurt since we, uh…"

"Fucked in the living room?" she stated bluntly, because although it was pure love and devotion, it was far from slow and delicate.

He winked at her and shook the bottle. "We have to stop at the cart outside and get coffee," he told her. "If I'm going to be dealing with Cabot, I definitely need to take these." He heard her laugh, and watched her face light up a bit, and he shoved the bottle into his pocket as he grabbed and pulled her closer to him with his other hand. "You...are the most amazing woman in the world. You're the perfect partner, both for work and life, and I can't remember my life without you in it."

"I know you can't," she whispered, sighing, but she kissed him and then walked with him out of the exam room, through the halls and out of the building.

Once the sun hit them, he grabbed her hand, linked their fingers, and tugged her over to the coffee vendor. "Two," he said, popping the lid off the pills almost expertly with one hand. "Cream and sugar, pal." He raised the bottle to his lips and shook it until he felt two land on his tongue. He grimaced as he chewed them, snapping the lid back on the bottle and dropping it into his pocket. He took one of the cups from the man and drank half of it immediately.

Olivia laughed at him, and then took her coffee from the quiet, tan vendor. "Thank you," she told him, and she wondered how Elliot would pay for the coffee while both hands were busy. She had her answer, smiling as she watched him put the cup down on the ledge to get the money out of his pocket. He really wasn't planning on letting her hand go, at all.

He handed the man a five dollar bill and nodded his thanks, and then picked up his coffee. He sipped as he nudged Olivia, getting her to move. "What, uh, what were you and the doc talking about when you thought I wasn't watching?"

"He just knew I was worried," she told him. Not a lie, but not the whole truth, something that had become normal in her conversations with him. "He just reassured me that your headaches don't mean…" her breath caught in her throat. "They're nothing serious. You're...you're absolutely fine."

"I keep telling everyone I am," he said, sipping his coffee. He let his arm swing, taking hers with it, as he slowly walked down the sidewalk with her. "Beautiful day, huh?"

"Yeah," she narrowed her eyes and her lips curled into a skeptical smile. "What are you doing?"

He pretended not to hear her, but rose both brows as he took the last sip of his coffee and pulled her along. "These trees over here," he tugged her onto the landscaped lawn of an office building, ducking under a few branches, "Are these Oak?"

She licked her lips and controlled her chuckling, and she repeated her question. "What are you doing, El?"

He pulled her toward him fast, hearing her coffee cup plop into the grass, and he thrust her against the tree in front of him. He moved fast, kissing her hard, pawing at her shirt, almost as if he expected her to disappear in seconds. He wedged his left knee between her legs and hiked it upward.

Her eyes closed as she moaned, and when his mouth attached itself to her neck, she was brought back to the day after his accident, when he had her pressed against the side of a building and made her cum so hard she almost blacked out. It seemed as thought that's what he was trying to do now, his hands gripped her hips and he was literally grinding her against his leg. "Elliot," she moaned, "God, fuck, Elliot."

"Can't help it," he mumbled with a bit of her skin between his teeth. He shifted a few inches to the right, his dick taking the place against her heat that his knee had vacated. "Can't fucking help it with you." He bucked and thrust and moved his mouth from her neck to her lips catching her moan on his tongue. He knew he couldn't get too worked up, too far gone, but he needed to give her what she needed, he needed her to cum, he needed her to relax.

She whimpered against his lips, clutched his shoulders and dragged her nails down his back. They snagged and pulled at his jacket but she didn't care. Her body was his, her heart and soul were his and she trusted them with him with every fiber of her being. "El," Elliot," she panted, curling her fingers into the rounds of his ass.

He felt her body go rigid, and then he held her as she trembled. He stopped moving, stopped thrusting, and slowly he kissed her to calmness. He ran his fingers through her hair, slowing his own pulse as he brought her down from the spontaneous high. "I love you," he whispered, and he nuzzled her for a moment. "I love you so fucking much." His right hand trailed down her side and u-turned upward until his palm rested lovingly over her stomach. "Both of you."

"You know," she panted, "God, you know I love you just as much. More." She dropped her forehead forward until it pressed against his. Her right hand dropped over his, and they stayed there, still, silent, breathing each other in. "We should...we should go, we have to…"

"I needed to get away from everything for a minute," he admitted, kissing her once. "The doctors, work…" he kissed the end of her nose. "I needed a few minutes with you, like this," he confessed, ad he backed away and pulled her off of the tree and into his arms. He kissed her once more, and then turned, taking her hand again and heading to their car.

They stole sweet kisses as they walked, and he whispered to her stomach in the softest voice, promises of an amazing life and a killer name. They reached the car too soon, ending their moment of peace, knowing that once they got into the vehicle, they'd be thrust back into a world where someone they trusted was trying to rip them apart. As her hand slipped under the handle of the passenger side, her phone rang. "Benson," she said when she answered, getting into the car. "Oh, really?" she scoffed on the word, her irritation evident in the way she yanked on her seatbelt, "How'd you find that out?"

"Who is it?" Elliot asked, starting the car. He eyed her carefully for a moment, his hands taking spots at ten and two on the wheel, the car still in park.

She held up a finger and spoke into the phone. "He's a cop, he didn't think to wear gloves? He wanted us to know it was him. What the hell was he looking for? Proof of what?"

"Baby, who the hell are you talking to?" he asked again, louder and more insistent. He kept his ears open to her conversation as he shifted gears and backed out of the space and drove out onto the road.

"No, no, don't...don't do anything until I get there," she said, the tone in her voice had suddenly mellowed, almost saddened. "Thanks, Ed, really. For...for everything." She hung up and looked at Elliot. "You're not going to want to hear this, you won't...you won't even understand this…" she bit her lip and wrung her hands together, dropping her phone into her lap.

"Tell me," he demanded. He turned the wheel, changing lanes, and he bit his lip.

"The guy who broke into my...um, our old apartment," she cleared her throat, balled her hands into fists, and tried to calm her labored breathing, slow her racing heart. How could she explain this without telling Elliot any of the truth that would tear the life in which she'd just found solace to pieces.

Sensing her emotional imbalance, Elliot pulled the car over, crooked, against the curb in front of the courthouse, and he turned to her with a heavy exhalation. "Just...baby, just tell me." He reached over the console for her hands and took both of hers in his. "What is it?"

"It was Cragen," she whispered, "Well, not...not just him. He had help. I just…it was him." She didn't tell him anything else, but she knew that he would ask questions. He would demand answers. And because she loved him, she would give them to him.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"Planned what?" Elliot genuinely looked confused; his eyes were angled toward Olivia but his body faced the courthouse steps. The walk toward the building had been awkwardly silent, until he couldn't take it anymore. Olivia had told him, because he'd asked what Cragen could have possibly hoped to find in an apartment they didn't even live in, and her response was that he was searching for evidence that she'd planned everything.

She shook her head and closed her eyes, and she knew that he needed to know the truth, before things got worse, before an innocent child was caught in the middle. "He thinks I knew that he was going to try to hurt you, that I warned you. That we…" she felt the tears running down her cheeks and one of her hands moved over her stomach. "We used it to get you away from…" her voice dropped, "Away from Kathy without a messy divorce, so it would all look…"

"Liv, calm down, look at me," he gripped her arms and held her still, his head bent forward slightly owing to his slight tower over her, and he shook his head. "We didn't plan anything, except...yeah, the baby was planned, but not...not unexpected, I mean, we always talked about having another kid, and this was just the right time." He licked his lips. "What divorce?"

"Elliot, please," she begged, her whole body pleading with him. "Don't ask me that. Not now."

"I have a fucking right to know!" Elliot yelled, suddenly putting too many pieces together. "This Kathy woman keeps fucking popping up! Who the hell is she?"

Olivia watched him, his flaring nostrils and brandishing arms, and she bit her lip as she sniffled again and blinked tears out of her eyes. "You really don't know?"

"I have already told you," he was gritting his teeth now, and he moved closer to her and gripped her arms again. "I have never cheated on you, and will never...ever...do it. I'll never even want to! God, no one gets that it's you! Just fucking you!" He pushed away from her and grabbed the sides of his head in frustration. "Is it really so hard to believe that I could be completely faithful to you? That you are now, and always have been, the only woman I have ever really, truly, deeply loved and wanted? I'm a guy, so it must mean I want to fuck everything with tits, that it? Well, news flash, that's not true!" He moved to her again, lowered his voice, and swiped his fingers under her eyes to dry her tears. "If you have any doubt about…"

"I don't," she whispered with another sniffle. "You're the only man I've ever loved, you...you know that. You're the only person...I will ever love, I promise you." She was telling him the absolute truth.

He kissed her sweetly. "I know, but I don't understand. Why do people keep talking to me about…"

"Excuse me," a low voice interrupted his question, Alex Cabot stood there eying them suspiciously. "You're late."

Olivia turned, raising one eyebrow. "You aren't even in your office, so...so are you." She tugged on her blazer and wiped her eyes, hoping she didn't look like she'd been crying.

Alex gave a slight tilt of her head. "Are you okay?" she asked, stepping closer to the pair. "What happened? The Olivia Benson I know doesn't cry."

"I'm fine," Olivia lied, "Stop pretending you care." She crossed her arms and gave her head a flip to the left to get her hair out of her eyes.

"I...I'm not pretending, I care about you," Alex said almost softly. "Seriously, the read-in can wait, what's wrong, here?"

Elliot looped an arm around her and sighed as he said, "Cragen. He's just…" he shook his head and let out another sigh. "Being difficult for no fucking reason." He kissed Olivia's temple and bit his lip. "At least, I don't think...I don't think there's a reason." He got a foggy look in his eyes, Olivia and Alex noticed, as he thought about something, remembered something that couldn't possibly have happened. He blinked quickly as he snapped out of it and looked up at Alex. "We're here, what do you need from us? You've never called us in for a meeting before, why now?"

Alex looked at him with a slight glare, but she pursed her lips and took a deep breath, letting it go, and she said, "I need you two to fill me in on things. I need access to all of the open cases, I need to stack my defenses and interview witnesses, see who I can get on the roster as expert…"

"Slow down," Olivia held up a hand and narrowed her eyes. "Back up. You're taking over…"

"Not just this case," Alex declared, pushing her glasses up. She ran a hand down her grey suit and said, "I'm on the books for everything you've got, Carmichael isn't coming back to try any cases. I'm...lost, here. They offered me this, and I jumped at the chance, but...things are different now, aren't they?"

Olivia nodded and gave Alex a look. "You have no idea," she said, a mildly bitter chuckle under her words. And then, because she desperately wanted to see her reaction, she said, "I'm pregnant."

Alex's eyes bulged, she lunged forward and grabbed Olivia's hips, looking her up and down. "You're what?" she exclaimed, stunned.

Elliot laughed softly and proudly proclaimed, "It's mine," he said, "You know, uh, like the other four. It's been me. The whole time. We...well, we aren't hiding it anymore, it's been long enough…"

"I'm sorry," Alex held up a hand and wiggled her head back and forth a bit, "Did I come back to SVU in the right dimension?" She looked at Olivia, who looked caught somewhere between ecstatic and sick. "What the hell is he talking…"

"The truth is," Olivia said firmly, not willing to let Cabot be the one who rips everything away from her. "We're really married, Alex, and this baby...is his." She rubbed the back of her neck and said, "As for the…"

"Oh, my God, move!" Alex suddenly pushed Olivia, who grabbed Elliot out of relflex, and the three of them fell to the ground and rolled a few feet as a car whizzed by, brakes squealing, tires screeching, in a clear attempt to mow them down. She moaned as she propped herself up on her elbow, staring after the car and squinting to get the license plate number. "Holy shit," she spat, and then she turned with wide eyes. "You guys okay?"

Olivia nodded, but she sent a worried glance over toward Elliot, who was still flat on his back, groaning. "He hit his head on the curb," she whispered, fresh tears dripping out of her closed eyes, and she twisted around to cup Elliot's face. "Hey," she said gently, "Elliot, can you hear me?"

A small crowd had formed, a few people were rapidly texting, three had already called 911. Alex looked around and got to her feet, and she shooed the on-lookers who hadn't witnessed the car drive toward them and away.

"El," Olivia sniffled, cupping his face and pulling him up, "El, hey, what...are you…"

He rubbed his head, his eyes closed, as he moaned again. "Liv," he grumbled, "What the fuck just happened?"

"God, look at me," she spat, her heart hammering in her chest, and she grabbed him again and made him turn his head. "Look at me, damn it!"

He blinked and, still rubbing the back of his head, he looked at her. "Are you okay?" He rolled his neck, hearing it crackle, but then his eyes shot open wide and he rolled up onto his knees. He ran his hands over her frantically, pulling her clothes up and checking for any sign of bruise or cut, and then he pulled her closer. "Baby," he whispered, "The baby. What hap...I need to...you have…"

"Shh," she hushed him, shaking her head and wrapping her hands around his wrists. "I'm fine, I was rolling with you, I never even hit the ground. You...you wrapped yourself around me, and I…"

"What the hell happened?" He brought his hand back to the lump forming on his head and he got to his feet, his free hand pulling her up. "You're getting checked out, now, you hear me? I don't give a shit what you say, I want you…"

She kissed him, shutting him up, but also to reassure herself. Her heart stopped when she felt him jerk away, but her hands clutched at his shirt, begging him to come back. She sighed against his open mouth when she felt his arms wind around her, and she let herself cry.

"Stop, I'm okay," he soothed, brushing her hair back with his hands, kissing her softly as he calmed her. "I know you...you get so fucking worked up when you think I'm hurt, especially my head, but I'm fine. I need to make sure you are, you and the baby, are all I really give a fuck about right now." He turned toward the sound of approaching sirens and he spotted Alex. "What the hell is she doing?"

"Taking statements," Olivia told him, "She...she pushed us out of the way, the car was…"

"Trying to hit us?" he asked, and he saw her nod. "Mother fucker," he hissed. "Come on," he pulled her over to the ambulance that had just rolled up and yelled at the EMT before he even got out of the car. "Hey! My partner...she's pregnant, I need her checked out and if you think there's anything wrong, you take her to Mercy General."

"Yes, Detective," the EMT took Olivia from him and helped her up into the back of the vehicle, onto the stretcher. "Who should I call for you, Ma'am?"

"Don't call her that," Elliot laughed, watching as the man wound a blood pressure sleeve around her arm. "She'll punch you. And you don't need to call anyone, I'm not just her partner." He smiled and said, "I'm her husband." He winced, then, and rubbed his head again.

Olivia exhaled, holding the breath in since he'd called her 'partner,' and then she said, "You need to have them check you out!" She looked over to the EMT. "He hit his head. Hard. It's not the first time."

The EMT nodded at her and yelled over his shoulder. "Vinny! Get back here, possible concussion!"

"I do not have a concussion," Elliot scoffed, clicking his tongue and rolling his eyes. "I should call Tucker, no way in hell am I calling Cragen right now, I mean...how the fuck could he possibly think we planned this?" He narrowed his eyes. "Liv, you don't think...this couldn't have been him."

Olivia stared into his eyes, curious and nervous, and watched the other EMT practically drag Elliot up into the truck. "I don't...I don't know," she shrugged.

"Lean back," the EMT told her, and he pulled her shirt up a bit. He pressed along her stomach and asked if anything hurt, and when she said no, he turned around to grab a small machine. "Portable USM," he said, "Stay still."

Elliot smirked as he waved off the EMT's attempts at looking into his eyes. "We get to see the baby? Now?"

"Hopefully," the young man said as he hooked up the wires and controls. "This is a new little gizmo, so I don't know exactly what I'm doing."

"Detective Stabler, please, stop moving and look at me," the EMT by Elliot said, and he was given a harsh growl but got his patient to cooperate. "Dilating normally," he said, "Do you feel nauseated?"

"Yeah, but not because I got hit in the head," Elliot cracked, and he shoved the man out of the way and leaned forward, taking Olivia's hand as the tiny monitor showed them their baby was perfectly fine. He wiped Olivia's newly fallen tears as his own rolled down his cheeks. He kissed her and whispered, "We did that."

She laughed and nodded, squeezed his hand, and said, "Yeah, we did."

"Baby's moving around, with a good strong heartbeat," the EMT said with a grin. "Do either of you feel any pain anywhere, at all?"

"No," Olivia said, sitting up and pulling her shirt down as the EMT pulled the ultrasound away from her. "El?"

"My head hurts, but I don't have a concussion," Elliot said, and he hopped down out of the ambulance. "Like I said, I'm going to call Tucker, and I'm going to tell him to meet us down here. I think I know who's been helping him."

Olivia got out of the vehicle, too, walking with him toward the crowd that Alex had been questioning, and she asked, "Who?"

He grabbed her hand, pulled her to him, and he let out a long, slow breath. "Kathy."

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"What are you…" Ed Tucker squinted and squeezed the bridge of his nose. He had already had a horrible evening, between the chaos at the courthouse and taking two of his detectives to the hospital for what seemed like the thousandth time, so he was in no mood to listen to Elliot babble. "Slow down, tell me again, from the beginning, why you could possibly think…"

Elliot spun around quickly, directing an incredibly serious stare at the older man. "I know who she is," he said fast.

Tucker froze. "What?" he choked. He thought of Olivia and his heart broke. "You know she's…"

"I don't know her personally, but I realized that I know who she is," Elliot interrupted. "She went to high school with us. Me and Liv. We ran in the same circle but she was hardly a friend. Man, she had it bad for me even though I never even knew her name. She would stare at me in the halls, came to all of my football games, kept hanging around even after I got serious with Liv. I remember…" he squinted, recalling something foggy and trying with all of his might to pull it up from the cavernous depth of his obliviously fractured memory. "She was..." his curious eyes flickered and then he smirked. "She was at the hospital when Liv had Maureen, she showed up at her Christening, I mean..." He tugged on his jacket cuffs, shaking his head. "The more I think about her, the more I realize I think she...I think she's been stalking us."

Tucker bit his lip, more nervous now than when he thought Elliot had regained his memory. He was worried, though, that it was coming back to him now, since he remembered Kathy, in some way. "Elliot, come on, stalking is not a…"

Raising a hand, he spat out a fast statement that he knew stalking wasn't a provable crime. "But harassment is," he said, and he tossed an old flip phone onto the table. "Liv's old phone, I remember...we had to get her a new one, change her number because someone kept leaving threatening messages. A woman."

Tucker tilted his head, and he did remember Olivia giving him a new cell phone number a year ago. He never asked why.

Elliot rubbed a hand down his face. "I added a new line to our plan but I never got around to disconnecting this one." He shrugged. "She never let me listen to them, and I never had a reason to dig this out and do it...until now." He waved the phone at Tucker once. "This is why I needed you to swing by the house, you...I think we both need to hear this."

Tucker watched with anxious eyes as Elliot pulled a phone charger out of his pocket and untangled the cord, plugged in the phone, and hit the power button. "Um, are you...are you telling me you think Kathy was the one…"

Elliot silenced Tucker by tapping in Olivia's old voicemail passcode, hit the speaker button, and tilted his head. Kathy's voice filled the small room, her words were vile and threatening, telling Olivia to stay away from Elliot or she would be sorry. He looked over at Tucker, almost as shocked as he was, and he said, "That's her, isn't it? Go ahead, tell me I'm crazy now."

"This is one voicemail," Tucker said, trying to cover up that he knew the real reason that Kathy might've left such a message, and that it was justifiable in its own right.

"Yeah?" Elliot tossed the phone toward Tucker, who caught it and nodded once at him. He held out a hand, palm up, as if to silently say, "See for yourself."

Tucker heaved a heavy sigh and dropped his eyes toward the now almost ancient device, and he fumbled his way through hitting buttons and scrolling through text messages and voicemail notifications. He gasped, his eyes wide with surprise and realization. He knew the truth, that Kathy had every right to be jealous and possessive of Elliot, but the messages truly were stepping over the thinly drawn line between jealousy and harassment. He blinked once and something clicked, like the last jigsaw piece latching to its neighbors. Maybe there was something to Elliot's theory after all. "Okay," he licked his lips and dropped the phone back to the table, keeping his palm over it. "What else you got? Besides the, uh, colorful communication, here?"

As he spoke, listing the reasonable versions of his perceived facts, he counted them on his fingers. "She was there the first time I was run over; she was the one who called the cops when I hit the ground; she ran into the hospital room with Liv when I woke up and said something about taking my kids to her sister's house; she has been calling Liv, I don't know how she fucking got her new number; she's been calling the fucking house," he paused, gritted his teeth, and raised one finger on his other hand. "And she's showed up here, where Liv and I work, unannounced, twice!"

"Cassidy was the one that ran you over," Tucker reminded him, stopping his rant. "We know he was paid off, lied to, and he was ordered to do it by…"

"Dig deeper!" Elliot yelled, jutting a finger in Tucker's direction. "I fucking guarantee you, this woman has a connection to the whole damn thing!" He darted his darkened eyes toward the glass window, spotting Olivia lost in conversation with Munch, and he exhaled slowly in an effort to calm down. "Cragen claims he was looking for proof of something, but he took Morales and Hastings with him. Tech guys? Hastings told me...he had a warrant. He got a judge to sign off on a warrant to search an apartment we haven't even been on the same street as in ten damned years." He bowed his head and said, "Don Cragen, as long as I've known him, has thought of me as a son. So he says." He shrugged, "And Olivia as a daughter. He would never hurt either of us, and he tells me that's what he was doing? I can't accept that."

Tucker shook his head and made a negatory humming noise. "I'm sorry, Elliot, but he did. He already admitted…"

"I think he was blackmailed," Elliot folded his arms and lifted his head again, letting his look return to Tucker's concerned face. "I think that Kathy has some kind of connection to something Cragen wanted, and the only way to get it from her was to do her a favor and try to take me out, which would have left Liv unprotected. He knew I wouldn't have been killed, but me not being in the field with Liv...would have left her wide open for someone to kill her. Which is what I think this blonde bitch wanted." He chuckled. "I know it sounds insane, but my gut is never wrong. And right now...my gut is telling me that Cragen isn't trying to kill me, or hurt Liv, but that he's trying to find...her father."

Tucker leaned back in his chair, completely bewildered. Elliot, though his calculations and explanations were way off base, had reached the right conclusion. "You are...a fucking brilliant detective." He folded his arms and curled his hands around the sleeves of his forest green suit, amazed at what he'd just witnessed, and even more astonished at the sheer intellect and emotion Elliot had been exhibiting. "But how...how do you figure that?"

Elliot tugged on his tie, arrogance washing over him at the compliment he was just given. He waved his hands wildly as he spoke, and his voice inflected as if he was telling the greatest story ever told. "Hypothetically, okay? Hear me out. Kathy has information about Liv's father somehow, okay? She knows everyone in this unit has been looking for the bastard for years, makes an anonymous call to Cragen. Jumping at the chance to find out the truth, he reaches into a washed-out budgeting account from his patrol days and yanks out a few grand. Then, he tells Cassidy, who is so fucking eager to please he'd eat off his own hand if the captain asked him to, that some huge trafficker is looking for dirty cops to bring into the ring, and the only way to nail the prick is to take me out of commission and get himself pulled into it." He had a gleam in his eyes that shone and refracted, making them look like sapphires in the small interview room.

Tucker nodded, following, and almost believing him.

"Kathy," Elliot said with a grimace, "Was probably watching the house, saw Cassidy hit me and take off, and she called 911 to give herself the good samaritan vibe, get me?" He licked his lips and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Since Liv is already at work, Kathy follows the ambulance...now, remember, she wants Liv out of the picture so she can get to me, so she wants to make sure I'm okay. She gets to the hospital and waits around outside, hoping to take advantage of Liv in a panicked, weakened state, but Liv shows up with Fin and Cragen, not alone. There goes her chance, right?"

"I'll be damned," Tucker leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, dropped his chin into his palms, and gave an impressed grunt.

Taking it as a sign to go on, Elliot continued. "Since I'm totally fine, Liv isn't left alone for a single fucking second. Unfortunately for Kathy, she's already given Cragen whatever dirt she had on Liv's father, and whatever it is, it leads him to that old apartment. He can't tell us the truth because he knows we'll fucking demand to help with the investigation, but we can't because, fuck, conflict of interest." He shrugged and huffed almost victoriously. "He can't tell us the truth because then he's implicated in a conspiracy to commit murder, taking bribes, and withholding evidence. He thinks the only way out of it is to give me some bullshit story about needing my spot at SVU vacated, and him trying to prove that I'm cheating on my wife or whatever the fuck he said to us, so that we stay as far away from him as possible...giving him the chance to track down the son-of-a-bitch who raped Serena Benson without her daughter and son-in-law getting in the way." He paused. "Or killing him."

Tucker let out a very long, harsh breath and then looked into Elliot's eyes. "You think Kathy took matters into her own hands, she got tired of waiting, so she followed you two to the courthouse and mowed you down herself."

Elliot nodded slowly. "Alex...Alex pushed Liv out of the way. Liv grabbed me out of sheer habit, but the car…" he stopped, his voice lost grip and his lip trembled. The confident declaration gave way to the release of tension, pain, fear, and confusion he'd been holding in for hours. "The car wouldn't have hit me. I was too far to the right, you know? Whoever was driving...wanted to hit her. They wanted to kill my wife and our...our child." He took a shaky breath and dug the fingers of one hand into both of his eyes. "And you people wonder why I get headaches."

Tucker got out of his seat, moved forward, and for the first time in what seemed like ages, pulled Elliot into a brotherly hug. "Take her home, spend the night with your kids, that dickhead brother of yours, and that...beautiful, lucky baby that the two of you…"

"Ed?" Elliot stopped Tucker's warm sentiments and looked at him with suddenly dry eyes. When Tucker nodded at him, he said, "Don't...don't tell her. Not...not until we find out if I'm right. No point in getting her all worked up, not when she's…" he smiled. "Pregnant. We're having a baby."

"Yeah, man," Tucker laughed and slapped Elliot's back once. "You are." He nodded. "Go." He watched Elliot leave and then eyed the cell phone still on the table. Everything Elliot had said resonated and reverberated in his head. Some of the details were very wrong, but what if everything else was exactly right?

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"Why the hell am I here?" Kathy asked, rubbing her eyes. She looked up, a concerned look on her face, and she bit her lip. "Someone said something about Elliot and Olivia being hurt, are they..."

"They're just fine," Fin said, cutting her off, and he made a disbelieving face when she seemed upset by this news.

"You own a Ninety-Seven Buick LeSabre?" Munch asked, looking down at a small, spiral notebook. He briefly thanked God that Alex Cabot had legible handwriting, because most lawyers he knew didn't. "Majestic Teal, plate number X-K-V-dash-seven-four-two-five?"

Kathy squinted her eyes as she dropped her hands to the metal table. "It's my father's car, he stores it in our garage. What is this about?"

"Eyewitness puts that vehicle at the site of an attempted murder," Fin spat, leaning forward. He threw down a few photographs and said, "So does the traffic camera down the street from the courthouse."

"Attempted…" Kathy looked at the photos, seeing in them that Elliot and Olivia really were just fine. "I told you," she looked up at Fin. "It's my father's car. Maybe he...he's mad at Elliot for breaking his little girl's heart, the man is…"

Fin slapped another photo in front of her, silencing her. He jammed a finger down onto the glossy print. "That don't look like your daddy."

Kathy gasped and one hand flew to her mouth. In spite of the sunglasses and hat, it was obviously, clearly her behind the wheel. "Damn it," she hissed, and she pounded the side of a balled fist against the table, making it shake and jostling the pictures. "Where is he?" she asked, and she thrust out a hand toward the glass to her left. "Behind the mirror? Is he watching this?" She turned and threw her hands up. "Okay, Elliot! Joke's over! We're even!"

Munch shook his head and chuckled. "No way," he said. "He isn't back there. He took Liv and the kids to his mother's house for the weekend."

Kathy frowned and raked her long fingers through her blonde hair. "No, that...he doesn't really…" she looked at Munch. "He hasn't seen his mother in months. Why would he…" she swallowed hard. "He took Olivia to see his mother?"

Munch nodded. "They left last night, after…" he pointed to the pictures. "He doesn't even know you're here talking to us."

"Does he know…" she lowered her head and sniffled, beginning to tear up, the reality of what was happening hit her a bit too hard too fast. "You told him, right? Of course, you fucking told him. He knows it was me?"

Fin nodded. "Yeah," he said, and he shifted his chair forward a bit. "He actually figured it out before any of us did. He knew it was you before we got the trace on the plates or these pictures." He leaned into Kathy, and as gently as he could, he said, "But he thinks it's because you're some kind of stalker. He still doesn't remember…"

"God, that's why I did it!" she yelled, sobbing. "I know we were already halfway to a divorce, I know he was already in love with her, but, shit, Fin! He doesn't remember me! I can only see my kids...my children...mine, not hers...for a few hours after school, or when they have to work late!"

"Liv said that was your idea," Munch spoke, tilting his head. "Isn't that what you wanted? She told us you were being great about…"

Kathy yelled again. "I had no other choice! God, I took what I could get, thinking he'd snap out of it! When he didn't...when it got worse... I just wanted it to stop!" Kathy spat. She shook her head and pulled her blue windbreaker tighter around her and leaned her elbows down onto the table. "I thought if I hit her...she'd be out of the way, but I knew she'd grab him on the way down. God, I thought he'd hit his head and maybe...get it all back, but I…" tears were running down her cheeks, her mouth was opening and closing quickly, and she shook her head. "I don't understand how any of this happened."

Fin looked up at Munch, hoping he realized what Kathy had just said, too. They had her, but they needed to get everything. He cleared his throat and licked his lips. "Maybe it had something to do with what you know about Liv's father and how you blackmailed Cragen into making it happen." He waited, but Kathy's expression didn't change, and for a moment, he thought Elliot's crazy theory wouldn't pan out.

Slowly, Kathy turned her head toward Fin. Her crying stopped, her eyes went cold, and her lips tightened into a thin line. "How the hell did you know about that? He say something to you?"

Fin's eyes widened, he glanced at Munch again, and then took a deep breath. They were going to be here for a while.

A state away, Bernie Stabler sat at her kitchen table, passing around a plate of homemade cookies. She shot a sneaky glance over to her son, Nathan, and winked at him, a silent "thank you" for filling her in on all that had happened, all that had been said and done since the last time they'd spoken, so the weekend wouldn't be awkward.

It had come as a surprise, Elliot calling and planning the weekend with her, something he so rarely did. But seeing him with Olivia and the children, now, made her realize why. She and Kathy never really got along, and the tension between them only mounted on top of the tension hanging between Kathy and Elliot. He had never wanted his mother to see his family miserable, the way it had been before things had so suddenly and drastically changed, so he stayed away. Now that he was happy, and had no memory of ever being otherwise, he needed his mother to be a part of it all. She jerked herself out of her sweet reverie when Olivia's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Yes, dear?" She turned to look at the striking woman who was now her daughter-in-law.

"Thank you," Olivia whispered, "For being so...understanding. For accepting all of this. Me. The...the baby." She shrugged and said, "I know the last time we spoke, I said this could all be temporary but...I'm pretty sure you're stuck with me now." She laughed and saw Bernie chuckle back at her. "I haven't mentioned any of this to my mother, yet, but I doubt she's going to be as thrilled. You don't know me that well, and you've…"

Bernie held up a hand, stopping her. "Olivia, despite my son never having mentioned much to you about me, he told me nearly everything about you," she explained as she grinned. She rested a hand on Olivia's shoulder and squeezed gently. "I could tell by the sound of his voice, the way he always said your name, the way he would laugh when he told me your stories...I knew he was in love with you." She shrugged and looked over at Elliot, who was making the cookies dance and sing for his children, and she chuckled again. "I haven't seen him so happy in so long, and if pretending this is how it's always been is something that I have to do to keep him this happy, then I am very glad to do it. Besides, I'd rather forget most of the things he's forgotten, in the first place."

Olivia smiled at her and gave her a small hug, and she gave a surprised yip when Bernie made more of it. Her eyes closed and she sighed, finding comfort in Bernie's embrace.

Elliot looked up at that moment, his heart swelling and thumping hard against his chest at the sight. "Hey, Mom," he called and he waited until both Bernie and Olivia were looking at him. "Would you, uh…" he handed the cookie between his fingers to Dickie, who happily chomped on it. "Would you mind if we came to visit more often? I think…" he swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, cleared it away, and said, "A couple weekends a month?"

Bernie couldn't help the tears or the cry that came from her as he spoke. "Elliot, you are more than welcome to come by whenever you want." She looked at Nathan, who smirked and shrugged at her, and then back to Olivia. "You...you angel, you really have given them back to me, haven't you?" She hugged Olivia again and kissed her cheek. She gave Olivia a soft shove, telling her to go sit next to Elliot, and she took a seat across from them.

Before Olivia could drop into the chair completely, her phone rang. She rolled her eyes and stood back up, answering the call as Elliot sent the kids upstairs to wash up and get ready for bed. "Benson," she said, taking a few steps away from the table. Her voice dropped when she heard the caller speak. "No, I...I wasn't sure, but Elliot, um, he knew. He told Tucker everything. Even with his screwed up memory, he figured it out." She looked over his shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me? You let me think that you…"

"Who is it?" Elliot wrapped his arms around her, his hands moving over her belly, and he kissed her neck softly.

She leaned back into him and spoke into the phone. "I wouldn't have ever done anything like that. You know that. I need to...I don't know how you expect me to trust you after…" she stiffened and her head popped up from its place against Elliot's warm body. "What? No, I can't drag her into this, she's been sober for almost a year and this will only…" she turned her head and looked at Elliot over her shoulder, a small smile began to spread across her face. She moved her phone just slightly and asked, "When did you talk to my mother?"

"Couple days ago," he said, kissing her chin. "I needed her banana bread recipe again. I wrote it down once, can't fucking find it." He kissed the end of her nose. "She...she said the weirdest thing to me, I didn't even remember until now, she...she asked if she's allowed to come to the twins' birthday party. Why wouldn't she...I mean, things haven't always been great, but they've been pretty good lately. I told her of course she…"

Her lips stopped his words, her kiss silenced his voice. She'd just found out that Elliot's casual conversation had mended a rift that she'd thought was irreparable. Confused, Serena had called Cragen. He'd explained, delicately leaving out a few choice details, his way of apologizing. For everything. She ran the pad of her thumb over Elliot's reddened lips as she backed away and then said, "I love you."

"I love you, too," he breathed, dazed and grinning stupidly at her.

She turned her attention back to Cragen's emotion-filled phone call and said, "Okay, yeah, I will...I will talk to her. I know you will. Cap?" She paused and closed her eyes, sinking back into Elliot's thick, strong frame. "Thank you." She hung up and dropped her head backward, and then dragged her fingers up and down Elliot's arms. "That was Cragen."

"I figured that out," he chuckled, and he kissed the top of her head. "What did he want? I thought we had the weekend off because, oh yeah, we were almost hit by a fucking car."

She rolled her eyes and laughed softly, then turned herself around in his arms. "Fin and Munch, um...they brought Kathy in for questioning. You were right, she was trying to…" she stopped herself as she thought " _get her life back"_ and opted for a much less traumatic phrase. "She was trying to kill me, and the baby...to get to you."

His eyes narrowed. "Tell me," he whispered, holding her tighter. "You said something about your father?"

Olivia cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "She hired a private investigator, a long time ago, who was following me. Us. For months. He didn't give her anything useful, nothing she could use to…"

"Nothing is ever going to tear us apart, even if she found something, baby, it wouldn't have…" he stopped to choke back an emotion he wasn't sure why he was feeling. "We would have worked it out." He kissed her softly.

She smiled at him, nodding, and said, "El, she...she did dig up something pretty...important." She blinked at him. "You were right."

"She found out who your father is," he said, but the look in her eyes told him he was wrong. "No?" He squinted and tilted his head.

"Not who," she said to him, her hands still running in long loops along his arms. "Just where. That's why Cragen ransacked my...our old apartment. This PI got in, somehow. Maybe he was pretending to be a plumber or electrician or something and I...we let him in, and he was planning to set up cameras but he found out that the place was already bugged. Had been for years. That's what Kathy told Cragen, and that's why the tech guys were tearing the place apart. They were obviously dead, I mean...they'd been there so long, but the serial numbers were traced back to a police department in Yonkers. My father...was a…"

"Cop," Elliot said, and his brow furrowed as something else clicked. A memory he had been trying to bring to complete light for days finally started playing back in high definition. A conversation overheard between Cragen and Tucker, a mention of Olivia's mother and a file that had been buried in a cabinet by the previous sergeant. "Baby, uh…" he swept his hands over her slight bump. "You...you told him you'd talk to your mother? And ask her what? She's already told us…"

"He wants to know if she'd be willing to look at a few photographs," she interjected, bringing her hands up to cup his face. "There were partial prints on the bugs, three different people. Cragen thinks one of them…" she took a breath. "One of them could be him. After all this time, he might be…"

It was his turn to stop her with a kiss. He smiled against her lips. "I love you," he told her. "And no matter what happens, we find him, we don't, I'm going to be right here, with you." He kissed her again and pulled her phone out of her hand. He smacked her ass and laughed against her lips. "You want to go up and start to tuck in our kids? I'll be up in a minute."

She kissed him again and nodded and met Bernie and Nathan at the landing, climbing the stairs with them. Elliot watched them all fade from view as he dialed, knowing he had to use Olivia's phone because his own call would go unanswered. "No, it's…me. Don't hang up! I know I was...I'm sorry, I really am, but you know I was right, and I know...I know why you were trying so hard to push us away until you found him, but I...Cap, I need to do this for her." He squeezed his eyes shut. "Cap, please," he inhaled and exhaled slowly as he opened his eyes. "I need to know who her mother picks out of that pile, and I...she's my wife, this is something that has haunted her for as long as I can remember and it's my job to...yes! It is! My job! Mine!" He shook his head as he tried to calm down. "I know you do, and I know it's why you've fucking waited so long to do this, but I need to be the one that takes this asshole down. If you…" he smiled. "Thank you." He ended the call and started his ascent to the bedrooms to help the love of his life put their children to bed.

He was halfway up the stairs when a photo on the wall caught his eye, and he stared at it, confused. "Liv?" He yelled a bit louder. "Liv, what the hell is this?" He pulled the frame off the wall, his heart hammering in his chest, his palms sweating. "Olivia!"

Bernie and Olivia ran fast, stopping halfway down the steps. Olivia froze, watching Elliot as he stared at the picture. "That's…" she turned to Bernie and lowered her voice. "Nate told me you got rid of the pictures of Kathy before we…"

"I did," Bernie cut her off and nodded. "You know I did, and nothing made me happier." She spoke louder as she stared at her son. "What are you doing, sweetheart."

Elliot flipped the frame around and hopped up the steps. "Who is this?" He held the photo out to Olivia.

Olivia looked at the picture, it was of her and Elliot at some awards dinner, each holding up a plaque. "Um, baby, that's you…" she said, pointing down at the photo with a sarcastically explanatory expression on her face, "And that's me. Did you...you didn't hit your head again, did you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Behind us, baby," he spat, tapping the glass. "Who is that?" He was pointing to a man in a suit, holding a cigar in one hand and a glass of brown liquor in the other. He was staring at them, almost proudly, but with a hint of disdain in his eyes. "Do you know him?"

Olivia bit her lip and shook her head. "Should I? Do you?"

Elliot stared at the picture, trying to place his face, wondering why it startled him so badly. "I think…" he squinted. "I need to make another phone call."

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"You shouldn't be here," Cragen ran a dry and weathered hand down his face and coughed once. "Kathy's in holding, a few doors away, and if you see her…"

"I don't give a fucking fuck if the Pope and Jesus are out there sitting on my desk," Elliot fumed as he paced back and forth in his captain's office. "Who the hell is that?" He pointed at the photo he had slammed down onto Cragen's desk a moment ago. "You need to tell me who he is, because…"

"That is Joe Costello, high rank out of the Thirty-Ninth," Cragen said, his eyes narrow and concerned. "Retired six years ago, now why the hell was this so important that you had to…"

"Cap," Elliot stopped pacing and slapped both of his hands down on Cragen's desk, staring at the older man with pained eyes and a wicked scowl on his face. "Put his picture in the stack you show Serena."

Cragen let out a disbelieving laugh and leaned back in his cushioned chair. He folded his arms, wrinkling his stiff cotton shirt, and he shook his head. "You hit your head again?"

"I can't explain it, okay? But seeing his face…" Elliot licked his lips and took a breath. "I was walking up the stairs at my mother's house, something about him caught my eye, and I swear on my life...on the life of my child...he's been following us. Me and Liv, I mean." He sniffed the stale office air and made a face as he fished around in his pocket for his wallet. He flipped through his photos, past school pictures of his kids, and then tapped one before holding it out to Cragen. "You still think I'm making this up?"

Cragen took the wallet, rolling his eyes, and he expected to shrug it off, expected to see another police event that Costello would have had every reason to attend, but his eyes slit as he saw the photo. His finger ran over Olivia's smiling face as he asked, "Where was this taken?" He looked up at Elliot. "When?"

"Two years ago," Elliot replied. "Maureen's birthday party, at the zoo, so tell me, why the hell was he there?" He ran his hands through his hair as he shouted, "I don't know why I am just fucking realizing this, maybe it is because I took a few whacks to the head, okay? But, shit, he is lurking in the background of a million pictures…" he licked his lips one more time, crossed his arms, and lowered his voice. "I think it's him. I think that's her father."

Cragen had to admit, the fear and conviction in Elliot's eyes were genuine and absolute. "All right, son," he said, picking up the receiver of his office phone. "I will have HR send up his rookie shot, I'll add it to the stack when I talk to Liv's mom, tomorrow." He dropped the receiver to his shoulder and softened his harsh gaze. "Go home, get some sleep." He nodded once at him and then indicated the phone in his hand. "I'll take care of this."

Elliot nodded back, turned and left Cragen's office, but he had no intention of going home. He ignored the people who tried to say hi to him, he breezed right by younger officers attempting to meet him. He turned quickly and punched open the stairwell door, immediately speeding up the steps, leaving nothing but a blur of blue and grey in his wake. There was something he needed to do. It was something he didn't trust Cragen to handle at all, something he had to take care of himself, and he saw it through.

An hour and a half later, he walked through the door of his house in Queens. He closed it almost silently, took a heaving breath, and looked around the living room as he pulled off his coat. He hung it on the rack as he stepped further into the space, something about it feeling unfamiliar and too comfortable at once. He narrowed his eyes as he focused his sight on a photo on the wall, and he ran toward it with a determined gait.

He grabbed the frame and pulled it off of the hook, flipped it over, and smiled. He ran a hand down the writing on the back panel, Olivia's swirly script.

"What are you doing?" Her voice broke into his thoughts, though his thoughts were only about her. She pulled her robe tighter around her as she walked closer to him. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Do you remember this?" He held up the frame, back facing her, his goofy grin still firmly set on his face.

As she took a few more steps toward him, she tilted her head. "Yeah," she whispered, barely recalling the day he asked her to write the note on the cardboard panel. "What even made you think about…"

"I was at the station," he told her. "I had to talk to Cragen, and then I got caught up in

TARU talking to Kennedy about something...something important...and he said...almost this exact thing. I remembered the day we took this picture, it started raining, and you told me your mother always used to tell you that when it rained, an angel was crying. She used to tell you…"

"Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water," she quoted, remembering that exact moment. She nodded and wrapped her hand around his, holding the frame with him. "It's how she taught me that it was okay to cry." Her eyes popped open wider and she looked at him. "Why would Kennedy tell you that? Were you crying?"

He shook his head and kissed her softly. "No, no, I just…" he stopped talking and pressed his lips to her forehead. "We were just talking." He took the frame out of her hands and moved to rehang it, and he spent a moment looking at the picture: a self-timed photo of the two of them dancing in the rain after getting caught in a shower in the middle of a case. It had been a much-needed break from the gruesome situation, and one that, as he recalled, had been quite romantic.

Olivia combed through her hair with her fingers and asked, "Are you okay?"

Again, he nodded, and he surprised her by swooping her up into his arms. He carried her up the stairs and into the bedroom, and as he lay her on the bed, he whispered, "You know I'm never going to be the reason you cry, don't you?" He kissed her softly as he pulled on the tie of her robe. "Never," he repeated, the sound landing on her lips. He quickly peeled off his clothes, never tearing his lips away from hers for a moment.

"Baby, I know," she said against his lips. She pulled herself away from him and looked into his eyes. "You have a headache, don't you?"

He bit his lip and nodded, reached over her to turn off the light on the bedside table, and wrapped himself around her. He pulled the covers over them, kissed her again, and whispered, "I love you." Dragging one hand down to her slightly swelling belly, he said, "Both of you."

"I love you, too," she replied softly, and in an instant, sleep won them over.

The alarm blared them into consciousness far too soon, and what had become their routine began just as instantly. They took a quick, hot shower together, got dressed in coordinating suits, and Olivia made and packed lunches while Elliot made and served breakfast.

"Nate," Elliot garbled with a mouthful of toast, "Don't run any lights, I can't get you out of any more tickets."

Nathan rolled his eyes. "No promises, other than I'll get the little whippersnappers to school alive and on time." He patted his brother on the back, kissed Olivia on the cheek, and said, "You two...come home in one piece, hear me?"

Olivia nodded at him as she and Elliot took turns kissing all of the kids goodbye.

There was something about the way he drove toward the station, a wave of anger in his eyes that gave her pause. She waited in silence until he got them over the bridge, but then she had to ask him. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Fine," he said to her, and he shifted in his seat a bit. "Just a little tense. I know last night...I had a headache, but this morning...we usually get to…"

"El," she chuckled, "Trust me, you're not the only one feeling a bit of frustration right now." She rubbed her stomach and said, "This baby isn't just making me crave ice cream and tacos, you know."

He laughed and blew her a kiss. "Nate's taking the kids to the movies, tonight, so, uh, we'll have a couple of hours to ourselves." He wagged his brows, and as he pulled the car into his parking spot at the station, he said, "I am going to blow your mind, Benson." He parked and shot her a smoky look.

"Oh, really?" she raised an eyebrow as she unhooked her seatbelt. "That a promise or a threat, Stabler?"

"Both," he growled, and he leaned over the console, pulled her closer to him, and kissed her deeply. He sighed, then, keeping his head pressed to hers. "You know, baby, once they bring your mother down here, we have to…"

"Clock out, I know," she nodded, rubbing against him. "I'm not leaving her alone, El. I can't."

"I already cleared it with Cragen," he told her as he opened the car door. "We can stay in the lounge, but as far as the investigation goes…" he shrugged and hit the button on the fob, locking the car and setting the alarm. "We're hands-off."

"Yeah," she shoved her hands in her pockets and walked with him into the building.

They nodded politely at the people they passed, rode the elevator up huddled together in comfortable silence, and just before they stepped out of it, he kissed her slowly. He winked at her before saying, "I'll be right back," and he headed right for Cragen's office. He knocked but didn't wait for permission before opening the door.

"Have you lost your…" Cragen stopped yelling when he saw the look on Elliot's face. "What happened?" His stomach lurched, and he prayed that what was running through his head was wrong. He couldn't take Elliot remembering anything now, not when Olivia and her child were at stake. "Elliot, talk to me."

"When is she…" Elliot paused and cleared his throat. "My mother-in-law, uh, when did you tell her to be here?"

"Four-thirty," Cragen answered. "You and Liv either need to go home or…"

"We're staying upstairs," he affirmed. "Off duty, but still...we can't just leave her down here alone, knowing this is the one thing that could drive her to drink." He shook his head and said, "I promised Liv a long time ago, I would do everything in my power to keep her mother sober, and damn it, with the new baby…" he sat down and looked at Cragen with tears in his eyes. "This is her chance to get it right from the beginning. This time, she won't get trashed and sing 'Happy Birthday' in Swedish, or get up and give a toast that's more insulting than anything else." He licked his lips and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "One year, she, uh...she sent Kathleen a bottle of vodka for her birthday. I would rather we all forget that than relive it. Things have been...really good for us."

Cragen held back the confusion, the wonder and questions of validity, but he sighed and leaned forward. "I did what you asked, kid. Costello's picture is in the pile, but I'm pretty sure she's not going to pick him out of the…"

"I'm pretty sure she will," Elliot interrupted. He dropped his head into his hand and exhaled, his right knee bouncing nervously.

Cragen sat up then, straight and stunned. He knew there was something hidden in Elliot's expression. "What aren't you telling me?"

Elliot looked over his shoulder, peeking through the small window of Cragen's door to see Olivia lost in conversation with Munch and Fin. "Last night, um, I asked someone upstairs to run Costello's name through the system," he confessed, and his left hand swiped over his forehead as he let out an almost self-effacing laugh as he said, "And when nothing came up I asked him to...look a little harder." He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a folded, stapled packet of papers. "I shouldn't have read this, I know that, but Cap…" he sniffled, now letting himself break, letting himself cry the way Kennedy had told him to do the night before, "Did you know, uh, Costello isn't even his real name?"

"Elliot," Cragen's voice was low, almost admonishing. "What the hell gave you the right…"

"He changed it after his mom got remarried," Elliot continued, ignoring Cragen's annoyance. "His stepfather had connections and could pull strings for him, get him into the police academy because when he applied the first time, he was turned down. The first time, he used his real name, and he was disqualified because he had a record." He turned his eyes sharply toward Cragen. "Two counts of assault, one attempted rape, and he was a suspect in three others," he said, and he wiped his eyes. "This son of a bitch changed his name and had someone in his fucking stepfather's circle of friends…"

"What was his name, Elliot?" Cragen asked, his eyes closing. He knew. In the pit of his stomach, he had a feeling he knew.

Elliot sniffled and dragged his wrist over his eyes as he threw the papers at Cragen. "His name was Joseph Hollister," he said. "Before he bought his way into the police academy, he worked for a wholesale food supply company. He delivered food to school cafeterias, and fuck, Cap, one of the places on his route was Columbia University!" He held up a hand, apologizing for yelling, and he took a deep breath to calm himself down. "That's him."

Cragen nodded, rose from his seat, and stepped out from behind his desk. "We'll find out, okay, but you need to relax. You have to go out there, and until half-past-four, you have a job to do. Get your head in the game."

Elliot nodded, stood up, and took another deep breath. He exhaled and looked at Cragen. "If I'm right," he said, and he looked over his shoulder again, seeing Olivia now at her desk, on the phone, writing something down. "I changed my mind. If it's him, I can't be the one that brings him in." He turned back to Cragen. "Because I will kill him."

"You couldn't be, anyway," Cragen sighed. "Go, don't give her any reason to think you're in here quitting or something."

Elliot narrowed his eyes and asked a silent question.

Cragen smirked as he said, "You didn't tell her."

Shaking his head, Elliot told him, "I don't want to be wrong. I'll tell her all of this...when we find out the truth." He closed his eyes, almost pleadingly. "She needs the truth, Cap."

"We all do," Cragen said, and he watched Elliot leave as he realized he had to do this for Elliot, for Olivia, and for Serena. It was all he could do to make up for the lie he'd been telling for years.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	20. Chapter 20

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

"Well," Olivia's shaking breath almost stopped the word from being audible. She tossed a photograph and a folder down onto the shoddy wooden table in front of her and dragged both hands down her face before letting them fall into her lap. "At least...now, we know."

Elliot drapes one arm over her shoulders as the other hand stroked over her blue suit jacket. "Yeah," he whispered.

"Munch text you yet? I want to go home," she said with exhaustion lacing her words.

Munch had taken Serena down to the lobby for a cup of coffee and fresh air after the painful conversation he'd forced her to have. A conversation that had ended with finally finding closure and getting the name of the man that raped her, fathered her child, and caused years of grief and pain for her and Olivia.

"Not yet," Elliot whispered, kissing her sweetly. He waited a moment and then brought up the one thing they'd been avoiding. "I know...the statute of limitations has been up for decades, but...there's a million other reasons to bring him in if...if you want to talk…"

"Talk to him?" She scoffed and shook her head, her eyes dropping back to the eight by ten glossy staring up at her from the table. "I don't want to talk to him," she whispered. She rubbed her lips together as she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. "He came to your...our…" and her eyes narrowed. "Why?" The question was a bare breath.

She reached for the file again, confused, her mind racing as fast as her heart as she flipped through its pages. "Why the hell...I wasn't…" she bit her lip. "This doesn't make any sense. He was there for...a lot of things he had no reason to be..." she broke off and shook her head.

"He knew about you," he said softly, kissing her temple. He pulled the folder out of her hands and threw it as far down the table as he could. He shifted closer to her on the lumpy couch, heaving a heavy sigh, and he dropped his head to hers. "Baby, he was following you. Us. Bugged the old apartment after we got married…" he inhaled sharply. "That's how he knew about christenings and birthday parties and why…" he closed his eyes and pulled her tighter to him. "Why he has always just fucking shown up in places he shouldn't have been."

Olivia exhaled, the tightening in her chest causing her lungs to burn as she fell further into him. "He knew where I was going to be, when, who I was with…" she turned, her fingers curling around the lapels of his blue suit jacket. "He knew...he knew about you...how I felt about you...the whole time."

Elliot nodded, twisting to kiss her. "He's known everything, from the moment we met, and he…" he expelled a scoffing laugh and rubbed her arm. "He told Tucker that...he never wanted to get personally involved, he just wanted to make sure you were safe. That you were happy."

Olivia took a deep breath, staying still and quiet for the briefest of moments. The electric hum of the neon lights in the staff lounge was the only noise, the sage green walls closing in around them. Suddenly something registered, a realization struck her like lightning and she shot up off of Elliot with a deep gasp and wide eyes.

"Baby?" He asked worriedly, standing. He watched, puzzled, as she practically flew down the stairs. He ran after her and kept her in his sight as she burst into Cragen's office without knocking. He stepped into the small room, panting, his eyes wide, and then he heard her.

"It wasn't you!" She practically yelled. "That bank account...it was inactive for six years! He retired six years ago!" She clawed through her hair as she spouted, "It was him, wasn't it! He knew...he fucking knew how much I loved Elliot! He had my place bugged! He paid Cassidy to hit Elliot, knowing...or hoping that he'd end up forgetting his entire fucking life!" She laughed, it was a bitter and vengeful chuckle, and the hot tears that spilled out of her eyes landed on the shoulders of her blazer. "Fuck, I'm right, aren't I? That's why you were so quick to take the blame! Why you had my apartment searched the minute you got those account records back from…" she shook her head. "You knew."

Cragen's eyes, wide and glossy, bounced from her to Elliot's flummoxed face in the doorway and back again. "Listen to me, I never meant for you to…"

"You were going to keep it from me?" Her eyes narrowed. "You would rather have me believe that you were part of some fucked up scheme to take Elliot down, you'd rather have me lose complete faith in you...than tell me that the man who raped my mother is the one who's responsible for the last…almost a year?"

"Damn it, Olivia, yes!" Cragen shouted.

"Oh, don't you dare fucking yell at her!" Elliot snapped, proving he was paying full attention to the conversation. He stepped up in front of Olivia protectively, raised a threatening finger, and his nostrils flared as he said through a tightly clenched jaw, "She has been through enough tonight, she has every right to be confused and upset!"

Cragen smirked vindictively at Elliot. "She's not confused," he said, and his face fell into his hands as a burdensome weight seemed to fall on his shoulders. He hunched over and said, "She's right. There was no plot to get you out of the station, and there was never any deal between me and...anyone else." He looked toward Olivia, his entire soul cracking at the sight of her emotion battled face and tear stained cheeks. "It was him. He's been doing everything in his power to make up for...how you...um, got here." He shrugged once. "He's actually…" his hand shook rapidly as he pulled open a side drawer of his desk. He pulled out a thick file, opened it up, and shuffled through what seemed like a thousand pages. He gulped as he lifted one single sheet of paper out of the stack and his fingers trembled as he held it out to her. "He's the reason you're in this unit."

Olivia took the paper, read it, and felt her whole world shift again, the way it did ten months ago when Elliot woke up in the hospital thinking she was his wife. She shook her head and fresh tears rolled like boulders out of her eyes and down her cheeks. "You knew...the whole...the whole time." Her head slowly pulled itself up and her pained gaze met Cragen's worried eyes. "You lied to me. To my mother. To Elliot. For almost six years."

"No, I didn't...I didn't know he was your father," Cragen professed. "Not until Elliot barged in here with that photo and his crazy theory last night."

"Wasn't so crazy, was it?" Elliot gritted out, his teeth still gnashing together. He had one arm tightly wrapped around Olivia's hips and the other looped over her shoulder, keeping her braced in front of him, against him.

Cragen let out a soft breath and let his elbows hit the surface of his hardwood desk. "Apparently not," he whispered.

Olivia felt Elliot's lips press to the throbbing pulse at her neck, and she closed her eyes and held in the sob attempting to break through. She swallowed hard again, and then reached down to her hip. Her fingers curled around her badge; it felt colder than it should have under her touch. She pulled it off of her belt, raised it slightly, and then dropped her heavy eyes to it. "My whole life…" she sniffled. "All I ever wanted was this job. This…" she felt an intense burn behind her nose, stinging at her eyes. "This life...a husband I can't and don't want to stop kissing, kids that are as much trouble as they are little angels, this…" her other hand dropped to her stomach and pressed into her swollen skin. "This baby."

Cragen didn't know what he was watching but every single moment of it broke his heart.

Elliot kissed her neck again and whispered, "Me, too, baby."

She let herself smile slightly at his words but she shook her head as the sob finally erupted and her body shook twice with her cries. "All I've ever wanted...I have it all and it's all…" she jerked with another cry. "It's all a fucking lie." She slammed her badge down onto Cragen's desk and ripped herself out of Elliot's hold.

Elliot turned faster than she'd expected, because she did expect him to try to stop her, and he grabbed her arms and yanked her back to him. "None of it is a lie!" he whisper-yelled at her. He found her eyes through the foggy tears and he shook his head firmly. "You are the most amazing woman...the best fucking cop I have ever worked with, and I've worked with a million of them! You are so fucking good at what you do!" He let his palms slide up and press into the sides of her face, his thumbs windshield-wiping away her falling tears. "I love you, more than...more than I think anyone has ever loved another person." His own tears formed and fell, and his voice wavered as he spoke. "Our kids...our amazingly beautiful, talented, angelic little monsters... are smart and funny, happy, healthy mini versions of us, and this baby…" one of his shivering hands trailed down her body and cane to a stop over her belly button. "This miracle... is only more proof that we are exactly where we are meant to be, with each other, and none of it is anything less than the most honest, genuine, pure fucking love in the fucking world."

She watched his lips quiver and felt his body undulating against hers. She sniffled and felt his hands dig deeper into her skin, gripping her even tighter.

"So he wrote a letter, baby, so what?" He swallowed, feeling his ears pop, and he said, "That letter doesn't change the fact that you were the fucking fastest, toughest, strongest rookie in your class...it doesn't change the fact that you rose to the fucking top of the department food chain in less time than anyone else, or that you could have walked into any damn unit in the city, pointed to a desk, and had your pick of any job you wanted. Baby, that letter was just another reason...SVU already wanted you, and I promise you...even if he never sent it to Cragen, you'd still be doing this job, I would still be right by your side, and you would still be the most incredible wife and mother and cop...and woman...in the entire fucking universe." He kissed her lips and whispered, "None of that is a fucking lie."

She nodded hard and fast as she threw herself into him, around him, and buried her head in his neck. "I love you, I love you, I love you so much." She sobbed as she repeated it over and over, telling him she believed him, promising him she knew.

Elliot held her and kissed the side of her head, and once his eyes opened he glared over at Cragen. He reached one hand out and grabbed Olivia's badge, and as he clutched it in his hand, he pointed again at Cragen. "We're going to get her mother, we're going home, and you…" he shook his head in heartfelt disappointment. "You think about what keeping this from her is going to cost you."

Cragen watched them leave and dropped his head into his hands, taking a few deep and solid breaths. He looked down at the letter Olivia had dropped back onto his desk, the transfer order from Sergeant Joe Costello, who they now knew was Joe Hollister. He cringed and he read it over again. "You son of a bitch," he said, realizing something, and he grabbed his phone and dialed fast. "Clara...fine, thank you, listen... I need the names of everyone who accessed or altered Elliot Stabler's records in the last…six years."

He listened, nodding when the names were read off to him. The list was expected: him, Elliot, Olivia, Ed Tucker, a judge and a lawyer, and one name he was only half-prepared to hear. "Wait, stop there. When was that? He what? When? I need exact dates, please." He listened and his eyes closed. Thanks, Clara." He hung up and rolled his hand down his face again, making a pained noise. Olivia's father had logged into the system on his last day in office and changed not only Elliot's files, but Olivia's as well, declaring them husband and wife and linking them in every possible space. No one ever caught it because, until recently, this particular facts never needed to be updated or changed. He let out a soft growl and rose to his feet.

Olivia may not have wanted to talk to Joe Hollister, but Cragen certainly did.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**Law and Order: SVU is the intellectual property of Dick Wolf. The use of the characters, settings, and plotlines is not malicious. This is a work of fiction.**_

It was times like this Olivia hated her uncanny ability to tell when she was being watched. She rolled tension out of her neck and continued writing out the twins' party invitations, filling in names and checking them off of class rosters. She felt the eyes of the man behind her burning into the back of her neck. It was growing too hard to ignore, so she turned only slightly, enough to see the once-abrasive man out of the corner of her eye and she huffed at him. "What?"

Nathan shook his head with an upturned lip as he sipped his beer. "Just standing here," he said. "How's your mother?"

"Okay," she said, carefully writing a uniquely spelled name on an embossed line. "Better than I expected, she...she's okay. Thanks."

"How many people are you guys inviting?" He looked at the stack of blank invitations and compared it to the written-out ones. "It's a party for two eight-year-olds, how the hell many friends could they possibly have?"

Still not amused or eager for conversation, she hummed. "The kids in their classes, their teachers, our friends and our...um, your family."

"We are family, Liv," he told her, and he took a sip from his bottle of beer. "You know, the, uh...the twins were only about a year old when you came into our lives. They're closer to you than they ever were to Kathy, you know that, right? These kids worship the ground you walk on, and you did actually marry my brother, you're having his baby, the Stablers are officially your family. You can say it."

"You're right, I just..." she coughed once. "Still can't wrap my head around how this all happened, you know?"

He nodded, sipped his beer again, and he turned to leave. But then he took two steps forward, rested a hand on the dining room chair next to hers. "May I?" He asked the question more politely than he would have almost a year ago. He started sliding the chair out, dragging it along the carpet, waiting for her answer.

"Yeah," she breathed raggedly. "It's more your house than it is mine."

"That's exactly what I want to talk to you about." He plopped into the chair, took another sip from his brown bottle, and made an odd smacking noise with his mouth after he swallowed. He smirked, seeing her roll her eyes, and he leaned over, watching her pen move delicately across the cardstock. "You need to stop thinking this is all just going to go away."

"You mean, it's not?" she scoffed, not looking up from her stack of invites. She scrawled another friend's name on an empty line and tried not to show Nate any vulnerability.

"You read those letters, you heard the stories I told you," Nate swung back another swallow of beer. "You know my brother better than anybody. Okay, say he does wake up tomorrow, and he remembers who the hell Kathy is, and he remembers the last fucked up twenty-nine years of his life. Say he's in the kitchen pouring himself a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and it hits him like fucking Bam-Bam, okay?"

Olivia bit back the urge to cry. "I'd rather not, thanks," she gave him, though her teeth were wired shut with emotion. She pressed harder on the pen.

Nathan continued. "Say it happens, but you know what? He's also going to remember the last six years, falling in love with you, sinking faster than the fucking Titanic. He's going to remember that you did everything you had to do to keep him from having a stroke, and he's going to remember that you're married, having his baby, and he won't give a flying monkey's ass about Kathy." He shot a look over his shoulder, hearing some rustling coming from the top of the stairs. He took a breath before turning back to her, tugged on the hem of his Black Sabbath tee shirt, and lowered his voice to a harsh whisper. "Olivia, the man is happier than a pig in shit, because he has what he's always wanted!"

That did it. She dropped the pen, wrung her hands together, and looked at him for the first time, letting him see her red tear-deprived eyes. She refused to cry again. "That's the problem. He didn't…"

"Those letters? Written about a million years before this fucking accident that wasn't an accident," Nathan spat at her, holding up a finger. He shot another finger up. "I found that little poem he was going to make the kids read for you before he got knocked on the head." He put up a third finger. "Why would he have told me every X-Rated fairy tale he had about you, every Saturday night, for the last six fucking years...if he only thinks he's in love with you because he can't remember Kathy?"

Olivia didn't know what to say. She could only blink and bite her lip.

Nathan smiled crookedly at her. "Look, you are allowed to be happy and stop fucking worrying. You know I'm right." He clicked his tongue and jerked his head to the side. "Besides, you know, his fragile little brain might explode if you keep dancing on eggshells around here. It's been almost a year and he still thinks the kids are only blonde because of my mother, so…"

"Why are you doing this?" Olivia finally asked, her composure contained and her rationale intact. "Elliot used to tell me you hated being here, that you drove him crazy, that you were this thick-headed, snot-nosed…"

Nathan held up a hand and chuckled, taking a pause to throw back the last of his beer. "I didn't like being here because I didn't like Kathy." He licked his lips and ran three of his fingers across his forehead. "This is why...why I was so fucking thrilled when you told us he had this problem. Because if he remembered how she treated him, how unhappy they were, how she trapped him in this life he never fucking wanted...I'd still be staying away and I would not have this incredible relationship with him, or the kids." He swallowed hard. "Or you."

Squinting at him, she shook her head, finding his babbling hard to follow. "What are you talking about?"

"I hated what he became, because of Kathy," Nathan whispered, as if the pain and shame of admitting it somehow stung in his mouth. "My little brother was...smart, funny. Fucking talented on the football field, man, he had scouts on his ass, he could've gone pro." He grinned proudly, but it was short-lived. "Yeah, my dad...wasn't the best to him, but I tried to make up for it. He was my best friend, you know?" He looked down at his empty beer bottle. "When, uh, when Kathy told him she was knocked up, uh, he changed, and I don't mean…" he shook his head. "He didn't suddenly grow up or some shit, he changed. He wasn't funny anymore. He wasn't happy anymore. He quit the team, lost scholarships, stopped hanging out with his friends, and two days after graduation he marries her and ships himself off to the Goddamned Marines."

Olivia screwed her pursed lips to the side, confused. "Nate, what you're saying…" she took a breath. "You sure you didn't get hit in the head, too?"

After a small laugh, he said, "Wait," and inhaled sharply. "He came back and they fell into this...miss of a life," he looked around and shook his head again. "It got worse as they got older. She was constantly on his case. He was working too much and she never saw him, then tells him he needed to pull double shifts because they needed the money. He couldn't go out with his pals because he had to watch the kids, but, oh, wait, he had to leave the house for a few hours because she was sick of his bullshit." He blinked away what would have been tears. "After the twins were born, and shit still sucked, he just gave up. He wasn't my brother anymore. Whenever I came around, Kathy made it clear I wasn't welcome and I was shitty to him because he never once defended me to her. He let her do and say whatever the hell she wanted, and he was just stuck in this complacent...existence."

"No," Olivia breathed skeptically. "Don't try to make this…"

"You never saw that," he continued, not letting her object, "You never saw his fucking lame attiude, you never saw the constant throat-grappling bullshit she threw at him that he didn't deserve, and you never had to deal with the loathing contentment he had for his life...because it all changed...six years ago."

Her eyes widened slightly and her lip found its way back into her mouth, between her nipping teeth.

"Yeah," Nathan chuckled. "Uh, see, six years ago, I saw my brother come home from work smiling for the first time in ages. I heard him laugh, I listened to him tell me this crazy story about his new partner, and he was so excited about her." He scraped his nails down the side of his face as he smiled more broadly. "Little by little, he found his sense of humor again, he was more passionate about his job, he spent more time with the kids, he started dressing better and shaving more often and taking care of himself. He started having and telling me about these vulgar fucking fantasies, which put a little bit of a swagger in his step. He knew he was falling for you, and the way you looked at him, the way you flirted right back, wanted him right back...made him feel like a man again, because he grew one hell of a libido. It was something Kathy didn't get to enjoy, so don't look at me like that, but it gave him the balls to finally fight back, defend himself to her, defend the kids, defend...me." He leaned closer to her. "He fell in love with his life again, because he fell in love with you, and I thank God every fucking day that he can't remember anything that came before you."

Her tears were rolling slowly but freely now, and she rubbed her lips together for a moment before giving her brother-in-law a soft hug. "Thank you," she expelled, and she pushed her chair out, eager to go tell Elliot how much she loved him, but Nathan clung tightly to her hand. She looked down at him, questions in her eyes.

"No, Liv," he said with a short sniffle. "Thank you. You gave me my brother back. And you...you treat me like a brother, you know? Kathy never did, she always just insulted me and told me I was a useless freeloader, but you…" he sniffled again. "You treat me like a human being, like family."

"You are," Olivia told him, grinning, and she patted his hand in hers for a moment. "You...are...my brother. Aren't you?" She gave a short shrug, then pulled her hand out of his and ran up the stairs. She turned the corner, took a breath, and slowly turned the knob to what had been her bedroom for nearly eleven months. "El?"

"Hey, beautiful," he smiled warmly at her, running a towel through his hair. "You done with the invitations? I was just heading down to help."

She licked her lips pruriently, seeing him standing in the middle of the room, naked, still slightly wet from the shower. She shook her head and closed the door, then walked toward him slowly. "They can wait," she said, and without any warning or notion, she wrapped the fingers of her right hand around his cock. She grinned when he gasped and cursed, and leaned into him. "What were you thinking about in that shower?" she asked, feeling that he'd already gotten himself halfway to lead pipe before she touched him.

"You," he moaned, letting the towel fall from his hands. He curled his rough palms around the sides of her head and ran his thumbs along her cheekbones, staring into her eyes. "You are always on my mind, so I am always...half-cocked, so to speak," he teased. He moaned again and grazed his lips over hers. "Fuck, baby," he seethed, and he felt himself stiffening even more in her hand as she stroked him.

She wound her other hand around his back and slid it down to cup his ass, and she kissed him fully. Moaning, she felt him move, his hips thrusting in an attempt to fuck her open fist. She pressed into him, coaxing him toward the bed as a garbled "I love you" fell against his lips.

"Mmm," he hummed, "Love you," he gurgled back to her, trying to make sure they landed on the mattress. "Shit," he spat. "Oh, fuck, baby," he hissed, working himself harder and faster as she did the same with her stroking. "Wait, wait, baby, I'm going to…"

"That's the idea," she laughed throatily, but she was stunned when he pulled his hand out of her hair and tugged her hand away from his dick. "El, what are you…"

He laughed as her yelp hit his ears, as he grabbed her fast and flipped her over, and he yanked her blue tee-shirt up and off of her in one fell swoop. He pushed her flannel pants over her hips with his hands, worked them down further with his thighs and knees, and peeled them completely off of her with his toes. "Inside you," he graveled out, and he hooked his heavy hands behind her knees and pushed her legs apart and up. He curled over her once he nestled himself between her thighs, and he kissed her once before he told her, "I need to be inside you."

She threw her head back as soon as he pushed into her, her nails found their way to his shoulder blades where they spaded into his skin. "Oh, Mother of God," she whined, her back crackling and popping as it arched.

He found a steady rhythm, not too fast or too slow, deep and powerful thrusts that made their skin kiss in a meteoric beat. "Baby, God," he huffed, his breath shortening as his lungs and balls tightened at the same time. "Oh, fuck, Liv."

"Oh," she moaned, long and slow, as if the one small sound had become a paragraph of prayer. "Elliot," she whispered, her head finally lifting to find his eyes. "I love you. I love you so much."

He rounded his body even more, his hips and ass and thighs working powerfully to piston in and out like a steam engine, while his head buried itself in her neck. He kissed her thin skin, licked at her pulse, and whispered, "I love you...more than anything, baby," and he bit down into the curve of her neck.

"Holy shit," she cried, her body seizing, constricting around him like a Boa, forcing him to work harder to thrust until he absolutely couldn't move anymore.

He grunted and made almost animalian noises as he stilled, feeling his cock surrounded by her pulsating, clenching, walls. "Fuck," he panted twice more before succumbing to her, and he let out one more grunt and gave a final thrust, and then a guttural cry of her name as he came. He knew he'd collapse, his muscles losing grip, so he turned them over again as he shot and twitched, and he kissed her; a thousand little pecks on every reachable part of her face and neck, until he felt both of their bodies stop shuddering. "What…" he couldn't breathe deeply enough to speak. He waited until he calmed, his hands coddling through her hair, his lips still kissing wherever they could. "What brought that on? No complaints, I mean...fuck, we were going to do this anyway but...not like this, baby. Fuck, wow."

She laughed and dropped a listless kiss to his beating chest. "I love you," she whispered. "I've always loved you, the day we met I knew, and I…" she wouldn't break again, she controlled her emotions and let herself wallow in pure happiness. "I love you. I came up here...intending to just hold you for a while, but I saw you standing there and…" she laughed again. "I never could resist temptation, where you're concerned."

"Hence Maureen," he joked, and he kissed the top of her head. He shoved his right hand under his head and let his left play in her hair. "I remember trying...so fucking hard. I was making a complete ass out of myself, wasn't I?" he chuckled. "I had precisely zero game, you had to actually ask me if I was trying to get you to have sex with me."

Her eyes narrowed and she saw the moment like a movie in her mind, and she gasped softly. She remembered a night at a bar, her first week on the job. He'd had far too much, way too fast, and he'd started reciting Shakespeare to her. He'd been using cheesy pick-up lines, even being so bold as to tell her the nickname for his dick. He'd asked if she'd like to meet him, and she'd slapped a fifty dollar bill on the bar before laughing and asked him if he was seriously trying to pick her up. "When you said yes," she said, recalling, "I told you…"

"If I still wanted to do it in the morning, we would," he finished, and he laughed again. "I told you I would definitely still want to in the morning…"

"Every morning, every afternoon, every night for the rest of my life," she spoke, the inebriated memory falling off of her tongue. He must've remembered it leading to their first time, when in reality it had led to her laughing it off, calling him "Detective McDrunk," hailing him a cab, and sending him home. Neither of them had ever mentioned it again, and she assumed he'd forgotten. "El, I…"

"I meant it, then, and I mean it now," he intruded on her thoughts. "Baby, just you. Anytime, anywhere, you tell me you want me and you'll have me because I will always want you," he told her. He found her chin with his left hand and lifted, kissed her lips softly, and said, "I love you."

She looked down into his ocean eyes, getting lost in them the way she always had, and she kissed him again. "I love you." She wrapped herself around him and closed her eyes, and for the first time in almost a year, she wasn't afraid of him waking up and regretting her in the morning. She knew, now, that this was her life, and his, and wasn't just a temporary bout of amnesiatic psychosis.

The phone call that would wake them up in the morning, though, would reassure her and give her pure certainty.

 _ **Peace and Love**_

 _ **Jo**_


End file.
